Part 20 (1/2)
”But he did, and you charged him, and now he knows a little more about you than he did.”
”And vice versa,” I said.
”What do you know about him,” she said.
”He's not caught up in macho games,” I said. ”He took a shot at me and it didn't work out so he walked away from it. There'll be another time, he'll look for it. He's not interested in who's tougher. He's interested in who's dead.”
”What if you hadn't seen the reflection off the scope?” Susan said. ”Or thought it was just a birdwatcher?”
”Well, I know somebody's out to kill me. I see a flash and dive for cover and it turns out to be some guy looking at a red-shafted flicker, the worst that happens is I'm embarra.s.sed. If it's a guy with a gun and I don't dive for cover, I'm dead.”
”Can you go through life diving for cover every time you see a light reflection?”
”Depends on how long it takes to get this guy.”
Susan nodded slowly as I spoke. She picked up her gla.s.s and drank some Merlot, and put the gla.s.s back down slowly. Then she smiled slowly, although there didn't seem much pleasure in the smile.
”You are a piece of work,” she said.
”Comely in every aspect,” I said.
”The Gray Man thinks he's chasing you”-she shook her head once, briefly-”and you think you're chasing him.”
”I am chasing him,” I said. ”What I don't want is for him to know it.”
Susan drank again. For her this was close to guzzling.
”Perhaps you should be the one they're guarding 'round the clock,” she said.
I shook my head.
”No. He's using the implied threat against you to distract me. As long as I've got you covered, that won't work for him. I take it away from you and I will worry about you all the time, and he'll have won that round.”
”Are you sure it's not a macho thing with you?”
”No. But until he's disposed of, I can't do what I do and we can't live the life we want to lead.”
”Yes.”
”I'm sorry that what I do has spilled out all over you like this.”
”I have always known what you do,” she said. ”I'm a consenting adult.”
”I could walk away from it,” I said. ”I drop the Ellis Alves thing and all this goes away.”
She shook her head at once.
”No,” she said. ”You can't walk away from it. You are exactly suited by talent, by temperament, h.e.l.l, by size, to do this odd thing that you do. You can't do something else.”
”I can sing nearly all the love songs of the swing era,” I said.
”Only to me,” Susan said.
”You're the only one I want to sing them to.”
”I'm the only one that would listen.”
She got up and went to the oven and took out the pizza. She slid it out of the box and onto a big gla.s.s platter with a gold trim around the rim. She took a big pair of scissors from a drawer and began to cut the pizza into individual slices. She put the platter on the counter between us and set out two smaller plates that matched the platter, and a knife, fork, and spoon for each of us.
”Flatware to eat pizza?” I said.
”Optional,” she said.
”When I'm alone I eat it from the box,” I said. ”Standing up by the sink.”
”I have no doubt of that,” she said.
I picked up a slice. By the time I had finished it and washed it down with some wine, Susan had cut a small triangle off the tip of her slice and was conveying it to her mouth with a fork. I picked up another slice.
”You matter to me,” I said, ”more than what I do, or who I am. If you need me to quit, I'll quit.”
She shook her head again while she carefully chewed her pizza. When she had swallowed and sipped some wine and blotted her mouth with her napkin, she said, ”Yes. You would. But you should not. You are an odd combination of violence and concern. You contain the violence very well, but it's there, and I would be a fool, and you would be a fool, to think it was less a part of you than the concern.”
”You're right,” I said. ”Sometimes I wish you weren't.”
”No need to wish I weren't,” Susan said. ”You know yourself. You understand your violence as well as you understand your capacity for kindness, maybe better.”
”Maybe it needs more understanding,” I said.
”Yes, it does,” Susan said. ”Kindness is not dangerous. You have found a way to work and live which allows you to integrate the violence and the compa.s.sion. If you had no impulse to violence, your compa.s.sion wouldn't be so admirable. If you had no compa.s.sion, your violence would be intolerable. You understand what I'm saying?”
”As long as I pay close attention,” I said.
”You are able to apply the impulse to violence in the service of compa.s.sion. Your profession allows you actually to exist at the point where vocation and avocation meet. Few people achieve that,” she said. ”I would not have you change.”
I was quiet for a moment admiring the amount of time she had spent thinking about me. Even while I was doing this I was also thinking about how beautiful she was.
”Does this mean you love me?” I said.
She plucked a single julienne of green pepper from the top of the pizza and ate it slowly while she looked at my face thoughtfully. She didn't say anything until she had swallowed the green pepper.
Then she said, ”You bet your a.s.s it does.”
Chapter 29.
IT WAS TIME to talk with the eyewitnesses again. Glenda seemed a better bet than Hunt, so I went up to Andover in the middle of a cold, sunny afternoon and parked on Main Street out front of the Healthfleet Fitness Center. I was wearing a Navy surplus peacoat and a black Chicago White Sox baseball cap, and when I snuck a peek at myself in a store window I thought I looked both das.h.i.+ng and ominous. Up and down Main Street, Andover, there was no sign of the Gray Man, which didn't, of course, mean that he wasn't there. Healthfleet was up a flight of stairs above a coffee shop and a medical supply store. Inside the entrance was the usual desk manned by the usual upbeat teenybopper in designer sweats and a ponytail who urged everybody as they checked in to have a great workout. I'd never figured out why cheerfulness and exercise were so tightly linked in everybody's marketing system, but it was the official att.i.tude in all health clubs. Made me think fondly of the old boxing gyms that I had trained in where people came to work hard, and concentrated on it.