Part 29 (1/2)
”This bucking the line all the time raises the devil with you,” he said.
”How?” demanded Noyes.
The answer Monte could have returned was obvious. The fact that amazed him was that Noyes could have asked the question with the sun and the blue sky shut away from him. It only proved again what Monte had always maintained--that excesses of any kind, whether of rum or ambition or--or love--drove men stark mad. Blind as a bat from overwork, Noyes still asked the question.
”Look here,” said Monte, with a frown. ”Before the big events the coach used to take us one side and make us believe that the one thing in life we wanted was that game. He used to make us as hungry for it as a starved dog for a bone. He used to make us ache for it. So we used to wade in and tear ourselves all to pieces to get it.”
”Well?”
”If we won it was n't so much; if we lost--it left us aching worse than before.”
”Yes.”
”There was the crowd that sat and watched us. They did n't care the way we cared. We went back to the locker building in strings; they went off to a comfortable dinner.”
”And the moral?” demanded Noyes.
”Is not to care too darned much, is n't it?” growled Monte.
”If you want a comfortable dinner,” nodded Noyes.
”Or a comfortable night's sleep. Or if you want to wake up in the morning with the world looking right.”
Again Monte saw the impulsive movement of the man's hand to his eyes.
He said quickly: ”I did n't mean to refer to that.”
”I forget it for a while. Then--suddenly--I remember it.”
”You wanted something too hard,” said Monte gently.
”I wanted something with all there was in me. I still want it.”
”You're not sorry, then?”
”If I were sorry for that, I'd be sorry I was alive.”
”But the cost!”
”Of what value is a thing that doesn't cost?” returned Noyes. ”All the big things cost big. Half the joy in them is pitting yourself against that and paying the price. The ache you speak of--that's credited to the joy in the end. Those men in the grand-stand don't know that. If you fight hard, you can't lose, no matter what the score is against you.”
”You mean it's possible to get some of your fun out of the game itself?”
”What else is there to life--if you pick the things worth fighting for?”
”Then, if you lose--”
”You've lived,” concluded Noyes.