Part 47 (1/2)

There was absolutely nothing that General Zey could say or do to her that would s.h.i.+ft the gauge with her now. Okay, she might get weepy, but that was her postnatal hormonal chaos. She wasn't ashamed.

She had a child, and that changed the way she saw the whole galaxy.

Jusik, also summoned for the refocusing conversation, sat with his arms folded across his chest like a little Skirata, exuding silent defiance. His beard was trimmed short, he'd braided his hair tightly into a tail, and suddenly he didn't look quite so much like a Jedi despite the robes and lightsaber. He looked like a man-age unknown-who'd had enough.

Etain gave him a gentle touch in the Force. It'll be okay. He turned his head slightly and smiled, and it was clear that it would not be.

”I'm delighted that you could both make it,” Zey said. It was going to be the weapons-grade sarcasm today, then. ”Given your very busy schedules.” He gave Etain an especially long look. ”The Gurlanins thanked me for your excel-lent work in evacuating Qiilura, General Tur-Mukan, and ... your help in the reconstruction process.”

You can 't touch me. I have a son. All I fear is for his wel-fare, and his father's. Not mine. ”I did what I could, sir.”

”Intelligence reports that some of the displaced farmers have joined the Separatist resistance already.”

”It was never going to be a popular decision, and yes, I in-curred more non-GAR casualties than I would have liked.” Sew a label on that, Zey. ”Commander Level deserves a more experienced general.”

Zey was still scrutinizing her closely. She felt him reach out in the Force, seeking out what he couldn't detect with his ordinary senses. All he got was her fatigue and sense of accomplishment, but he misread it totally. ”I can see it's taken a toll on you.”

”It has, sir.”

”And you, General Jusik ... I apologize for dragging you back from Dorumaa, but I've been concerned about you.”

”I'm fine, sir.”

”And I have no idea where you were for the last few weeks, but I doubt it was all spent on Dorumaa, no matter how loyal Delta are in covering for you.”

Jusik didn't answer, but it wasn't a guilty silence. Zey looked from Jusik to Etain and back again, as if looking for a break in the wall of conspiracy, and obviously didn't find one. He defaulted to cras.h.i.+ng through the wall in typical Zey style.

”I want you both to listen carefully. We are very thinly stretched, and if I had Jedi to spare, I would have pulled both of you out of active service by now. You're both competent, and I don't doubt your good intentions, but you're coming off the rails, both of you.” He paused. It was the I'll-let-this-sink-in pause, and for some reason it made Etain bristle. ”Now, I understand your comrades.h.i.+p with Skirata. He's an excellent soldier, but you are Jedi, and we're fast approach-ing the point where I can cut you no more slack. Get back on the chart. Start following a few procedures. Skirata is not your role model. He's a Mandalorian.”

”Yes sir,” Etain said.

Zey didn't get a word out of Jusik. ”General? Does that make sense to you?”

”I think we disagree on definitions, sir,” Jusik said care-fully. ”Like Jedi.”

”Which is?”

”I'm being a Jedi, sir. It's something you live in every interaction you have with each living thing, not a philosophy you discuss in abstract terms. And I'm not sure that the kind of Jedi the Council wants us to be is good enough.”

”Well, you wouldn't be the first Jedi Knight or Padawan to be rebellious. It's normal. I did it at your age.”

”Then why aren't you doing it now, sir?”

”And what would I rebel against? The war?”

”It's a good place to start.”

”Jusik, I'm not blind to the concessions we have to make, but I have to answer to the Council and to the Senate, so I don't have the luxury of waging little crusades on the mar-gins.”

”But that's we're supposed to do, sir-make a difference as individuals. I'm sorry, but a Jedi's primary duty isn't to keep a government in power. It's to help, to heal, to bring peace, to defend the vulnerable-and when those are just slogans we throw around, and not how we treat individuals, it's worse than meaningless.” Jusik didn't seem to have bro-ken a sweat, and he left an impression of a sorrowful calm in the Force. Etain could feel a growing strength emanating from him like a lodestone. ”So . . .” He paused and swal-lowed. ”So I'm requesting a transfer, sir. I want to resign my commission and serve as a combat medic.”

