Part 7 (1/2)

I just called Bobby at home and talked to him about it for ato whisper and talk about it at the same time so that no one would hear and he started to cry, I think I couldn't really tell for sure, but I think maybe he had lied to himself the way I did I don't think either of us realized e'd done

I was on the phone in my room, and I just stared at the bedpost while Bobby was silent on the other end of the line I think I am in over my head with the coke, but I just can't stop It has been the only thing besides Johnny Horne and all sorts of sex that has keptto hell Me and Bobby Briggs in hell, side by side, doing coke with the devil I know that isn't funny It isn't funny at all

In the dreauy Bobby shot stood up after the bullet went into his chest, and he said that death had given him sixty seconds to tell us our future

He said, ”You, with the gun watch yourself Those who die this way memorize the face of their killer, and tell Death about the face Death co for you Takes your friends, or a parent Death takes what you have allowed it to Murder is just a way of shaking Death's hand and telling him, ”What is mine, is yours”

In the dreauy said, ”You watch that girlfriend of yours So her a seat”

And it was over

I told Bobby about the dreao He didn't say where, he just said he had to get off the phone and go

I bought Bobby a pair of his favorite boots for Christmas They were expensive, but I had saved a lot, believe it or not, frouess I started to feel like it was bad to use that money for coke I haven't needed it lately because Jacques and Leo have been into getting ames

I don't even have to call them anymore Jacques callsback about a job I applied for I always know it's going to be a wild night when Mo about your application?”

I should get a real job Soh and pretty and paid

Diary, I hope that htmare memory, and that if the man in Lon is dead, that he is somewhere nice, or that at least there is no pain for him I'm afraid that if he had pain now, that somehow Death would save a seat for me Death would probably let BOB hold that seat I don't want to think that

I' to take a shower and do some blasts I need to finish Donna's Christuess not I don't see it above Well, I was feeling like I should do soive her so that would take her ht be in That's my business now

I called Dr Hayward, talked for a while, and had him sneak Donna's blue-jean jacket to me when she wasn't hoht all the beads, patches, and embroidery-thread colors she likes I have been up for the past few nights sewing everything onto the jacket in neat designs I know she has wanted to do it herself for ages, so I hope she likes this I need her to stop worrying It only causes trouble

See you later, Diary

Love, Laura December 23, 1987 Dear Diary, I finished Donna's jacket, and it is now 4:20 AM I can't get to sleep and I' to Jacques's or Leo's to look for soave reat Maybe I'll call first I don't want to walk through the woods without good reason

Be back in a lad I didn't walk all the way out there without calling I'ot lost, and so afraid in the darkness of the woods, that I just sat down and cried until the sky got light enough to find my way home I was offered a ride home, but I was afraid that Dad would be hoht when he got to the house He likes his little girl the way she used to be maybe still should be No

Anyway, I talked to Leo first, and he said he missed me Shelley was back froetting never cao back in about a week because her aunt left her a lot of the stuff

He asked if I had sent inon it, but I needed to cohed a little and said that Jacques had so to tell me

Jacques came on the line and I told him I was sorry to call so late

He said he'd only be mad if I hadn't called, then he calledHe said Leo told him why I had called, but that he was already prepared for this to happen He told ht, the white lace one, he had hidden one of my Christet it, but he said Leo needed the phone

Shelley aiting for hiuess he doesn't want to be around her right now I hung up and searched through my drawer for the bra

The white lace one is one of Jacques's favorites It has a wire support and it makes my breasts look really nice So I found the bra thank God I hadn't had ti!

Inside the fabric cup, I felt a package, about the size of a cigarette pack, but thinner I'm so lucky Mom didn't find this When I opened it, I realized that the wrapper was a folded, torn-out page frouy built kind of like Jacques, kneeling in front of a really pretty blond girl I think she was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen in that irl was almost naked with a parrot on her shoulder, and theher feet like he adored her At the botto of you, fantasy girl”

Inside there were four Valiuram of coke, and a silver wand Brand-new and shi+ny I becaot what time it was, and I heard Mom call my name to see if I was okay

I flipped all but one of the lights off in my room, shoved the packet back into the bra, and slipped it under the bed I put Donna's jacket across my lap and pretended that I had fallen asleep

A ently, and told me to hop in bed I was brilliant in the role of innocent, sleeping daughter I kissed her and mumbled a little, and after she left, I waited alht all of the treats up onto the comforter and played in the dark, until it was safe to put a towel under the door and switch the light back on I only used the night-light, because it was sexier than the bright one over htful, nasty, and still-innocent fantasy I'll have to tell ht now I'm on two Valiued, but damn if I don't feel absolutely perfect

I think I'll look at Fleshworld issues for a while before it gets light out I'll either tell you the fantasy I just had, or one I get a new idea for froht, L Christet the tune of Christ the like it was, I could hardly stand anyand asked for a dance with his favorite little girl Dad and I hadn't danced in years, I don't think

Memories of parties at the Great Northern, with the blur of streamers and buffets and crystal came into my head, the way I saw them as Dad and I turned round and round He would spin ht way, and ould laugh and laugh

This dance this hts on the tree were already turned on so that Mom could bake in the true spirit of the season, and I watched the red and green and blue and white pass by et too dizzy, and I saw his eyes light up, and a tear for slowed, and he grabbed

Moing in front of the Christmas tree was the best present she could ask for

So s happen in life My life, I , I was in my room buried deep in a very, very different world I hope I never have to choose between the two Each one makes me happy for different reasons

I came out here to write my fantasy out, but it is almost too cold and too pretty for onna head over to the Double R and get some hot coffee Maybe I'll find a private booth

Back soon, L Christmas Eve Day, 1987, later Dear Diary, When I walked in here, the Double R Diner, Norma immediately poured me a cup of coffee Perfect I told her I wanted to do so to the booth in back instead of the counter

Before taking my seat, I picked up my cup of coffee fro very quietly about two seats down Her face was buried in a book bearing the nae, absorbed in the story completely I saw by her plate that she had eaten a piece of cherry pie A la mode and was on her way to quite a caffeine rush

I looked at Norreat character A nice, kind-faced old woood book I went to the back booth and got coet into the fantasy with you, but Shelley Johnson came out of the back room

Leo's wife is prettier than I had remembered I watched her I was very careful to study her body when sheback and forth between feeling totally co like I had no chance at all over her Then I heard her saying so about how he's never hoet it on I had won I felt like a bitch for thinking it, but I thought, I've been doing it with hi it if you won't

I knew that wasn't what she meant, but I couldn't feel sorry for her, or I would never be able to see Leo again I couldn't deal with that

I watched as the old woman from the counter tried to make her way out of the diner It was obvious that it was difficult for her, and I felt for a et up and help her but Shelley did it

Norma came over with more coffee and said that the old woman comes in a lot, but it is difficult for her towith each step, as I could probably see

Norma said that there are a lot of senior citizens in Twin Peaks who have no one to take care of theo at least not without heading into Montana Most want to stay here It's quiet They're happy for thethis around in my head A problem to solve I would do more than just help the woman to the door! Uh-oh Competitive Laura, front and center I hadn't felt like this since ele a way to help the senior citizens Norma mentioned

I left a note for Norma when I paid the check I said that I wanted to talkthese people I told her she could callto try to catch a ride to Johnny's with Ed Hurley I can see hi that way

Speak soon, Laura