Part 27 (1/2)

”I can't break up with a perfectly nice guy,” I said, wondering if I was going to have to explain my dad's theory about me being a tease, ”just because my old boyfriend wants to get back together with me.”

”You not only can, but must, if you're still in love with that old boyfriend,” Dr. Knutz said. ”It isn't fair to the perfectly nice guy, otherwise.”

”Oh!” I dropped my face into my hands. ”Look, I know, okay? I don't know what to do!”

”You do,” Dr. Knutz said. ”And you'll do it, when the time is right. Speaking of time...ours is up.”

AAAAARGH!!!!.

And what is he talking about, I'll know what to do when the time is right? I have no idea what to do!

Actually, I do: I want to move to j.a.pan and have food in real plates delivered to my door, living under an a.s.sumed name (Daphne Delacroix).

Friday, May 5, 9:30 p.m., the loft Tina just called. She wanted to know how my lunch date with Michael went. She's called a few times before, actually, but I didn't pick up (J.P.'s called a few times, too). I just couldn't face speaking to either of them. The shame, you know? How could I possibly tell her?

And how can I possibly ever speak to J.P. again? I know I'll have to, eventually. But...not now.

Anyway, I didn't tell her now when I spoke to her, either. I just went, ”Oh, lunch was fine,” all breezy and casual. I didn't say a word about old-timey carriages or making out for blocks on end or anything about below-the-neck fondling.

G.o.d! I'm such a s.l.u.t!

”Really?” Tina said. ”That's so great! So...what about MHS?”

”MHC, you mean? Oh, fine, fine. All under control.”

A s.l.u.t and a LIAR!

”Well...” Tina sounded like she couldn't believe it. ”That's great, Mia! So, you and Michael really can just be friends, then.”

”Sure,” I said. Mia Thermopolis's Big Fat Lie Number Twelve. ”No problem.”

”That's great,” Tina said. ”It's just that...”

”What?” I said. Oh, no. What had she heard? Had Lana and Trisha finally gotten their rowing under control and followed us? I'd gotten a text from Lana that just said,)(&$#! Which I took to mean Lana had had too much sake at n.o.bu, a usual event on a Friday.

”Well, I was talking to Boris,” Tina said. ”And did you know, he was telling me that the whole time Michael was in j.a.pan-you're going to laugh when you hear this, I suppose-he had Boris kind of...well, keeping an eye on you. You know, while you guys were in Gifted and Talented together? I can't believe Boris didn't tell me before. But he said Michael said not to say anything to me. They're better friends than I thought, I guess. Anyway, Boris says he thinks Michael's seriously in love with you, and always has been. That he never stopped loving you, even after you guys broke up. I guess he just thought it wasn't fair to ask you to wait for him while he was away, trying to prove himself to your dad, or whatever, you know? G.o.d, it's just...it's so romantic.”

I had to move the phone away from my face, because I'd started to cry. And I was afraid Tina would hear my sniffling.

”Yeah,” I said. ”That is romantic.”

”Not like Boris was spying on you, or anything,” Tina said. ”I mean, I've never told him any of the stuff you and I have talked about. Anyway, Boris told me the reason Michael left your birthday party the other night when J.P. pulled out that ring was exactly why I said...because he couldn't stand seeing you get engaged-to-be-engaged to another guy. Boris didn't say Michael said this, but I don't think Michael likes J.P. very much. On account of him being jealous, because J.P.'s with you now. Isn't that just the sweetest thing you ever heard?”

Tears were totally streaming down my face. But I pretended like they weren't.

”Uh-huh,” I said. ”Sweet!”

”But he didn't say anything about that at lunch?” Tina asked. ”You guys didn't talk about it at all?”

”Nope,” I said. ”I mean, Tina...I'm with J.P. now. I would never do that to him.”

Liar!

”Gee,” Tina said. ”Well, of course not. You're not that kind of girl!”

”Nope,” I said. ”I gotta go. I'm gonna hit the hay early to get my beauty sleep for the prom.”

”Oh, sure,” Tina said. ”Me too! Well, see you tomorrow!”

”See you,” I said, and hung up.

Then I bawled like a baby for, like, ten whole minutes, until Mom came into my room looking all bewildered, and was like, ”What's the matter now?”

And I just went, ”Hold me, Mommy.”

And even though I'm eighteen and a legal adult, I crawled into my mom's lap and stayed there for, like, ten minutes, until Rocky came over and went, ”YOU'RE not the baby! I am!”

And Mom said, ”She gets to be the baby sometimes.”

So then Rocky thought about it, and finally said, ”Okay,” and patted me on the cheek and said, ”Good baby.”

Somehow, this made me feel better.

At least a little bit.

Sat.u.r.day, May 6, midnight, the loft I just got the following e-mail from J.P.

Mia, I've tried to call you a few times, but you aren't picking up. I know you're probably really mad at me, but just, please, listen to what I have to say.... I know you asked me not to, but I spoke to Sean anyway about your book. Please don't be mad. I only did it because I love you, and I want what's best for you.

And when you hear what Sean just called and told me, I think you're going to be pleased that I spoke to him: He's good friends with the president of Sunburst Publis.h.i.+ng (you know, they do all those novels that get reviewed in The New York Times that you never read, the ones that got turned into movies starring all Sean's friends). And they would LOVE to publish your book (providing they can do so under HRH Princess Amelia Renaldo of Genovia). Sean says they'd be willing to offer a quarter of a million dollars for it.

Isn't that fantastic, Mia? Don't you think you should reconsider that other offer you got? I mean, it's a tiny percentage of that.

Anyway, I just thought I'd try to help. Sweet dreams, and...I can't wait until tomorrow night.

I love you,

J.P.

So.

The thing is, I probably should take Sunburst Publis.h.i.+ng's offer. That quarter of a million dollars...that's a ton more money that I could donate to Greenpeace. But...Sunburst Publis.h.i.+ng has never even read my book. They have no idea if it's any good. They're just offering to publish it because of who I am.

And that's just not how I want to get a publis.h.i.+ng contract. That's like...writing a play about your girlfriend, the princess. In a way.

I know baby seals and the rain forests are going to suffer because of my selfishness, but...