Part 12 (1/2)
_PART III_
_UNCERTAINTY_
CABLE FROM A. D.
_Rome, November. Three weeks later._
Will you marry me? Uncertainty in our relations troubling me deeply.
Where do I stand? Heaven or h.e.l.l?
CABLE FROM POLLY
_New York, November._
Call it Heaven.
A. D. TO POLLY
_Rome, November._
I do call it Heaven, or I would if only you were here. As it is, the doors are locked, for you are my golden key to happiness, to Paradise itself. It seems ages since your last letter came. Don't play with me again, will you, dearest? Although your letters this summer have been so sweet, I know what a little Pagan you are. Sometimes I wonder if you have any conscience at all about me. If you have, I've not as yet discovered it, but--my heart is in your keeping. Mona Lisa has disappeared from my life.
Of course your Aunt is set on your marrying the Prince. That has been plain all along,--how did he behave in Paris?--but you, my darling, _who_ could have guessed whether or not you were ready to make up your mind to settle down? So I delayed asking you to marry me--in so many words. But now that we have quarrelled, I long to make up and have everything settled. There is no peace left your lover till he knows that you love him, once and always. This letter is serious because, beneath it all, I am serious.
Your letters have been the key-notes to my days, and when they have seemed confidential and affectionate, I have been very happy, and when they have been less enthusiastic, I have been troubled and cast down.
So, they have enabled me to measure my own disposition. What I wish to write you is this; that everything I ever told you or have written you, was the truth.
I realize more and more as time goes on, and on, that my love goes back farther into the past than I had dared to acknowledge to myself.
One day, you appeared in Rome and were stopping at your sunny Palazzo.
Over I went to see--your Aunt, of course. I recall so vividly just where you stood in the little room, how you came frankly forward to meet me, and how I made my call, with the Prince, whom I met on the street just outside your door.
Then at your apartment and out in society, I saw you often; when you came to dine with me, I determined just to be nice to you,--I know I was flirting with Lisa,--but I had a sort of pride that you should enjoy your stay in Rome, and wished to add what I could to it. I thought your Aunt would be gratified, and frankly, I liked you. I allowed myself to think that much.
Then came moments, Polly dear, when I felt a thrill, a glow, that I couldn't explain. Can I ever forget that evening when we were together in the Coliseum, while the moon swam in the sky, and the great black chasm of the excavations yawned below us, while the shadowy ruins towered around and above us. I treasure in my heart the memory of the rollicking fun of the escapade at the Carnival Ball, the Veglione, with its confidences, and the privilege, too, of that drive from the d.u.c.h.ess of Sermoneta's, through the narrow streets, across the bridge, when I saw you home, and those afternoons and evenings in the little room in the roof garden, one after another. Each seemed more wonderful and more complete to me, till that last night before you went away to Sorrento, when I first spoke words of love. I was overwhelmed and staggered, my pulses beat with a new strange gladness till I could scarcely see you. How I got back to my rooms, I have forgotten.
I had determined not to make love to you in Rome, but I couldn't help it, I couldn't help speaking as I did. Then came romantic days at Sorrento and Florence and those enchanting dream moments in Venice.
Were they real, ah, tell me, were they true?
It is months now, dear, since we met in Venice. What perfect hours we had there! So completely happy. I can feel you near me, next to me, while far away, mysteriously, I seem even yet to hear the music and the love songs.
”And of all the happiest moments which were wrought Within the web of my existence, some From thee, fair Venice! have their colors caught.”