Part 1 (1/2)

GIRLS THAT GROWL.

by Mari Mancusi.

Mr. Joss Whedon

Producer of Buffy, Angel, and various other rocking shows Mutant Enemy Productions Hollywood, CA

Dear Joss:

How's things in the Whedonverse? Pretty dull, I bet, now that Buffy and Angel have bitten it and Firefly's flown. I mean, how wonderful can Wonder Woman be? Yeah, I'd be willing to guess you're just sitting around, twiddling your thumbs, dying to find the perfect project to sink your teeth into, right?

Well, Joss, look no further! Have I got a project for you! This would make an excellent TV show. Or even a movie. Or hey, why not both? (In case they bury the series on Friday nights and we end up having to push some DVDs.) It's got vampires and vampire slayers and best of all, it's absolutely true!

My name is Rayne McDonald and last year I signed up to become a vampire. I got myself on the waiting list, took my Vamp Certification cla.s.s, etc., etc. But then, the night I was supposed to be transformed into a creature of the night, this idiot vampire a.s.signed to be my blood mate made a huge mistake and bit my identical twin sister, Suns.h.i.+ne, instead. (Yes, Suns.h.i.+ne and Rayne. Think of all the joke potential in our names alone, Joss!) Anyway, at the time, Sunny had no idea vampires even existed (sad to say she's not a Buffy fan either) and she was so not happy to find out she was now morphing into one against her will. So she teamed up with the hottie vampire who bit her (Magnus, current master of our local coven) and the two of them managed to find the Holy Grail (!!) and remortalize her just in time for the prom. In the meantime, Sunny and Magnus fell in love and are presently doing the interspecies dating thing. (Think Buffy and Angel, though I'm guessing they can get it on without him going all evil and destroying the world. But since my sister is still a virgin, one never knows for sure . . .) Good stuff, huh? But hold on to your pop culture cliches, Joss, it gets even better. The next week, this crazy antivampire company called Slayer Inc. suddenly informed me that I'm their new vampire slayer! Me! The girl voted most likely to become a blood sucker is now supposed to slay them for a living. (Not that they pay me. Grr.) I tried to refuse, of course, but they insisted it's my destiny and threatened to kill me with some crazy nanovirus if I didn't take the gig. So what choice did I have, right?

So, during my first a.s.signment-to kill an evil vamp who is manufacturing a blood disease that would weaken the vampire population and allow him to take over as master-I hook up with this uber-hot goth vampire Jareth. At first I don't like the guy much, but eventually he grows on me. You know, like Spike does with Buffy. (Except Jareth didn't go and withstand trials and torture to redeem his lost soul like Spike did for the Buffster. Do you think I should have held out for that?) In any case, together, Jareth and I were able to take down the Big Bad, as Buffy would say, and save the vampire world as we know it. Problem is, before we did, Maverick managed to infect me with the virus. To save my life, Jareth bit me and turned me into a vampire. By doing so, he also became infected.

So now the two of us are essentially gimped vampires. We don't have superstrength, or superhearing, or super anything, really (well, besides my superGoth fas.h.i.+on sense, which I must admit is pretty darn super), but we do have some advantages.

Unlike other vampires, we can go out during the day. And that makes us extremely valuable to the vampire community. (And great for a hit show on the CW!) As for Slayer Inc., they figured that having an actual vampire on the payroll could bring down their corporate image, so they put me on disability and started training the next girl. I still technically work for them freelance until the new Slayer is fully trained.

But hopefully there won't be any actual a.s.signments. After all, I'm entering junior year in high school. I've got a hot new boyfriend.

And I'm finally a member of the Blood Coven. Yay me!

So tell me, does this not sound like a series that will rock the socks of every teen in America? Come on, Joss. You know you want to become part of the Raynieverse.

Love, Rayne McDonald Vampire & Vampire Slayer

1

”So, should I or shouldn't I?” I groan and throw myself back on my bed. ”Sunny, it's not something I can tell you either way.

You have to decide for yourself whether or not you're ready.”

”But you've been there. Done that.”

