Part 48 (1/2)
One of the great wishes of her heart now had good prospect of being fulfilled, for her father had at last consented to go to an inst.i.tution wherein he could receive scientific treatment suited to his case. The outlook was growing so hopeful that even Mrs.
Jocelyn was rallying into something like hopefulness and courage, and her health was slowly improving. She was one whose life was chiefly sustained by her heart and the well-being of those she loved.
Belle also was improving greatly. The memorable interview with Roger, already described, had a lasting influence, and did much to banish the giddiness of unthinking, ignorant girlhood, and the recklessness arising from an unhappy life. Now that the world was brightening again, she brightened with it. Among his new a.s.sociates Roger found two or three fine, manly fellows, who were grateful indeed for an introduction to the handsome, lively girl, and scarcely a week pa.s.sed during May and June that some inexpensive evening excursion was not enjoyed, and thoroughly enjoyed too, even by Mildred. Roger was ever at his best when in her society. His talk was bright and often witty, and his spirit of fun as genuine and contagious as that of Belle herself. He was now sincerely happy in the consciousness of Mildred's perfect trust and strong affection, believing that gradually, and even before the girl was aware of it, she would learn to give more than friends.h.i.+p. It was his plan to make himself essential to her life, indeed a part of it, and he was apparently succeeding. Mildred had put her fate into his hands. She felt that she owed so much to him that she was ready to keep her promise literally. At any time for months he might have bound her to him by promises that would never have been broken; he knew it, and she was aware of his knowledge, but when, instead of taking advantage of her grat.i.tude, he avoided all sentiment, and treated her with a cordial frankness as if she were in truth simply the friend he had asked her to become, all of her old constraint in his presence was unthought of, and she welcomed the glances of his dark, intent eyes, which interpreted her thoughts even before they were spoken. The varying expressions of his face made it plain enough to her that he liked and appreciated her thoughts, and that his admiration and affection were only strengthened by their continued companions.h.i.+p. Moreover, she was well content with what she regarded as her own progress toward a warmer regard for him.
One moonlight night in June they made up a little party for an excursion on a steamer plying down the Bay. Belle had had two attendants, and would have been just as well pleased had there been two or three more. As she once a.s.serted, she could have kept them ”all jolly.” During the earlier hours Roger had been as merry and full of nonsense as Belle, but on their return he and Mildred had taken seats a little apart from the others and drifted into some talk relating to one of his studies, he in a simple, lucid manner explaining to her the latest theories on a disputed question. She surprised and pleased him by saying, with a little pathetic accent in her voice,
”Oh, Roger, you are leaving me far, far behind.”
”What do you mean, Millie?”
”Why, you are climbing the peaks of knowledge at a great pace, and what's to become of poor little me, that have no chance to climb at all worth naming? You won't want a friend who doesn't know anything, and can't understand what you are thinking about.”
”I'll wait for you, Millie; rest a.s.sured you shall never be left alone.”
”No, that won't do at all,” she replied, and she was in earnest now. ”There is one thing wherein you will find me as obstinate as an Atwood, and that is never to let our friends.h.i.+p r.e.t.a.r.d your progress or render your success doubtful, now that you have struck out for yourself. Your relatives think that I--that we shall be a drag upon you; I have resolved that we shall not be, and you know that I have a little will of my own as well as yourself. You must not wait for me in any sense of the word, for you know how very proud I am, and all my pride is staked on your success. It ought to have been dead long ago, but it seems just as strong as ever.”
”And I'm proud of your pride. You are a soldier, Millie, and it isn't possible for you to say, 'I surrender.'”
”You are mistaken. When you saved me from prison; when you gave nearly all you had that papa might have the chance which I trust will restore his manhood, I surrendered, and no one knew it better than you did.”
”Pardon me, Millie; the gates of the citadel were closed, and ever have been. Even your will cannot open them no, not even your extravagant sense of grat.i.tude for what it would be my happiness to do in any case. That something which was once prejudice, dislike, repulsion, has retreated into the depths of your heart, and it won't yield--at least it hasn't yet. But, Millie, I shall be very patient. Just as truly as if you were the daughter of a millionaire, your heart shall guide your action.”
”You are a royal fellow, Roger,” she faltered. ”If you were not so genuinely honest, I should think you wonderfully shrewd in your policy.”
”Well, perhaps the honest course is always the shrewdest in the long run,” he replied laughingly, and with a deep gladness in his tone, for her words gave a little encouragement. ”But your charge that I am leaving you behind as I pursue my studies has a grain of truth in it as far as mere book learning goes. In your goodness, Millie, and all that is most admirable, I shall always follow afar off. Since I can't wait for you, as you say, and you have so little time to read and study yourself, I am going to recite my lessons to you--that is, some of them, those that would interest you--and by telling you about what I have learned I shall fix it all in my mind more thoroughly.”
Mildred was exceedingly pleased with the idea. ”I don't see why this isn't possible to some extent,” she said gladly, ”and I can't tell you how much hope and comfort it gives me. That I've had so little time to read and cultivate my mind has been one of the great privations of our poverty, but if you will patiently try to make me understand a little of what you are studying, I won't relapse into barbarism. Oh, Roger, how good you are to me!”
”That is like saying, How good I am to myself! Let me tell you, Millie, in all sincerity, that this plan promises as much for me as for you. Your mind is so quick, and you look at things so differently, that I often get new and better ideas of the subject after talking it over with you. The country boy that you woke up last summer was right in believing that you could be an invaluable friend, for I can't tell you how much richer life has become to me.”
”Roger, how I misunderstood you! How blind and stupid I was! G.o.d was raising up for me the best friend a girl ever had, and I acted so shamefully that anybody but you would have been driven away.”
”You do yourself injustice, and I wouldn't let any one else judge you so harshly.”
After reaching her room that night, Mildred thought, ”I do believe mamma was right, and that an old-fas.h.i.+oned Southern girl, such as she says that I am, can learn to love a second time. Roger is so genuinely good and strong! It rests me to be with him, and he gives some of his own strength and courage. To-night, for the first time since he told me everything so gently and honestly, has anything been said of that which I can see is in his mind all the time, and I brought on all that was said myself. I can now read his thoughts better than he can read mine, and it would be mean not to give him a little of the hope and encouragement that he so richly deserves.
It troubles me, however, that my mind and heart are so tranquil when I'm with him. That's not the way I once felt,” she sighed.
”He seems like the dearest brother a girl ever had--no, not that exactly; he is to me the friend he calls himself, and I'd be content to have things go on this way as long as we lived.”
”Millie,” cried Belle roguishly, ”what did Roger say to you to call out such sweet smiles and tender sighs?”
The young girl started, and flushed slightly. ”We were talking about astronomy,” she said brusquely.
”Well, I should think so, for the effects in your appearance are heavenly. If he could have seen you as you have appeared for the last ten minutes, he would be more desperately in love than ever.
Oh, Millie, you are so pretty that I am half in love with you myself.”
”Nonsense! you are a giddy child. Tell me about your own favorites, and which of them you like best.”
”I like them all best. Do you think I'm going to be such a little goose as to tie myself down to one? These are but the advance guard of scores. Still I shall always like these ones best because they are kind to me now while I'm only a 'shop-lady.'”