Part 25 (1/2)
”Where are you off to, darling?” Mom asks. ”Service is at eight.”
I look back at the table-Dad is reading the paper now and Mom is standing up to clear the dishes.
”I think I'll attend the second service at eleven today,” I say. ”I need to go for a walk.”
Before they object, I spin on my heels and head out the front door.
They could stop me. They could talk this out with me more. They could ask me about what I'm feeling. But they don't, and I know they won't bring it up later either. They want to dam up the rush of my doubting thoughts with fast answers, and I'm sure they think that's what they've done. My parents will never entertain certain questions with me. So I'm going to talk to someone who will.
Chapter Thirty-one.
It's early, but I text Ty from my driveway anyway and start heading toward Ulster Park. It's too far to walk, but soon I hear his loud red BMW behind me. He pulls to the side of the road and leans over, swinging open the pa.s.senger door.
”Get in,” he says.
I flash back to the first night he pulled over for me, how nervous and rebellious I felt just talking to him. Could that have been just a few months ago?
We drive in silence to Ulster Park. We don't have the sleeping bag with us, so we sit right on the gra.s.s. I lean into him and he puts his arms around me. There's a square of sunlight on the ground, and I ease my toes into that spot. Even though it's almost seventy degrees today-a gorgeous fall afternoon-my feet are always cold.
”I heard about last night,” Ty says. ”Sounds like you were really moved by the spirit.”
He's not being sarcastic, but I can tell he's wondering what I'll say, how I'll interpret the fainting incident.
”I lost it,” I say. ”All the blood and Jeremy's angry lines and Pastor Tannen-and the burger baby!”
”The burger baby!” howls Ty, and he laughs so much that I have to readjust my position.
”Dean is really good at shaping that burger baby,” I say, settling back against Ty's chest.
”There is no way that burger baby looks remotely real,” Ty says.
”Don't tell Dean that, but you're right,” I say. ”It's just a gross ball of meat. Dean has to keep a few of them in the church freezer, ready to go.”
”No wonder you got sick,” says Ty. ”So you really fainted?”
”I really fainted,” I say.
”Well, you picked a good moment,” he says. ”You were in a hospital bed, right?”
”True,” I say. ”My timing was impeccable.”
”So does this early-morning rendezvous mean you're not going to church today?” he asks.
I look at him, surprised.
”Of course not,” I say. ”We'll go at eleven.”
”Okay, okay,” he says. ”Just checking. I was surprised to see your text on a Sunday morning-I didn't know how much things had changed last night.”
I let out a loud sigh.
”What is it?” asks Ty. He b.u.mps his shoulder against me so I have to sit up and face him. He's good at insisting on eye contact when he knows I might otherwise stare at the gra.s.s.
I push a strand of stray hair out of my face and tuck it behind my ear.
”I'm quitting h.e.l.l House,” I say.
”No, you're not,” Ty says.
”I am,” I say. ”I'm going to tell my dad this afternoon so Laura Bergen can do the rest of the rehearsals.”
”That's ridiculous,” says Ty. ”Laura Bergen couldn't act her way out of a paper bag.”
”But she believes,” I say.
”And you suddenly don't believe anymore, after living your whole life in this church?” he asks. ”I don't buy that.”
”It's not that I don't believe,” I say. ”I still do. And I may come back to every belief I had, a hundred percent. Who knows? But I want to think about things. I want to figure out what I believe, in my own time, with my own experiences.”
Ty takes my face in his hands then, and he kisses me. It's long and hard, it's letting go. It's a kiss that feels like more than l.u.s.t. It feels like something real.
”I love you for saying that,” Ty says, when our lips finally part.
It's not quite an ”I love you,” but it's close. I feel my cheeks get red and I bury my head in his chest so he doesn't notice.
”But, Lacey,” Ty says, putting an arm around me once again. ”You're not dropping out of h.e.l.l House.”
”I have to,” I say. ”It isn't fair for me to have these questions in my head.”
”You just said you're trying to figure things out,” Ty says. ”h.e.l.l House is part of that. It's been your dream to play this part for so long. And you're brilliant at it! Aunt Vivian says you've raised the stakes for the other actors.”
”That's only because they think I'm channeling G.o.d,” I say. ”What I was channeling last night was confusion and repulsion-it's a little different.”
”And you can tell them that,” he says. ”You can tell the truth and they will see what they choose to see.”
”My dad still thinks it was G.o.d,” I say.
”Maybe it was,” says Ty. ”The Lord does work in mysterious ways.”
”Does he work through a burger baby?” I ask, smiling.
”Could be!” says Ty, grinning back at me.