Blood 31 (1/2)

Blood 31 – Meanie

「Ugh, guah!」

During class I felt nauseous and hastily covered my mouth. Because I’ve been throwing up all the time recently, goshujin-sama has been muttering things like “puke girl” all the time. I don’t want to be called something so disgraceful.

「Sophia, is it happening again?」

While I’m desperately trying to hold back my vomit, the prince-like Waldo’s face shows up right in front of me. That’s when I reached my limit.

I’m now lying down on the bed in the school infirmary. Since I was scolded by Merazofis, I’ve frequently been in the care of the school infirmary. It’s not that my physical condition is poor, it’s completely a mental problem.

Starting with Waldo, it’s painful to even face the boys I had used Charm on. I don’t even know how I could dare to interact with them in the first place, as until recently I could only see them as my natural food, but I can’t do that anymore now that I regained my awareness as a human. Including my previous life, I have not had proper contact with others after all. Much less with boys.

I’ve already crossed the line so even I am wondering what I’m saying myself, but this is something I cannot avoid. The me at that time could only see them as things. I had no awareness of them being people. I used Charm on them as brainwashing and I treated them like things. Even if I do say so myself I’m the worst.

Because I’ve realised that, I’ve been completely avoiding them. The Charm skill in the set of Vampire skills, unlike the stand-alone Charm skill, is not actually that powerful. The reason why I was able to completely control them, was because there was just such a big difference in status values. However, now that I’ve stopped Charm and am keeping my distance, even they should be regaining their consciousness. Several of them have been able to separate from me already.

Yes, several of them. The problem lies with the ones who are still trying to get involved with me despite being cut off from Charm. Waldo is one of those. I don’t know what his aim is, but just by getting close to me I get anxious, so I wish he’d stop.

Just when things were starting to settle down, when I no longer seemed likely to be vomiting, goshujin-sama dropped a bomb on me. What the heck? The destruction of the world? And how to stop that? Even if you suddenly tell me about all that, what are you asking me to do? I really don’t have time for all that, so if you suddenly disclose a big problem to me on top of that, there’s nothing I can do about it.

The Divine Word Religion is certainly something I’ve thought about. If not for the war with the Divine Word Religion, my parents would never have died.

However, if you asked me if they would have been happy otherwise, I cannot give an immediate answer. I recall Merazofis’s words. Then, I wonder to myself, “Would my parents be proud of me as I am now?” The answer is, no. To them who were human, my way of life as a vampire is definitely not something that they could accept.

Then, if that war had never happened and I had been living with my parents still, what would have happened to me? Would I have been able to hide being a vampire and been able to live like a human? I don’t know. This is just a hypothetical argument after all, and with my meagre imagination not a single idea of such a scene comes to mind. No matter what I imagine, all I can come up with is my guise as a vampire.

At the end of the day, the truth of me being a vampire won’t be overturned. That it won’t overturned, is undeniable. There is no other way for the current me other than to be a vampire, something that I’ve accepted deep down. To put it bluntly, if I was asked whether I can still return to being human, I could never assent to that.

If the System goes away, my skills should also be lost. At such a time, my vampire skill would also be lost. Then, I would no longer be a vampire? I would become a mere human?

No thanks! That would no longer be me. I’m a vampire, so if I’m not a vampire then I’m not me.

However, if the System is not destroyed then the world will end anyway. If the world ends then I’d be dead too. Either I die, or I stop being a vampire.

That’s, not really a choice. What can I do then.

Due to lack of sleep my consciousness has become dim. Even though I have Faint Resistance, there’s still limits. Thanks to Sense of Pain Nullity I can ignore my bad physical condition somewhat, but since blood is mixed in every time I vomit it’s certain that I have a perforated stomach. Even if I say so for myself, my brain has totally gone to mush.

Ahh, I want to drink blood. Since then I haven’t drank a single drop of blood. I’m a True Ancestor, so even if I don’t drink blood I won’t die anyway, and my status values won’t drop either. However, it’s a matter of my feelings. If I don’t drink blood, then it’s like a human who subsists only on raw nutrients. Though you can live that way, there’s no joy. Even if there’s no influence on my status values, if I don’t drink then I get irritated and can’t settle down.