Part 4 (1/2)

”If you'd just gotten his real name-”

”Well, I didn't. And I don't know what it would've changed other than having prepared me for seeing him. It would still be a night Declan couldn't know about.”

”Wasn't he wearing dog tags? Couldn't you have looked at those?”

I looked at Taylor's exasperated expression and made a face. ”I would have probably had a clue that he didn't go to Duke if he'd been wearing any! We probably wouldn't have even attempted to go back looking for him if I had thought he was in the military.”

”And if I disappeared tomorrow?”

My eyes shot open to find his dark ones staring intently at me, and my head shook once. ”As long as you don't disappear tonight.”

”Oh my G.o.d. He told me he was leaving. He told me, but I had figured it was a line he was feeding me.” Somewhat, I mentally added.

I'd heard enough from Declan to know that Jentry went through girls like they were nothing. It was why Declan had told Taylor not to get her hopes up for any kind of commitment, because Jentry would be with a girl only for a night. I felt so stupid for ever hoping that there could have been something between Jentry and me beyond that first night.

”What?”

I glanced over to see Taylor's confused expression, and wondered how long I'd been thinking about that night. When I looked back at the road, I told her what Jentry had asked that night at Duke all those months ago. ”I should've known he wouldn't have been there when we went back the next weekend.”

Taylor's face pinched. ”Seriously? A guy used something as douchey as that, and you obsessed over him that much?”

My face fell. ”I didn't obsess.”

”Whatever, it was enough that we went back to look for him. But back to my point: he used that line on you, and you didn't immediately walk away from him?”

I wanted to defend that night. I wanted to try to explain that Jentry's words had rung with a sadness and truth. But I knew in trying to get her to understand, I was just showing her the opposite of what I needed her to believe. That it had only been a night-a night I never thought of anymore, and a night that I'd rather forget.

Instead, I shrugged. ”I don't know. It was my one attempt at being rebellious, and it obviously ended with bad decisions.”

”Clearly,” she huffed. ”Incredibly hot decisions, but still. I can't believe you always left that douche part out.” She mumbled the last sentence to herself. ”And I still can't believe the one night you decided to be all crazy was the night I had a family dinner I couldn't get out of. What kind of friend are you?”

”The best?” I said uneasily, and gave her a wary look.

Her eyes slid over to meet mine, and a few seconds after I went back to looking at the street, she asked, ”So you really aren't telling Declan?”

”I can't,” I said weakly. ”I can't risk losing him. Not over a night that was a mistake before I'd even met him.” I forced my breathing to remain steady, and hated that the words felt wrong as they fell from my lips-like every part of my body knew I couldn't label that night as a mistake.

”Mistake?” she asked skeptically. ”You better be sure about that, Aurora Wilde, be-”

”Don't call me that.”

Taylor huffed in annoyance. ”Well, it's a serious conversation. And serious conversations call for your full name! Anyway, if there is even a part of you that isn't over that night with Jentry, then this could only get worse from here.”

My brow furrowed, and I turned slowly to study her. ”Well, I already had to deal with you being insecure. Don't start being vague for the first time in your life now, too! What exactly are you getting at?”

After a moment of hesitation, she said, ”This weekend is just the start. Once he gets out of the Marine Corps he'll be in your life even more. He'd Declan's best friend. He's his brother. Do you realize how often you'll see him? Do you realize the kind of temptation that will be in your life? You'll be playing with fire.”

I already have. I'd lain in the flames that we created, welcoming them as they burned brighter. ”There won't be any temptation.” Lie. Lie, lie, lie.

From Taylor's expression, she didn't believe my words, either. ”You need to tell Declan, and you need to do it soon. Because if your relations.h.i.+p with him continues and he finds out about your past with Jentry sometime down the road, it is going to be a lot worse for you when Declan thinks about all the time you and Jentry spent together.”

My stomach twisted nervously, and guilt spread through me slowly, mockingly. ”I can't do this,” I said when I parked next to Declan's truck in the driveway of the rental house. ”I can't-I have to tell him. He'll understand, right?”

Taylor's eyes widened slowly. Her lips pursed and her tone was suddenly hesitant. ”So, about that. Yes, you have to tell him. No, he isn't going to understand.”

A rush of air left my body, sounding like a whimper of pain. It didn't make sense. The night with Jentry had been before Declan had entered my life, but the guilt I felt over it was consuming me.

Grabbing a fistful of my hair, he wrenched me up off the bed until my back was flush with his chest. My surprised gasp faded into a soft whimper when he bit down on my shoulder, then placed a soft kiss in the same spot.

Hard, soft, hard, soft. The contradicting combination never ended, and I didn't want it to. I wanted more.

My breath caught, and I knew in that brief flash of a memory why . . .

Why this was wrecking my heart just thinking of telling Declan. Why I felt the guilt of an adulteress. Why I'd wanted to crawl under the table at dinner and die.

Because after all this time, I hadn't forgotten Jentry, or the way it felt to give myself to him. After all this time, my skin still tingled with the remembrance of his lips and fingers on me. After all this time, he was who I saw when I closed my eyes during every pa.s.sionate time with Declan. And after all this time . . . I wanted to experience it again.

5.

Present Day

Aurora

This was what it felt like to breathe.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd just breathed. Not this fully, anyway. Without worry or stress pressing down on my chest, always a reminder that I was in a constant state of unknown. That there was something missing from my life. That I wasn't happy.

But this, being in my new cla.s.sroom that was somehow chaotic and organized all at once, was giving me a strange sense of peace. Now that it was decorated and ready for school to begin in four days, I felt more at home than I did in the apartment I shared with Declan. That place was beginning to feel like a prison. A spotless prison.

I reveled in the feel of another deep breath, then slowly looked over to my phone and let the ache and uncertainty come flooding back.

My fingers stretched toward it as if they had a mind of their own. Before I could stop myself, I had the phone pressed to my ear and was holding my breath as I waited. . . .

And waited . . .

And waited.

My eyes shut and tears slipped down my cheeks when Declan's voice mail picked up.

”Where are you, Dec?” I asked softly, speaking over his voice.

I hung up without leaving a message, and tried to find the peace that I'd had just moments before. But I wasn't seeing my cla.s.sroom, I was seeing dozens of other things that made that peace impossible to grasp, and was thankful when my phone chimed.