276 Two Raids 1 (2/2)

”... Thanks.”

The mustached man walked through the pathway filled with corpses of those the intruder killed. Before completely disappearing from Ver's view, he said, ”Sorry, I won't help you kill my own people. We're similarly deceived. But I've had enough of the killings, plus I'm never that heartless. Good luck and bye.”

”...”

After that short talk, Ver resolutely continued his massacre. When he finally reached the dungeons, it was really empty. And no, it was not that simple. While the area above had long been suffused with the aura and smell of blood, the lower floors were surprisingly clean, actually cleaner than his room at J Country.

”That Sam had released everybody here a long time ago?” He knitted his brows, musing to himself. ”...He's obviously so soft-hearted that he should just go run an orphanage or become a monk. Why did he stay so long?”

He grumbled for a while. Then after making sure that everything had been taken care of, he left the place.

'... The clone should be at Gavin's territory, huh?' He trembled in rage, not forgetting that it was that ugly masked bastard who really did the kidnapping. When he teleported from there with that place as his destination, there was a fire in his eyes that craved for more blood to spill.

'No matter what happens, I must kill that bastard!'

...

Meanwhile, unlike the foreigner man whose raid turned out so smooth it was like a joke, Sofia, Sofony's secondary host, was not as fortunate, seemingly smiled upon the damnable goddess of unluckiness.

Without an insider's surprise cooperation like Ver nor an army's help like Sofony, she faced an entirely different dilemma, internally crying to herself, '...My dearest Original, why the heck am I feeling like I was deceived and even unknowingly entered a Last Boss' den!?'

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:  P-L-E-A-S-E  R-E-A-D

(don't worry, the following wall of text is excluded from the word count the system converted into ss amount, cross my heart, I added the note after I made sure the 1.8k words above will stay 9ss or 4ss if the country is having discounts)

Hi, everyone. And my deepest apologies for the hiatus. I know though a simple apology won't suffice so to clear the misunderstanding, allow me to clarify why I took so long to update again.

First of all, I don't plan to abandon TSQ. It's the first novel I invested so much time and energy. It's very hard for me to truly leave it since it's like my first child. So I truly have neither the plans nor the heart to abandon it.

Before anything else though, let me clarify too that it's not that my other novel took away my time. You all know that when Sinners' is still active, that novel too is active. I have all the time in the world to update it, and even if life happens, churning out a chapter a week should not be that hard. So what truly happened...?

Well, I have the option to lie and truly use the 'life happens' excuse, but I want to be honest. I know that TSQ started out extremely mature, and even now the story is still as dark as its initial chapters. I know that it will not be accepted by the majority due to the scenes it has. And I know I should have prepared myself for all the types of criticisms it will receive.

However, maybe due to being new to this, and not totally having experience in handling negative stuff being thrown at me, I didn't manage to monitor myself and check my ability to take on the insults and criticisms. Whenever I received bad reviews or comments I just said to myself, okay, move on, accept, and stay strong. All my fellow authors experienced the same so I should not make a big deal out of it. Yeah, stop whining, FallenBlue.

But then I saw that every single day (I think even now, from my earliest chaps), I'm still receiving those kinds of stuff. Compared to others, my novel is not on the top so it's impossible/next to impossible for it to attract the trolls. I could only accept that the comments and reviews are real. Well, the majority has a point so I can't really complain. Who asked me to write many heavy materials in my novel. I have no one to blame actually. Lols. I could only accept. And I could not reply or refute.

However, I just feel like I need to say this. Without me noticing, those things just piled up, every other day, if not every single day, I saw people commenting/pointing out on how much of a PIECE OF GARBAGE I have written. (I doubt if these people even read past the first volume or even the first ten chapters yet they immediately jumped into a conclusion. But I hate myself more for being affected.)

At first, I'm okay, I can easily move on, coz I have readers waiting for updates. I think, or I hope even now, there are still some. However, just like I said above, maybe I was just not truly prepared that time. So when it all accumulated within- the misgivings, self-doubt, insecurities, hate, everything, I crumbled down and couldn't bring myself to pick TSQ up.

It was just hard. One time, I was even cursed to have a bad life, saying I'm mental and a psycho. Well, maybe I am truly becoming one. Though I hope not. *laugh_cry* The main point though is that it's always in my mind and it's one of those which truly crushed my heart. I always wish everyone could be mindful of what they say coz even if the words are said through the internet, the one on the receiving end can't really be protected by his/her monitor/screen from being hurt.

But alright. Let's say it's my fault coz I was not mentally and emotionally strong enough yet I dared to write such heavy novel. I was not strong enough to accept that the damn novel I wrote for 8 months or so (minus the hiatus), and poured so much time, effort, brain cells, heart, everything into writing is demeaned like that. Lols, not even demeaned. Or maybe it is, just that I'm included in it.

I don't know anymore. I only know the result... Hiatus. And to be honest, I hated myself for doing that, because I always want to write it, but couldn't. Nothing's coming to mind, or maybe I'm afraid to continue it since the words are still ringing in my head. I was so passionate about TSQ so I never imagined I would come to that point. I always feel heartbroken every time I go to inkstone and try to type something only to end up with a blank document.

Then there's how I always felt so bad because people are still voting for it. Every time I see votes (especially from those loyal ones who kept voting despite the two months of hiatus), I would cheer to myself, 'Hey, write, aren't you ashamed of yourself? You have readers voting and readers who still haven't removed your story in their library. Write. Write. Write. Why can't you bring yourself to write! Stooopid. Pick yourself up!'

Who knows how many times I scolded myself already. *laugh_cry*

I consulted a few friends and cried to them my dilemma, and every time I hear their encouragement, to be honest, I only feel more like crying. And even now, while typing this, it's past 3 am here, and I'm crying.

I feel guilty. And annoyed at my self. If I were in the shoes of the readers, and see an author doing what I'm currently doing, I'll probably just say, lols, TLDR, or what a weak-hearted person. But now I couldn't do that coz I am the one experiencing it. I have to say, it's not easy and even now, it's hard to face this story. Today's update is written for a whole week. It's a chapter I could have written with ease in two-three hours before. But what happened? Well, I already explained above. It's ironic how it's easier for me to type what I have always wanted to say to everyone than to write a chapter.

I'm sorry for the wall of text, it's just that I feel like without pouring my heart out I won't be able to pick myself up. It's just annoying and heartbreaking bottling things to myself. In the end, actually, all I want to say is that I'm weak, that I hate myself for taking a hiatus, but couldn't do anything since I'm just human. I'm sorry too for everyone who is still here despite what happened. Sorry again. So now, I plan to get back to regular releases and continue writing TSQ to make up for everyone. Thanks for reading.

...

PS: Privilege will go offline next month. I already deactivated it last week or so, but I just found out the effect is not immediate and will only take place the following month. Thank you for all the support and sorry for the inconvenience brought. FallenBlue loves you all (except the damn haters who only know how to make people doubt even their existence's purposes, go away burn somewhere! Or be a monk! Or terrorize other novels! Grrrrrrr!)