”Yes, and I have the 'I lost my virginity to a s.k.a.n.ky skater kid at camp' T-s.h.i.+rt. What of it?” I don't mean to sound flip, but this isn't the first time we've had this conversation. Now that I think about it, this isn't the tenth time either. And every time she brings it up, I say the same thing. Having s.e.x for the first time is a personal decision no one can make but you.

”I'm not joking,” Sunny protests, rummaging through my closet. As if she'd actually wear any of the striped tights, lacy skirts, or delicate corsets I've stocked it with. We may be identical twins, but she's strictly a jeans, tank, and flips kind of girl, even if her boyfriend is a vampire coven master. Not that Magnus would win Mr. Goth himself. Which, in my opinion, is such a waste. Why be a vampire if you aren't going to take advantage of the basic wardrobe?

”Is Magnus pressuring you?” I ask, trying a new tactic. So help him if he's d.i.c.king my sister around. (Or trying to, as the case may be.) Powerful vampire master or no, I'll totally find a way to kick his scrawny English a.s.s. ”Like, is he saying he'll break up with you if you don't put out?” Needless to say, I've heard that line before. Stupid guys!

”No, no!” Sunny says, sounding shocked at the idea. Of course. In her mind, Maggy Waggy walks on water and saves the world before breakfast. ”He's been great. Patient. Supportive. He's left it totally up to me.”

”So that should make it easy.”

”Yeah, right.”

”Sunny, come here.” I motion to the bed. She leaves the closet and approaches me. ”Sit down. Look me in the eyes and answer this question: Do you or do you not want to have s.e.x with Magnus?”

Sunny flops back on the bed with an agonizing groan. ”Can't we call it 'making love' or something? I mean, 's.e.x' sounds so clinical.”

I dig my fingernails into my palms, wondering how I can run screaming from the room without offending her too much. I so don't want to be having this conversation.

”Sure, whatever, call it what you want, Sun,” I force myself to say brightly. ”Making love, s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g, doing the wild thing, hooking up, getting it on. It really doesn't matter what you want to refer to it as. Just if you feel you're ready. And if you want to.”

”I want to,” Sunny whines. ”But I'm scared.”

Okay, that's it. I've made the decision for her. ”Fine. Then maybe you should wait. I mean, if you're this conflicted ...”

”But I love Magnus!”

How many years in jail do you think I'll get for killing my sister?

”Then do it. Or don't. I don't care. I don't even get why you're asking me anyway. You don't listen to anything I have to say!” I jump off the bed and head to my computer, loading up iTunes, ready to drown out anymore conversation.

Okay, fine, I probably sound like the worst twin sister known to mankind, but you'd be losing patience, too, if you had to have this conversation twenty times in one week. Especially if the other nineteen times you tried to impart wise, sisterly advice and she never listened to a word of it. At the end of the day, she's going to do whatever she decides to do. Has.h.i.+ng it out with me is only time suckage.

Sunny sticks out her lower lip in a pout. ”Fine,” she says. ”Don't help me.”

I turn from the computer, my finger still hovering on the PLAY b.u.t.ton. ”Sunny, if you don't stop this, I'm going to strangle you to death. And then you won't have a decision to make.”

My twin opens her mouth to speak, but luckily at that moment the front door creaks open. Mom must be home. Time for all talk of s.e.x to cease.

We head downstairs to greet her. She's got her arms full of groceries from the local Harvest Co-Op. I take a paper bag from her and bring it into the kitchen. Sunny heads to the car to grab what's left.

”Thanks,” Mom says as we put the groceries in the cabinets and fridge. I grimace as I pull out some kind of purple, crinkly vegetable I don't recognize.

”What is-?”

Mom shrugs. ”I don't know exactly. But it was on sale.”

Typical. Mom's an ex-hippie who used to live in an actual commune in upstate New York before my dad whisked her away and impregnated her with twins. She may be all soccer mom wannabe now, but her kitchen remains in the Age of Aquarius. If you can add tofu to a recipe, you can be sure my mom's done it. Not that it matters much to me anymore. As a vampire, I can't eat. Which is a relief, when it comes to Mom's cooking.

”So girls, I have something I need to talk to you about,” Mom says, sitting down at the table after the groceries are put away. ”It's about David.”