Part 9 (2/2)

Dave joins Ted and together they are able to force the door closed. Ted looks once again out the window. More Mormons walk up the driveway. There are now five Mormons on the road, going in circles. Suddenly, a Mormon appears out of nowhere and scares Ted half to death. He is holding a book and waving it threateningly.

”Look, out the back,” Dave says.

There are several Mormons peering over the back fence.

”Quick, get the kids inside.” Ted is too late; the kids have seen the Mormons and run into the house screaming.

”I need nails and a hammer. We have to board up the windows and the doors,” Ted remarks hurriedly.

Darkness descends on the Jones' house. The windows are heavily boarded and the two families huddle into one small part of the living room. The drone of Mormons calling out and bas.h.i.+ng on the door is relentless.

”AAGHHHHHH,” Jill Thompson screams.

Everyone jumps back to see what has happened. There stands Jamie Thompson, neatly dressed, his hair combed, his teeth whiter than white-with a bible tucked under his little arm.

All I Want For Christmas.

Jason Brant.

November 19.

Dear Diary, I'm so p.i.s.sed!!!!

My dad is being such a jerk! I'm thirteen years old now and he still treats me like I'm ten. He doesn't care that I'm an adult - he just wants me stay his little girl forever. It makes me so mad!

He won't let me stay out at night, he won't let me watch The Walking Dead, and he won't let me go out with Stevie! I'm thirteen and I've never gone on a date!! I know that Stevie is so totally perfect for me but nooooo! Dad won't even let me invite him over to the house. I mean, Stevie doesn't even know I exist, but he might someday.

Mom doesn't help me either. I can tell that she thinks I'm old enough, but she doesn't want to argue with Dad. Usually I can get Mom to let me do something, even if Dad says no, but she won't listen to me about this at all!

”If Dad says you aren't ready, then we should listen to him,” she says.

Like he knows everything...

November 28.

Dear Diary, OMG!!!! Stevie said hi to me! I can't believe it! He caught me staring at him in Math cla.s.s, again, but this time he said hi! I thought I was going to die right there. I tried to say something back but only a squeak came out. That was soooo embarra.s.sing.

Superb.i.t.c.h Megan Lockard laughed at me. Why is she so mean to me? I haven't done anything to her. I think she likes Stevie and she was just jealous that he said hi to ME. G.o.d, I hate her. She thinks she's so much better than everyone else just because her father is a rich doctor. Who cares? I mean, she isn't even all that pretty.

Ok, that was a lie...she's totally pretty, but still.

December 5 Dear Diary, I sat behind Stevie at lunch today and he smelled so good! I never noticed it before, but he smells really sweet. He definitely wears too much Axe or cologne or whatever, but still, he smells awesome. I just wanted to eat him up right then!

He caught me staring at him again, but he smiled at me instead of being mad. I really think he's noticing me now. Finally! I mean, it's only been three years that I've been in school with him. His face looks so CUTE when he smiles too-I wanted to just grab him right there and take him home with me. Oh, the things I would do to him...

Of course, Superb.i.t.c.h saw us and got all p.i.s.sy. She told her Megawh.o.r.e friend Stephanie Mitch.e.l.l that I was a carpenter's dream. I didn't even know what that meant. They both laughed like it was the funniest thing ever, even though it was totally lame. I had to look it up on Google when I got home. It means I'm flat as a board and easy to nail! a.s.sholes!!!!

I told Dad that I wanted to do something really mean to her but he won't let me. He says that her father is too important and that I would get in a lot of trouble. I hate when he says stuff like that. So it's OK for me to do something to a poor, unpopular person-but not to Superb.i.t.c.h? Isn't that racist or something?

December 14 Dear Diary, I want to run away!

So today was awesome-until I came home from school. Stevie came up to me and asked me what I was doing over Christmas vacation! He even knew my name! I stood there like a total dweeb of course and didn't say much of anything. I think I said something stupid like 'nothing', but I can't really remember. He's so perfect. Whenever he talks to me, I just become a moron!

Then he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him sometime! Uhh yeah! I told him he could come to my house and I would do something with him that I've never done with anyone else before. That got him really excited. He said he would come over after school today, but I said I had to ask my dad first. Stevie got a little sad then, but he'll get over it.

When I asked my Dad if I could have Stevie he said no! WTF?! I'm so sick of being treated like a little girl! And then he told me something stupid like 'all good things come to those who wait'. What a crock! I don't want to wait anymore. I want Stevie!

Mom did nothing, of course. I thought she might help me this time, but noooo. I asked her when her first time was and she got so mad at me. Now I feel guilty, even though they're the ones being jerks. I hate this! I'm running away right now!

December 14 Update #1 I didn't run away. It's too cold outside. I'm still mad.

December 21 Dear Diary, Stevie hasn't been talking to me as much.

After I told him that my stupid dad wouldn't let him come over, Stevie got upset. He didn't say anything mean, but I could tell that he wasn't happy. He said it was OK and that we could maybe sneak around after school someday. Mom and Dad pick me up from school every day, so I would have to lie to them about it. They ALWAYS know when I'm lying! I hate it!

Of course, Superb.i.t.c.h is now all over Stevie. I swear that she didn't like him at all until she found out that I did! And now he spends more time talking to her than he does to me. She's totally playing with his mind and getting him all confused. If she doesn't stop, I'm going to have to do something bad to her. Dad will probably ground me forever, but it will totally be worth it.

Megawh.o.r.e Stephanie is going to get it too!!!!! She tripped me in gym cla.s.s and I hurt my knee! I didn't do anything to her. Just because she's friends with Miss Priss doesn't mean she has to be so nasty to me. They're both going to get it! All of the other girls in cla.s.s laughed.

They always tell me I'm weird, which is totally true, but they don't try to hurt me or steal Stevie. Dad says don't sweat the small stuff. Well, I don't think that Superb.i.t.c.h trying to make out with Stevie is small stuff!

Today is the last day of school before Christmas break. I'm writing this during lunch because Stevie is talking to S.B. and it makes me sick to see them together. She needs to get her a.s.s kicked! I just have to get through this last day...

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