Part 18 (1/2)

Oh, right: Because I'm a ridiculous, girly girl.

Tuesday, May 2, World History final It probably wasn't such a good idea to have my eighteenth birthday soiree the actual night of my birthday, seeing as how finals start today. I've seen more than a few people wandering around, looking all bleary-eyed, like they could have used a couple more hours of sleep. Including me.

Thank G.o.d the schedules are all topsy-turvy for finals week and I just have World History and English Lit today, my easiest cla.s.ses. If I had Trig or French finals today, I'd die.

Literally. My mom's speech about how women have come a long way from the time when they used to have to get married right out of high school because females weren't allowed in universities, nor were there any jobs open to them either, went on for a really long time. And every time I started to doze during it, she poked me awake again.

I said, ”Mom, duh! J.P. and I aren't getting married after graduation! I'm ambitious, all right? I totally got into every college I applied to already and I wrote a novel and I'm trying to get it published! What more do you want from me?”

But somehow none of this seemed to comfort her. She kept saying, ”But you haven't chosen a school. You have less than a week to decide which one you're going to,” and ”It's a romance novel,” like somehow either of these made a difference.

And whatever: The heroine of my romance novel is a total dead shot with a bow and arrow.

I don't even wear J.P.'s ring around the house so I'm not sure what the problem is. It's not like she even has to see it. What about it is so offensive to her?

Tuesday, May 2, Lunch Everyone is forever asking to see my ring. I mean, it's flattering, and all, but...kind of embarra.s.sing. Then I have to explain it's not an engagement ring. Because, of course, it looks exactly like one. And they all think J.P. proposed.

And it's so big it keeps getting snagged on things. Like loose threads of my uniform skirt and once in one of Shameeka's braids. It took, like, five minutes to get it unsnagged.

I'm not used to being so glamorous at school.

You can tell J.P. is really pleased though.

So. There's that. If he's happy, I'm happy.

Tuesday, May 2, English Lit final !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Okay, once again, I have made a complete and total fool out of myself.

But really, what else is new?

Not that it matters, because I've moved on. I'm eighteen, and an adult, and in four days I will be out of this h.e.l.lhole FOREVER (just don't ask me where I'll be going instead, because I still have no idea).

Anyway, it's all Tina's fault, because Tina is barely speaking to me. I know I told her not to talk to me about Michael, but that's not the same as saying Don't talk to me at all.

You'd think she'd have a lot to talk to me about, seeing as how we're both engaged-to-be-engaged, and all.

But maybe she's so scared of saying the wrong thing to me now, for fear of hurting my feelings, she's decided to say nothing to me at all.

I don't know what her problem is. I can't win in the best-friend division, apparently. I can't ever seem to make them happy.

I really should just settle for having Lana as my best friend. She's much easier-going than anyone else I know. She's very excited today because she's got a love bite and she claims it's from Prince William (she so wishes). She's going around, showing it off to everyone. I'm surprised she hasn't drawn a big red circle around it, in lipstick, with an arrow, and a sign that says, PRINCE WILLIAM'S (ALLEGED) HICKEY.

Anyway, after lunch I saw Tina in the girls' bathroom and I was like, ”What exactly is your problem?”

And she was all, ”Problem? What problem? There's no problem, Mia,” with her big Bambi eyes.

But I could tell that even though her eyes were all wide and innocent, she was lying. I mean, I don't know how I could tell, exactly.

Okay, maybe she wasn't lying. Maybe I was just projecting (which is a term we learned in Psych for when you attribute your own unwanted thoughts to someone else as a defense mechanism). Maybe I was still wound up from what had happened the night before, with Michael leaving the party, and all.

But in any case, I went, ”There is too a problem. You think I'm doing the wrong thing, saying yes to J.P. when I still have feelings for Michael.” (Yeah, I know. Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I was like, What are you saying? Shut up, Mia. But I couldn't shut myself up. I just kept talking. It was like a nightmare.) ”Well,” I went on, ”I'll have you know that I don't. Have feelings for Michael anymore. I've moved on from Michael. Well and truly moved on. Last night when he walked out the way he did was the last straw. And I've decided that after the prom, J.P. and I are going to Do It. Yes. We are.” Honestly, I have no idea where this was coming from. I think I just thought of it at that very moment. ”I'm tired of being the last virgin girl in our senior cla.s.s. No way am I going to start college with my innocence still intact. Even though I probably lost it a long time ago on a bike or whatever.”

Tina was still doing the big-eyed, I don't know what you're talking about act.

”Okay, Mia,” she said. ”Whatever you say. You know I support you whatever you decide.”

ARGH! She is so frustratingly NICE sometimes!

”In fact,” I said, whipping out my iPhone. ”I'm going to text J.P. right now. Yes! Right now! And tell him to get a hotel room for after the prom!”

Tina's eyes were HUGE now. She went, ”Mia. Are you really sure you want to do this? You know, there's really nothing wrong with being a virgin. Lots of people our age-”

”Too late!” I yelled.

I swear I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was because a few minutes before, J.P.'s ring had gotten snagged on Stacey Cheeseman's eyelet ponytail holder as she walked down the hall. Maybe it was all the PRESSURE that was on me...finals, Dad's election, everyone telling me I had to choose a college by the end of the week, the thing with Michael, Lilly being so nice to me all of a sudden...I don't know. Maybe it was just everything.

Anyway, I texted, MAKE SURE WE R GETTING A HOTEL RM 4 AFTR PROM to J.P.

It was right after that that a toilet flushed. And a stall door opened.

And Lilly walked out.

I nearly had a synaptic breakdown right there in the girls' bathroom. I just stood there staring at her, realizing she'd overheard everything I'd said-about finally being over Michael, and about being a virgin....

...and that I was texting J.P. to get a hotel room for after the prom.

Lilly looked right back at me. She didn't utter a word. (Neither, needless to say, did I. I couldn't think of a word to say. Later, of course, I thought of a million things I should have said. Like that Tina and I had just been rehearsing a scene from a play or something.) Then Lilly turned around, walked over to the sinks, rinsed her hands, dried, tossed her paper towel, and left the room.

All in complete and utter silence.

I looked at Tina, who stared back at me with her huge, troubled eyes...eyes, I realized now, that had never been anything but filled with concern for me.

”Don't worry, Mia” were the first words from Tina's lips. ”She won't tell Michael. She wouldn't. I know she wouldn't.”

I nodded. Tina knew no such thing. She was just being nice. The way Tina always is.

”You're right,” I said. Even though she wasn't. ”And even if she does...he doesn't care anymore. I mean, obviously he doesn't care anymore, or he wouldn't have walked out last night like he did.”

This, at least, was true.