Part 16 (1/2)

Tebbel reddened slightly. 'You just want to argue,' he grated. 'I like coloured people. I was raised with them.'

I heard Peaches whisper, 'Now if he says he had an old black mammy, I'll--I'll------' She choked.

'Who the h.e.l.l gives a d.a.m.n whether you like coloured people or not?' I said.

Conway gave me a half smile and Bessie said, 'You tell 'im!'

'These d.a.m.n fascists come over here and the first thing they start campaigning against is the Jews,' Ben began, but Tebbel cut him off.

'I'm Irish,' he stated hotly. 'n.o.body in the world is any more anti-fascist than the Irish.'

'All you foreigners--' Ben started again, but Tebbel cut him off again: 'Who's a foreigner? I'm a hundred per cent. American. My grandfather fought in the Civil War.'

'On which side?' Zula Mae asked.

I cut out. I'd listened all I could.

It was pulling at me, eating into me, to go find Madge. The weight of chagrin was still in my mind; the thought of having been a fool gnawed at me. _Read and run, n.i.g.g.e.r_.. . . I knew it was time to run. I glanced at my watch, saw that it was a little after nine, went down on the yard, and found a phone booth and called Alice. I didn't know what I was going to say to her-- I couldn't think about her straight--but I had to hear her voice. Had to know that she was there; had to lean on her for a moment until I got myself steadied.

Some smooth-voiced chick answered the phone and said that Miss Harrison had a conference the first thing that morning; would I leave my number and have her call me back when she was free.

I said, 'I'll call again.'

I felt let down and a little scared. A truck rumbled by, almost hit me. I jumped back out of the way, stumbled over a six-inch pipe bend, sat down on a greasy spot of concrete. Killing myself already, I thought wryly; got up and started over to Mac's office. I'd quit, get cleared, and get the h.e.l.l away. But I stopped with my hand on the door, turned around, and went back. Ijust couldn't leave it like that; !just couldn't do it.

I looked around for Don and saw him ducking through the access hole so I started after him. I knew I didn't want to see him but in the back of my mind I figured if I walked along with him he might accidentally lead me to Madge, and I wouldn't be seeking her deliberately.

He'd stopped outside in the companionway to bull with a guy and when I came up he looked around at me and they both stopped talking. The other guy went back to work and Don and I walked off a piece.

'You look as if you made a night of it,' he said.

'Killed myself,' I managed to say. 'I started off tryna kill my grief but I went along too.' I knew it sounded corny but it was the best I could do.

'Your girl friend looks as if she had a night of it too,' he said casually.

'You seen her?' I asked quickly. The words popped out of my mouth so fast I couldn't stop them.

Don blinked. 'Haven't you?' he countered.

I realized that he'd tricked me, but I tried to laugh it off anyway. 'We musta been drinking the same stuff--hula.'

He gave that slight smile. 'How'd you make out?'

I tried to look innocent. 'Are you kidding?'

Then she walked straight into us. Her hood was kicked back on her head, making her taller than either of us, and her shoulders were held high and square. Her face seemed slightly swollen on the left side and there were deep dark circles underneath her eyes which the heavy coating of powder couldn't hide. There was a hard savage glint in her eyes and her mouth was spread, squarish at the corners in a hard brutal set. She didn't look whorish now; she looked plain mean.

She stared at me, stared right through me as ill wasn't there, didn't give a flicker of recognition. Then she turned toward Don and came into him like a prize fighter.

'd.a.m.n you, Don, can't you get me some good sticks?' she said in a flat grating voice. 'They got a new n.i.g.g.e.r in the tool crib now and she don't know her a.s.s from a hole in the ground.'

Don blinked. Neither of them looked at me. All three of us knew she didn't care about the rods; she just wanted to call me a n.i.g.g.e.r and took that way to do it.

'What are you doing down here?' Don asked her.

'I'm looking for you,' she grated.

'Are you sure?' he asked in a soft baiting voice.

Red came up in her face like a sunrise. 'What in the h.e.l.l do you mean, am I sure?'

'I mean I'm not your leaderman,' he said evenly. 'I don't have anything to do with the kind of rods they give out. Why don't you see your own leaderman?'

'Well, it's your job that's gotta be done,' she snarled. 'And if these tacks don't hold, just blame that n.i.g.g.e.r in the tool crib.'

I started to call her on it then. But I knew she was raking me through Don and if I said anything to her she'd have jumped red raving.

But Don did it his way. 'How'd you make out last night?' he asked.

She had started away, now she wheeled back, but her gaze sought me first, slashed at me, then pinned on him. 'Now what the h.e.l.l do you mean?'

'You told me you were going out with a new boy friend,' he said. 'Remember? I was just wondering what kind of a guy he turned out to be.'

'I didn't tell you any such a G.o.dd.a.m.ned thing,' she stormed.

He blinked again, his eyes giving off sparks behind his rimless spectacles, then spread his hands. 'All right, it wasn't you. It must have been somebody else. I just drove by your place early this morning and thought I saw you getting out of a car.'

I jerked around to look at him. She gave me another quick killing look, then levelled a furious challenging stare on his benign face. 'You better mind your own G.o.dd.a.m.n business, tha.s.s what! You just better!' she whispered savagely, turned, and stalked off.

My eyes grew narrow and feverish. It crowded back into me--to go get her, to have it out.

Don said, 'She's touchy today, isn't she?' looking at me. I was embarra.s.sed under his scrutiny, didn't understand his game. Right then I didn't care. I just wanted to get away from him.

'See you, Papa,' I said as lightly as I could and walked off before he could stop me.

I went back to the booth and called Alice again. This time I got her. 'It's Bob, baby,' I said, swallowing. 'Look, if I pick you up in about an hour, can I take you to lunch?'

'Where are you now?' she asked.

'Oh, I'm on the job,' I said. 'But I'm going to check out in a few minutes. I want to talk to you.'

There was a long pause and when she spoke again her voice sounded distant. 'What can we possibly talk about, Bob, that we haven't talked about before? You reject everything I say to you. All we do is quarrel.'

The receiver got so heavy I could hardly hold it. 'Okay, baby,' I said. 'I'll see you.'

I hung up, went back out on the yard, stood for a long time in the hot suns.h.i.+ne. Beyond was the road leading down to the outfitting dock, flanked by the various shops, dropping off in the blue-grey stretch of the harbour. Off to the left was a row of hulls in various stages of erection, s.p.a.ced apart by the craneways. Cranes were silhouetted against the sky like long-legged, one-armed spiders, swinging shapes and plates aboard. Over there the workers walked with care. Everywhere was the hustle and bustle of moving busy workers, trucks, plate lifts, yard cranes, electric mules, the blue flashes of arc welders, brighter than the noonday sun. And the noise, always loud, unabating, ear-splitting. I loved it like my first love.