Part 1 (1/2)
The a.s.ses of Balaam.
by Gordon Randall Garrett.
_The remarkable characteristic of Balaam's a.s.s was that it was more perceptive than its master. Sometimes a child is more perceptive--because more straightforward and logical--than an adult...._
[Ill.u.s.tration]
_It is written in the Book of Numbers that Balaam, a wise man of the Moabites, having been ordered by the King of Moab to put a curse upon the invading Israelites, mounted himself upon an a.s.s and rode forth toward the camp of the Children of Israel. On the road, he met an angel with drawn sword, barring the way. Balaam, not seeing or recognizing the angel, kept urging his a.s.s forward, but the a.s.s recognized the angel and turned aside. Balaam smote the beast and forced it to return to the path, and again the angel blocked the way with drawn sword. And again the a.s.s turned aside, despite the beating from Balaam, who, in his blindness, was unable to see the angel._
_When the a.s.s stopped for the third time and lay down, refusing to go further, Balaam waxed exceeding wrath and smote again the animal with a stick._
_Then the a.s.s spoke and said: ”Why dost thou beat me? I have always obeyed thee and never have I failed thee. Have I ever been known to fail thee?_”
_And Balaam answered: ”No.” And at that moment his eyes were opened and he saw the angel before him._
--STUDIES IN SCRIPTURE
by Ceggawynn of Eboric.u.m
With the careful precision of controlled anger, Dodeth Pell rippled a stomp along his right side.
_Clop_clopclop_clop_-clopclop-_clop_clop-clop_clop_clopclop....
Each of his twelve right feet came down in turn while he glared across the business bench at Wygor Bedis. He started the ripple again, while he waited for Wygor's answer. The ripple was a good deal more effective than just tapping one's fingers, and equally as satisfying.
Wygor Bedis twitched his mouth and allowed his eyelids to slide up over his eyeb.a.l.l.s in a slow blink before answering. Dodeth had simply asked, ”Why wasn't this reported to me before?” But Wygor couldn't find the answer as simply as that. Not that he didn't have a good answer; it was just that he wanted to couch it in exactly the right terms. Dodeth had a way with raking sarcasm that made a person tend to cringe.
Dodeth was perfectly well aware of that. He hadn't been in the Executive Office of Predator Council all these years for nothing; he knew how to handle people--when to praise them, when to flatter them, when to rebuke them, and when to drag them unmercifully over the sh.e.l.l-bed.
He waited, his right legs marching out their steady rhythm.
”Well,” said Wygor at last, ”it was just that I couldn't see any point in bothering you with it at that point. I mean, _one_ specimen--”
”Of an entirely new species!” snapped Dodeth in a sudden interruption.
His legs stopped their rhythmic tramp. His voice rose from its usual eight-thousand-cycle rumble to a shrill squeak. ”Fry it, Wygor, if you weren't such a good field man, I'd have sacked you long ago! Your trouble is that you have a penchant for bringing me problems that you ought to be able to solve by yourself and then flipping right over on your back and holding off on some information that ought to be brought to my attention immediately!”
There wasn't much Wygor could say to that, so he didn't try. He simply waited for the raking to come, and, sure enough, it came.
Dodeth's voice lowered itself to a soft purr. ”The next time you have to do anything as complicated as setting a snith-trap, you just hump right down here and ask me, and I'll tell you all about it. On the other hand, if the lower levels all suddenly become infested with shelks at the same time, why, you just take care of that little detail yourself, eh? The only other alternative is to learn to think.”
Wygor winced a trifle and kept his mouth shut.
Having delivered himself of his jet of acid, Dodeth Pell looked down at the data booklet that Wygor had handed him. ”Fortunately,” he said, ”there doesn't seem to be much to worry about. Only the Universal Motivator knows how this thing could have sp.a.w.ned, but it doesn't appear to be very efficient.”
”No, sir, it doesn't,” said Wygor, taking heart from his superior's mild tone. ”The eating orifice is oddly placed, and the teeth are obviously for grinding purposes.”
”I was thinking more of the method of locomotion,” Dodeth said. ”I believe this is a record, although I'll have to look in the files to make sure. I think that six locomotive limbs is the least I've ever heard of on an animal that size.”
”I've checked the files,” said Wygor. ”There was a four-limbed leaf-eater recorded seven hundred years ago--four locomotive limbs, that is, and two grasping. But it was only as big as your hand.”