Part 9 (1/2)
”Such intimacy doesn't exist in the world of the true proletarians. The rule is: we live for one thing, to serve and sacrifice for Chairman Mao.”
”So you don't acknowledge love.”
”That is a bourgeois word. You should delete it from your vocabulary.”
We were standing by the garbage dump where Wild Ginger had stabbed her hand once. It seemed a safe place to carry on our discussion, where no one would be able to hear us.
The late autumn leaves were blown by the wind and danced in the air. In sandals, my bare feet were getting cold. To keep them warm, I crunched the leaves and hopped once in a while. Our discussion was going nowhere. We fought, trying not to raise our voices. I was surprised to learn that while she was in Beijing she had sworn her loyalty by writing a letter of promise. The idea was generated by the secretary in chief of the National Communist Youth League. The letter stated that she would give up her personal life, including marriage, to be a people's servant and a Maoist. The People's House of Letters and Literature had given her a contract to publish her diary of the next ten years. The text would be included in school textbooks and recited by students at all levels.
”It's such an honor that I was set to be an immortal,” she said.
I asked if she believed that this was the right thing to do.
”No doubt I do,” she answered.
”What about Evergreen?”
”I'll overcome my feelings for him.”
”You mean you won't-”
”We are revolutionary soulmates.”
”No, I mean, will you ever become ... involved?”
”You mean like-”
”I mean like ... lovers.”
”Never.”
”You expect me to believe you?”
”Chairman Mao teaches us, 'A true Communist is one who keeps her word.'”
”What do you want me to say?”
”Be proud of me.”
”I am. But I also feel sad.”
”Why?”
”I can't imagine your life being companionless. It'll be lonely.”
”Loneliness doesn't belong to a Maoist. Don't you see I have people? I have one billion people loving me and looking up to me.”
”You are missing my point.”
”Grow up, Maple.”
”You ... you don't want to be with Evergreen, is that right?”
”Wrong.”
”I don't get it.”
”I'll be with him. We will spend a great deal of time, even our lives, together, but without any physical contact.”
”Without any?”
She nodded, in full confidence.
”What about Evergreen? Will he accept your condition?”
”He has to, if he is what he says ... if he cares about me.”
”What if he discovers that love has to be expressed beyond spirituality?”
”Then he has to go.”
”Would you let him?”
”Like I said, my loyalty toward Chairman Mao comes first.”
”What about your desire?”
”That's where I need you, Maple. I am determined to fight the beast inside me and win. It will be hard at the beginning, but I'll pull through. Evergreen and I will get used to being with each other like-”
”A brother and a sister?” My tone was ironic.
She didn't mind. ”We will have to work on reforming our thinking. Any bad thought will be nipped in the bud. We will conquer ourselves and then the world.”
”What about impulse?”
”You'll be the one to help me to hold the leash.”
”Well, I'll do my best to help, but-”