Part 5 (1/2)

She gives me a worried frown. I guess she didn't expect the maid to be so good at math. Finally she says, ”Okay.”

Then I tell her she needs to go on in the living room, let me do my work in here. When she's gone, I eyeball the room, at how neat it all looks. Real slow, I open her closet and just like I thought, forty-five things fall down on my head. Then I look under the bed and find enough dirty clothes to where I bet she's hasn't washed in months.

Every drawer is a wreck, every hidden cranny full of dirty clothes and wadded-up stockings. I find fifteen boxes of new s.h.i.+rts for Mister Johnny so he won't know she can't wash and iron. Finally, I lift up that funny-looking pink s.h.a.g rug. Underneath, there's a big, deep stain the color of rust. I shudder.

THAT AFTERNOON, Miss Celia and I make a list of what to cook that week, and the next morning I do the grocery shopping. But it takes me twice as long because I have to drive all the way to the white Jitney Jungle in town instead of the colored Piggly Wiggly by me since I figure she won't eat food from a colored grocery store and I reckon I don't blame her, with the potatoes having inch-long eyes and the milk almost sour. When I get to work, I'm ready to fight with her over all the reasons I'm late, but there Miss Celia is on the bed like before, smiling like it doesn't matter. All dressed up and going nowhere. For five hours she sits there, reading the magazines. The only time I see her get up is for a gla.s.s of milk or to pee. But I don't ask. I'm just the maid.

After I clean the kitchen, I go in the formal living room. I stop in the doorway and give that grizzly bear a good long stare. He's seven feet tall and baring his teeth. His claws are long, curled, witchy-looking. At his feet lays a bone-handled hunting knife. I get closer and see his fur's nappy with dust. There's a cobweb between his jaws.

First, I swat at the dust with my broom, but it's thick, matted up in his fur. All this does is move the dust around. So I take a cloth and try and wipe him down, but I squawk every time that wiry hair touches my hand. White White people. I mean, I have cleaned everything from refrigerators to rear ends but what makes that lady think I know how to clean a d.a.m.n grizzly bear? people. I mean, I have cleaned everything from refrigerators to rear ends but what makes that lady think I know how to clean a d.a.m.n grizzly bear?

I go get the Hoover. I suck the dirt off and except for a few spots where I sucked too hard and thinned him, I think it worked out pretty good.

After I'm done with the bear, I dust the fancy books n.o.body reads, the Confederate coat b.u.t.tons, the silver pistol. On a table is a gold picture frame of Miss Celia and Mister Johnny at the altar and I look close to see what kind of man he is. I'm hoping he's fat and short-legged in case it comes to running, but he's not anywhere close. He's strong, tall, thick. And he's no stranger either. Lord. He's the one who went steady with Miss Hilly all those years when I first worked for Miss Walters. I never met him, but I saw him enough times to be sure. I s.h.i.+ver, my fears tripling. Because that alone says more about that man than anything.

AT ONE O'CLOCK, Miss Celia comes in the kitchen and says she's ready for her first cooking lesson. She settles on a stool. She's wearing a tight red sweater and a red skirt and enough makeup to scare a hooker.

”What you know how to cook already?” I ask.

She thinks this over, wrinkling her forehead. ”Maybe we could just start at the beginning.”

”Must be something you know. What your mama teach you growing up?”

She looks down at the webby feet of her panty hose, says, ”I can cook corn pone.”

I can't help but laugh. ”What else you know how to do sides corn pone?”

”I can boil potatoes.” Her voice drops even quieter. ”And I can do grits. We didn't have electric current out where I lived. But I'm ready to learn right. On a real stovetop.”

Lord. I've never met a white person worse off than me except for crazy Mister Wally, lives behind the Canton feed store and eats the cat food.

”You been feeding your husband grits and corn pone ever day?”

Miss Celia nods. ”But you'll teach me to cook right, won't you?”

”I'll try,” I say, even though I've never told a white woman what to do and I don't really know how to start. I pull up my hose, think about it. Finally, I point to the can on the counter.

”I reckon if there's anything you ought a know about cooking, it's this.”

”That's just lard, ain't it?”

”No, it ain't just lard,” I say. ”It's the most important invention in the kitchen since jarred mayonnaise.”

”What's so special about”--she wrinkles her nose at it--”pig fat?”

”Ain't pig pig, it's vegetable.” Who in this world doesn't know what Crisco is? ”You don't have a clue of all the things you can do with this here can.”

She shrugs. ”Fry?”

”Ain't just for frying. You ever get a sticky something stuck in your hair, like gum?” I jackhammer my finger on the Crisco can. ”That's right, Crisco. Spread this on a baby's bottom, you won't even know what diaper rash is.” I plop three scoops in the black skillet. ”Shoot, I seen ladies rub it under they eyes and on they husband's scaly feet.”

”Look how pretty it is,” she says. ”Like white cake frosting.”

”Clean the goo from a price tag, take the squeak out a door hinge. Lights get cut off, stick a wick in it and burn it like a candle.”

I turn on the flame and we watch it melt down in the pan. ”And after all that, it'll still fry your chicken.”

”Alright,” she says, concentrating hard. ”What's next?”

”Chicken's been soaking in the b.u.t.termilk,” I say. ”Now mix up the dry.” I pour flour, salt, more salt, pepper, paprika, and a pinch of cayenne into a doubled paper sack.

”Now. Put the chicken parts in the bag and shake it.”

Miss Celia puts a raw chicken thigh in, b.u.mps the bag around. ”Like this? Just like the Shake 'n Bake commercials on the tee-vee?”

”Yeah,” I say and run my tongue up over my teeth because if that's not an insult, I don't know what is. ”Just like the Shake 'n Bake.” But then I freeze. I hear the sound of a car motor out on the road. I hold still and listen. I see Miss Celia's eyes are big and she's listening too. We're thinking the same thing: What if it's him and where will I hide?

The car motor pa.s.ses. We both breathe again.

”Miss Celia,” I grit my teeth, ”how come you can't tell your husband about me? Ain't he gone know when the cooking gets good?”

”Oh, I didn't think of that! Maybe we ought to burn the chicken a little.”

I look at her sideways. I ain't burning no chicken. She didn't answer the real question, but I'll get it out of her soon enough.

Real careful, I lay the dark meat in the pan. It bubbles up like a song and we watch the thighs and legs turn brown. I look over and Miss Celia's smiling at me.

”What? Something on my face?”

”No,” she says, tears coming up in her eyes. She touches my arm. ”I'm just real grateful you're here.”

I move my arm back from under her hand. ”Miss Celia, you got a lot more to be grateful for than me.”

”I know.” She looks at her fancy kitchen like it's something that tastes bad. ”I never dreamed I'd have this much.”

”Well, ain't you lucky.”

”I've never been happier in my whole life.”

I leave it at that. Underneath all that happy, she sure doesn't look happy.

THAT NIGHT, I call AIBILEEN.

”Miss Hilly was at Miss Leefolt's yesterday,” Aibileen says. ”She ask if anybody knew where you was working.”

”Lordy, she find me out there, she ruirn it for sure.” It's been two weeks since the Terrible Awful Thing I did to that woman. I know she'd just love to see me fired on the spot.