Part 28 (1/2)

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE.

Seattle.

They say that.

They say that when the front side of your brain is squashed against the backside (They don't say that; who's talking here, anyway?) They say that when that happens, your consciousness retreats down your brainstem into your spinal cord and ends up in your a.s.shole. I can't smell a thing but for this constant stink of sour blood and s.h.i.+t. All things would be equal, really, if I could smell something else, but then, I don't really have a nose any longer, do I? so it's what they call a phantom limb or organ or whatever. And maybe my brain is the same way. Now that it's squashed it's a phantom brain and can hurt or twinge or think nightmares are real or do whatever it d.a.m.n well pleases.

What a mess.

'h.e.l.lo, Agent Griffin.'

This was somebody he probably did not know, standing in front of the bed, blocking out the most interesting part of the room, the part with the television. When the television was turned off and it wasn't blocked, he could play back anything he wanted on that ancient blank screen. He usually just played back scenes of dating, going through high school, getting drunk after graduating, getting in that car wreck that almost killed his future wife. Them parading around outside the car in the ditch, laughing and crying, then burying the beer bottles and the half-full pint of Wild Turkey before the sheriff arrived. That was back in Praise-be-to-G.o.d Silesia, Ohio.

No, it wasn't. You drove through Silesia once, but that was not where the accident happened. Someone is standing in front of the television screen and I can't see it clearly now, where we had that accident, Georgina and myself, our younger selves. William was never that stupid or that wild. He never told me about it anyway.

It wasn't Silesia, Ohio, it was...

'h.e.l.lo, Griff, it's Kerry Markham. Deputy Markham. I'm here to say...'

They come through every hour on the hour, keeping tabs on me. I am their awful fate. I am diving into the deep ocean with an anchor chained to my foot.

What the h.e.l.l happened in Silesia? It was the Fourth of July and they were shooting off fireworks. No. I never saw that.

Kerry Markham. I still have a memory of recent events. Let's use it. I can see the TV now. There's Georgina and me on the outskirts of Duluth. I was right. It wasn't Ohio.

Kerry Markham was still talking. Griff decided to listen for once. 'I'm sorry. Christ, I'm sorry it had to be you and all the other guys. I wish he had taken me down right at the start, me instead of you-and the bomb and all. It's been preying on me. Driving me a little bonkers, if you know what I mean, I get distracted so easily. I thought if I could just make it square-I'd get it all back again. My mojo.'

So what in h.e.l.l is it with Silesia? All I remember is that it had a lot of churches. Driving through the town, Georgina looked it up in the triple-A and told me Guinness had certified it had more churches per capita than any other town in the country. Surprising, because you'd think that should be down south somewhere. I should write that down.

Griff took the marker in his hand and scrawled on the legal pad, ESIA SILESIA OHIO.

Someone-Kerry Markham, a Snohomish County sheriff's deputy, judging by the color of his uniform-picked it up and looked it over. 'I've been making notes myself, just to keep on the ball,' Markham said. 'I've gotten so distracted lately.' He rubbed his neck and chuckled. 'I shouldn't be losing my mind this early, this young, should I? My mind, my memory.'

The marker fell to the floor and Griff went back to watching the blank TV until a nurse came in, saw his focus, and turned it on.

By that time, the deputy was gone.

His thoughts faded to gray. His hand made random motions over the pad. The nurse put the marker and the pad on the table.

'That's enough of that,' she said.

William sat on the hospital chair and looked over the recent stack of scratches and broken words. Rebecca was in the hallway; she had been on her slate for the last two hours. They were checked out, bags packed, ambulatory-as Griff had once called being ready for action.

Griff lay with the plastic sheet pinned up and his mouth finally free of tubes. Fresh patches of pale green Gro-Guide had been spread over his cheeks and nose. The fingers on his elevated arm twitched, which the doctor said was a good sign, but his free arm lay with hand fisted like a dead bug.

William touched the fist.

'Silesia, Ohio. What does that mean, Griff?'

Griff turned his eyes in William's direction. 'Churches,' he said, and moved his eyes back to the television screen mounted near the ceiling. The TV was on but with the sound turned down. Griff's lips moved. William placed his face between Griff and the TV screen. 'h.e.l.lo, Griff?'

'Off,' Griff said in less than a whisper.

'The TV? Sure.' William used the bedside clicker to switch off the television. Griff continued to stare at the blank screen. William thought that had his father's face been capable of expression, he might have been frowning in concentration. His eyes showed that much.

'Torn,' Griff whispered. His hand relaxed and started to move. His eyes switched left to look at his hand, then, for the first time, Griff looked at William. 'Map.'

'Torn map,' William said.

'In barn. Silesia.'

'Map of Silesia...in the barn.'

'Churches,' Griff said. He was staring at the TV screen again.

'Would you like the TV turned on?'

'No.'

'Would you like to sleep?'

Rebecca came into the room and stood beside William. Her presence did not seem to register. Griff relaxed his fist and wriggled his fingers. 'Write.'

William put the marker in his hand and replaced the legal pad. Griff scrawled. 'It still hurts to talk,' William said.

'I wonder what doesn't hurt,' Rebecca said.

Griff wrote: JWS IN SILESIA 0 'Jews,' William said.

Griff drew a definitive slash through the 0, emphasizing that he meant zero. Zero Jews in Silesia.

'So?'

XTIAN.

Then, JWS, again.

'Christians and Jews.'

X THEM ALL.

'I don't think you mean kiss them all, do you?' Rebecca moved closer. 'Griff, let me tell you what we think we know, and you just make a slash if you agree, or a circle if you don't. Right?'

Griff made a slash.