Part 56 (2/2)

He raised his eyes to the stained-gla.s.s window, where the Christ in his purple robes smiled a changeless smile. A swift desire stung him to see the insipid smile strengthen into a frown--to behold an overthrow of the strained monotony. Change for the sake of change were preferable. Only let the still red flame in the sanctuary-lamp send up one fitful blaze, one shadow darken the gilded serenity of the altar. Would it forever face him with that bland a.s.sumption of the permanence of creed--the d.a.m.nation of doubt? Would time never tarnish the blinding brightness of the brazen cross? He s.h.i.+vered as if from cold.

Then the voices of the choir swelled out in a song of exhortation--the pa.s.sionate and profound exhortation of the ”Elijah.” In an instant it filled the church, flooding nave and chancel with its anthem of adoration:

”Lift thine eyes. O, lift thine eyes unto the mountains whence cometh help. Thy help cometh from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He hath said thy foot shall not be moved. Thy Keeper will never slumber.”

Over and over again rang the promise of the prophet:

”Thy Keeper will never slumber--thy Keeper will never slumber.”

With the words in his ears he looked at the altar, the white altar-cloth, and the gilded vessels. He saw laid there as a sacrament the bonds of his service. He saw the obligations of a child to the one who had sheltered him, of a boy to the one who had s.h.i.+elded him, of a man to the one who had reached into the gutter and lifted him up. He saw the good he had done, the sick he had healed, the filthy he had made clean. He saw the love of his people--rich and poor--the faiths that would be shattered by the unsealing of his lips, the work of regeneration that would crumble to decay. Looking back, he saw the blessings he had left upon his pathway rotting to curses where they had fallen. Against all this he saw the lie.

”Thy Keeper will never slumber. He, watching over Israel, slumbers not, nor sleeps. He, watching over Israel, slumbers not, nor sleeps.”

But was it really a lie? He did not believe? No, but he begrudged no man his belief. He had extinguished the last embers of intolerance in his heart. The good that he had done in the name of a religion had endeared that religion to the mind that rejected it.

He had taken its armor upon him, and he had borne it victoriously. He had worn unsullied the badge of a creed emblazoned upon his breast, not upon his heart. Was not this justification?

Then, with his eyes upon the altar and the crucifix, beneath the changeless smile of the Christ in purple robes, he knew that it was not.

He knew that he had sinned the one sin unpardonable in his own eyes; that he had taken the one step from which for him there was no returning--that the sin was insincerity, and the step the one that hid the face of truth.

”He, watching over Israel, slumbers not, nor sleeps. Shouldst thou, walking in grief, languish, He will quicken thee--He will quicken thee.”

He rose and left the church.

It was several days after this that, in unfolding the morning paper, his glance was arrested by the announcement, ”The Honorable Mrs. Cecil Gore, who has been dangerously ill of pneumonia, is reported to be convalescent.”

The paper shook in his hands, and he laid it hastily aside.

He went out and followed his customary duties, but the thought of Mariana's illness furrowed his mind with a slow fear. It seemed to him then that the mere fact of her existence was all he demanded from fate.

Not to see her or to touch her, but to know that she filled a corner of s.p.a.ce--that she had her part in the common daily life of the world.

It was Sat.u.r.day, and the sermon for the next day lay upon his desk. He had written it carefully, with a certain interest in the fact that it would lend itself to oratorical effects--an art which still possessed a vague attraction for him. As he folded the ma.n.u.script and placed it in the small black case, the text caught his eye, and he repeated it with an enjoyment of the roll of the words. Then he rose and went out.

In the afternoon, as he was coming out of the church after an interview with the sacristan, he caught sight of Ryder's figure crossing towards him from the opposite corner. He had always entertained a distrust of the man, and yet the anxiety upon his ruddy and well-groomed countenance was so real that he felt an instantaneous throb of sympathy.

Ryder, seeing him, stopped and spoke, ”We have been looking for you,” he said, ”but I suppose you are as much occupied as usual.”

”Yes--how is Mrs. Ryder?”

”Better, I think--I hope so. She is going to Florida for February and March. Beastly weather, isn't it? Nevins got off a good thing the other day, by the by. Somebody asked him what he thought of the New York climate, and he replied that New York didn't have a climate--it had una.s.sorted samples of weather.”

They walked on, talking composedly, with the same anxiety gnawing the hearts of both.

At the corner Ryder hailed the stage and got inside.

<script>