Part 4 (1/2)

HE.--”No, indeed! Is it--er--recent enough for congratulations?”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: UNLUCKY SPEECHES

SHE.--”What a disagreeable thing that insomnia must be! Very trying, I think! Do _you_ ever suffer from it, Captain Spinks?”

HE.--”Oh, dear, no. I can sleep anywhere, at any time! Could go off _this moment_, I a.s.sure you...!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: FIN DE SIeCLE

”That's where poor Mrs. Wilkins used to live!”

”Why '_poor_' Mrs. Wilkins?”

”Well, her husband was killed in that horrid railway accident, don't you remember?”

”Oh, but that was _months_ ago!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A CUP OF TEA AND A QUIET CIGARETTE AFTER LUNCH]

[Ill.u.s.tration: PRECEDENCE IN VANITY FAIR

The lady guests go in to dinner with the host and young Sir John and young Sir James and the Hon. d.i.c.k Swiveller, while the hostess naturally takes the arm of her nephew, Lord Goslin (_just from Eton_), so that, as the party is just two ladies short, Dr. Jones, the great historian, and Professor Brown, the famous philologist (_whose wives have not been asked_), bring up the rear together.

THE DOCTOR.--”Well, Professor, we may be of less _consequence_ than the rest, but at all events we're the _oldest_ and the most renowned!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THINGS ONE COULD WISH TO HAVE EXPRESSED OTHERWISE

PUZZLED HOSTESS.--”I beg your pardon, Lord Bovril, but _will_ you tell me whether I ought to take _your_ arm, or Prince Sulkytoff's, or the Duke's?”

LORD BOVRIL (Lord-Lieutenant of the County).--”Well--a--since you ask me, I must tell you that--a--as her Majesty's representative, _I_ am bound to claim the honor! But I hope you won't for a moment suppose that I'm fool enough--a--to care _personally_ one rap about that sort of thing!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: DANCING MEN]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ILL-CONSIDERED UTTERANCES

WELL-PRESERVED ELDERLY COQUETTE.--”Ah! Admiral, _what_ a good time we had there, junketing and dancing and flirting! It all seems like yesterday! Do you remember the Carew girls, and your old flame Lucy Masters, and that poor boy Jack Lus.h.i.+ngton, who was so desperately in love with _me_?”