Part 18 (1/2)

”So this is a question I've been sitting on for about thirty years now. How old are you, Tobias.”

”A lot older than you, that's for sure.”

”C'mon boy, there are no more secrets here.”

I scratched the back of my neck while doing the math in my head. This wasn't usually a question I answered.

”Uh, about three hundred and forty three, I think.”

The look on Micky's face was priceless. If he wasn't sitting down, I'm pretty sure he would've fallen on his a.s.s.

”Well f.u.c.k me! I think I'll take that drink now.”

We laughed as Micky h.o.a.rded all four shots I poured and downed them one after another. We spent the next hour talking and catching up and Micky still couldn't believe his eyes.

I avoided answering questions about what happened to Willow and me while we were locked up, and thankfully no one really pushed for answers.

Tristan and the others showed up just as we cracked open the second bottle of Jack. They all pulled up some chairs and it turned into a real party. At some point someone turned on some music and everything.

Colton and jasper were shooting some pool when Tristan finally said it was time to head home before Amelia killed him for taking so long.

”You guys go ahead; I think I'm going to crash here at the bar for a few nights.”

”Is this about you avoiding Willow?” Colton asked.

”I'm not avoiding her.”

”Bulls.h.i.+t, you haven't said a word to her since you got home.”

”So what, maybe I am avoiding her. I can't stay locked up in my room for the rest of my life. I just need to be away from the house for a few days.”

”Don't be so dramatic, go home and talk to your girl.” Jasper groaned.

”I almost f.u.c.king killed her!” I snapped at him.

”But you didn't.”

”But I could have! I wanted too. And there was nothing I could do to stop myself. She deserves better than that and if she had any sense what so ever she would take off, run for the hills and never look back. Just tell her to go and forget me and find peace and have the life she deserves without me.”

I felt my chest constricting at the thought of her leaving, but I couldn't be selfish anymore. I kept her from leaving last time and it ended up getting her tortured and nearly killed.

”You didn't see her face the day she woke up and found out we left you behind. We did; and let me tell you something brother, there is nothing in this world that girl wouldn't do for you. Willow would walk through h.e.l.l and back for you. s.h.i.+t, she already did and she was willing to do it again to get you home.”

Everyone nodded in agreement with Tristan, including Micky and his boys. I knew it was true, but I couldn't accept the fact that I could very well end up being the reason she does something stupid to get herself killed one day.

”I can't. No, I won't put her at risk again. She's better off without me.” I said through the pain that threatened to choke me, and then walked away from all of them, heading to the spare room upstairs.

”That's not your choice to make brother!” Tristan called after me.

I paced the small room back and forth while raking my fist through my hair. The thought of actually letting Willow go this time killed me inside, but I was doing the right thing.

There was knocking at the door, but I ignored it and continued to pace. I growled to myself as the person on the other side persisted.

”I told you, I'm staying here. Willow is better off without me.”

”That may very well be the case, but if you don't open this door I'm kicking your a.s.s out of my bar, boy!”

I was relieved to hear Micky's voice from the other side instead of one of my brothers. I pulled open the door to let Micky in.

”You goin' to tell me what's going on with that little miss of yours?”

”Nothing to tell.”

”I don't believe that. I see the way you look at her and the last time the two of you were in my bar you flew out of here like a bat out of h.e.l.l just to keep her in your life.”

Things were different then, why didn't anyone understand that?

”She nearly died because of me.”

”You can't blame yourself for that.”

”I was the one who almost killed her, so yeah; I can blame myself for that.”

”That wasn't you. You weren't yourself.”

”You don't even know me Mick, you have no idea about the things I have done, the people I have killed. I'm no good for her; I'm no good for any of you. I'll only be here for a night or two at the most, then I'll find my way out of town.”

There was nothing but silence for the longest time; I was beginning to wonder if maybe he fell asleep standing, with his eyes open.

”Listen here son, you're older than me, but it's pretty clear as f.u.c.k you aren't wiser than me. I may not know you in the way you think, but I know enough. You brought me my boys. They were dead; you stood at my side at their funeral and now you've brought them home to me. You stood at my side through my darkest hours when I had nothing left to live for. You helped me survive the darkest parts of me. Now, I'm going to return the favor.”

I stopped pacing as Micky grabbed me by the shoulders and squared off to me, making sure I paid attention to every word he had to say.

”I can never repay you for all that you have done for me. You may have hurt people, you may have put people in danger, and you have even killed people, but I won't sit by and watch you ruin your own life. You are a good man, Tobias. You have honor and compa.s.sion and even though you might not be the best thing for that girl, she sure as s.h.i.+t is the best d.a.m.n thing that has ever happened to you, so stop f.u.c.king it up!”

He was right, I'd give him that.

”Willow is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but that's why I have to let her go. I can't keep putting her in danger; it's selfish.”

”No. What's selfish is you taking away her choice in the matter. You don't care what she wants; all you care about is making yourself feel better, like you did the right thing. Well guess what, it's not about you! You can stay the night if you want, I won't stop you, but if that girl loves you like they say she does, don't let her go without a fight. Lord knows you will never find another one like her.”

I could see the pain in his eyes. I wasn't sure if he was even talking about Willow anymore, or if he was referring to his late wife, but it didn't matter. I could never forgive myself for what I did to her.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

WILLOW.