Zey's shock was palpable. His expression softened, and whatever dressing-down he was getting ready to unload on Jusik seemed to have evaporated. Etain hadn't been expect-ing this, either. This was a stranger sitting next to her: but the Jusik she had always known was in there somewhere.

”I'm not sure there's a mechanism for that, Jusik,” Zey said at last.

”Okay.” Jusik nodded a few times, looking down into his lap for a moment. ”I've given a lot of thought to the consequences of not leading my men in the field, and whether I'm making their situation worse by doing this, but I can't live with it any longer. We sanction the use of a slave army. It's against every single principle of our belief, and it's a stain on us, and we will pay the price of our hypocrisy one day. This is wrong. Therefore I have to leave the Jedi Order.”

And I've just left my baby in the care of others because I want to stay.

Etain was in turmoil. She felt as strongly as Jusik did, but she couldn't bring herself to leave now. Suddenly she couldn't see the roots of her own motives; all the certainty she'd built so carefully-precious certainty, the thing she'd craved from the earliest days when she felt so unsure of her ability to be a good Jedi-crumbled, and she felt both a coward for not standing up like Jusik did, and yet unable to walk away from her troops. ”You're sure about that,” Zey said. It wasn't a question.

”I am, sir.”

”Then may the Force be with you, Bardan Jusik. And I regret losing you. What will you do now?”

Jusik looked as if a ma.s.sive burden had been lifted from him. He also looked scared for the first time.

”We always think the choices open to a Force-user are light side or dark side, Jedi or Sith, but I believe there are an infinite number of choices beyond those, and I'm going to make one.” He stood up and bowed his head politely. ”May I keep my lightsaber, sir?”

”You built it. You keep it.”

”Thank you, sir.”

The doors opened and then hissed shut behind him. Etain was left in a wasteland. Zey let out a long breath.

”I regret that,” he said. ”I really do. Very well, General. Dismissed.”

Etain walked to the doors and turned around just as they were closing. She caught a glimpse of Zey with his elbows on the desk, head propped on his hands, and knew that it wasn't Jusik's resignation that had deflated him, but that he had asked and answered the question that almost every other Jedi had chosen to ignore.

It was a stain, indeed. And they could all see it.

Besany Wennen's apartment, Coruscant, 548 days after Geonosis ”Aren't you a bit old to look after babies, Sarge?” Niner asked, crunching his way through a plate of crisp moss chips.

Skirata gave him that special Mando hand gesture of friendly disagreement, the one he taught his boys never to use in front of polite company. ”I raised you lot, didn't I?”

”But we were a bit older, and you had a team of care droids, and you were ten years younger.”

Besany topped up the bowl of chips while Darman peered at the baby. With his wispy dark hair, Venku didn't look much like Skirata, but then n.o.body had seen his kids and they would all have been in their thirties or forties now. He wondered what had happened to make them hand over a tiny child like that to a man fighting a war.

But that was Mandalorians for you. They were compulsive adopters, and if someone was in trouble, they all pitched in. Skirata certainly looked besotted. He wrapped the child in a blanket with the deft hands of a man who knew how to handle babies, and cradled the bundle against his chest with a big grin. Etain and Besany were making a show of keeping the food coming, and Etain looked upset. Well, Jusik had walked out of the Jedi Order. It was a shock for everyone.

Skirata swallowed hard as if he was going to start crying. He was so hard that he didn't care who saw his emotions, and Darman admired that. ”His name's Venku.”

”That's nice,” Atin said. ”What would you call a son, Corr?”

”Not Sev, for a start ...” They guffawed. ”I'd go for Jori.”