Part 8 (2/2)
My parents sent me here against my will, now I stay here against their will, because they have unfitted me by the life I have led here for that from which I came.”
We listened appalled.
”Will you tell me some news, kind ladies?” he added, the while a mournful look came into his face, ”for, as the _Igumen_ said I might take you round to-day and stay with you, I should like to hear something to tell the others to-night.”
”What sort of news?” we asked, a lump rising in our throats as we realised the sadness of this young life. Gently born and gently bred, educated as a gentleman, for nearly four years he had mixed with those beneath him, socially and intellectually, until he had almost reached their level. He lived with those by birth his inferiors, although he kept himself smart and clean and tidy.
”Oh!” he said, ”I remember Home Rule was written about when I last saw the papers. Home Rule for Ireland like one has in Finland.”
Hardly believing in his total innocence of the outer world, we asked--
”Does no one ever really see a paper in this monastery?”
”The _Igumen_ does, I think, no one else; but I did hear, through visitors, that our young Tzarwitch had been made Tzar lately.”
Oh! the pity of it all. Talking to this beautiful boy was like speaking to a spirit from another world.
We ransacked our brains as to what would interest an educated young man, whose knowledge of the events that had engrossed his fellows for four whole years was a perfect blank.
”Have you heard of horseless carriages and flying machines?” we asked.
”No. What are they; what do you mean? Don't joke, please, because every true word you say is of value to me, you see,” he said, in an almost beseeching tone, with a wistful expression in his eyes.
It was very touching, and we almost wept over his boyish pleasure at our description of modern doings. We told him of everything and anything we could think of, and he sat, poor lad, the while sipping tea without milk or sugar as though it were nectar, and eating white bread, as if the most tasty of French confections.
”You _are_ good to me,” he said; ”you are kind to tell me,” and tears sparkled in his eyes.
”Why, why,” in distress we asked him, ”do you stay here?”
”It is very nice,” he said, but we heard that strange ring again in the voice of that beautiful boy.
”But to live here is selfish and wrong; you live for yourself, you do not teach the ignorant, or heal the sick; you bury yourself away from temptation, so there is no virtue in being good. Ignorance is not virtue, it is knowledge tempered by abstinence that spells victory. You are educated in mind and strong in body; you could do much finer work for your G.o.d by going into the world than by staying at _Valamo_. You ought to mix among your fellows, help them in their lives, and show them a good example in your own.”
”You think so?” he almost gasped, rising from his seat. ”So help me, G.o.d! I have been feeling as much myself. I know there is something wrong in this reposeful life; I feel--I feel sometimes--and yet, _I am very happy here_.” A statement it was quite impossible to believe.
We spoke to him very earnestly, for there was something deeply touching about the lad, and then he repeated he was free to go if he chose. He explained that when his penance was performed and he was free to leave, some months before, he had become so accustomed to the life, so afraid of the world, that he chose to remain. But that, latterly, doubts began to trouble him, and now, well, he was glad to hear us talk; it had done him good, for he never, never before talked so much to strangers, and it was perhaps wrong for him to do so now. If such were the case, might Heaven forgive him.
”But come,” he finished, as though desirous of changing the subject, ”I must show you our refectory.”
We had become so entranced by the boy, his doubts and fears, that we rose reluctantly to follow the gaunt youth, whose bodily and mental strength seemed wasting away in that atmosphere of baleful repose.
He showed us the great dining-hall where the wooden tables were laid for supper. There were no cloths; cloths being only used for great feast-days, and the simplicity was greater than a convict prison, and the diet far more strict. Yet these men chose it of their own free will.
No wonder our starving cla.s.ses elect to live in prison at the country's expense during the cold winter months, and to sleep in our public parks during the summer; such a life is far preferable, more free and yet well cared for than that of the Russian monk.
Little brown earthenware soup plates, with delicious pale-green glazed china linings, stood in front of every monk's place. Benches without backs were their seats, and tall wooden boxes their salt-cellars. On each table stood a couple of large pewter soup-tureens filled with small beer; they drink from a sort of pewter soup ladle, which they replace on the edge of the pot after use.
What about germ disease in such a place, O ye bacteriologists? But certainly the average monk looks very ill, even when presumably healthy!
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