Part 9 (1/2)
”Dr. Waterhouse a.s.sures us that p.i.s.s-boiling on a very large scale is needed to make phosphorus phosphorus for these Infernal Devices,” Mr. Orney reminded them. for these Infernal Devices,” Mr. Orney reminded them.
”His account left little to the imagination,” Mr. Threader said.
”To do it in London would be difficult-”
”Why? London could not smell any more like p.i.s.s than it does to begin with,” Mr. Kikin observed shrewdly.
”It would draw attention, not because it smelt bad, but because it was a queer practice. So the p.i.s.s-boiling probably happens in the countryside. But this would require transportation of p.i.s.s, in large amounts, from a place where there was a lot to be had-viz. a city, e.g., London-to said countryside; a thing not to be accomplished in perfect secrecy.”
”You should make inquiries among the Vault men!”
”An excellent idea, Mr. Kikin, and one I had a long time ago,” Mr. Orney said. ”But my habitation is remote from the banks of the lower Fleet where the Vault men cl.u.s.ter, thick as flies, every night to discharge their loads. As Monsieur Arlanc dwells at Crane Court, five minutes' walk from the said Ditch, I charged him with it. Monsieur Arlanc?”
”I have been very, very busy...” began Henry Arlanc, and was then drowned out by indignant vocalizations from the rest of the Clubb. The Huguenot made a brave show of Gallic dignity until this Parliamentary baying had died down. ”But the Justice of the Peace for Southwark has succeeded where I failed. Voila! Voila!”
Arlanc whipped out a pamphlet, and tossed it onto a slate coffin-lid; it skidded to a stop in the pool of light cast by a candle. The cover was printed in great rude lurid type, big enough for Daniel to read without fis.h.i.+ng out his spectacles: ”THE PROCEEDINGS of the As-sizes of the Peace, As-sizes of the Peace, Oyer and Terminer and General Gaol-Delivery for the Oyer and Terminer and General Gaol-Delivery for the COUNTY OF SURREY. COUNTY OF SURREY.”
Below that the letters got small; but Mr. Kikin bent over and read the subt.i.tle aloud: ”Being a FULL and TRUE accompt of ye most surprizing, execrable and Horrid CRIMES committed by the Enemies, and just, swift and severe PUNISHMENTS meted out by the Defenders, of the Peace of that County from Friday January 1, to Sat.u.r.day February 27, Anno Domini Anno Domini 1713/14....” 1713/14....”
Mr. Kikin shared an amused look over the candle with Henry Arlanc. It was possible to buy these pamphlets everywhere, which implied that some people-a lot lot of people, actually-were buying them. But no man who was literate enough to read them would admit to it. This sort of literature was supposed to be ignored. For Mr. Arlanc to notice it was uncouth, and for Mr. Kikin to derive amus.e.m.e.nt from it was rude. of people, actually-were buying them. But no man who was literate enough to read them would admit to it. This sort of literature was supposed to be ignored. For Mr. Arlanc to notice it was uncouth, and for Mr. Kikin to derive amus.e.m.e.nt from it was rude. Foreigners and their ways! Foreigners and their ways!
”Forgive me, Monsieur Arlanc, but I have not had the...er...pleasure of reading that doc.u.ment, doc.u.ment,” said Mr. Threader. ”What does it say?”
”It relates the case of a Mr. Marsh, who was driving his wagon down Lambeth Road one night in December, when he met three young gentlemen who had just emerged from a house of ill repute in St. George's Fields. As they pa.s.sed each other in the lane, these three young men became so incensed by the odour emanating from Mr. Marsh's wagon that they drew out their swords and plunged them into the body of Mr. Marsh's horse, which died instantly, collapsing in its traces. Mr. Marsh set up a hue and cry, which drew the attention of the occupants of a nearby tavern, who rushed out and seized the perpetrators.”
”Courageous, that, for a Mobb of Drunks.”
”The roads down there are infested infested with highwaymen,” Mr. Threader said keenly. ”They probably reckoned 'twas safer to go out and face them as a company, be it ne'er so ragged, than be picked off one by one as they straggled home.” with highwaymen,” Mr. Threader said keenly. ”They probably reckoned 'twas safer to go out and face them as a company, be it ne'er so ragged, than be picked off one by one as they straggled home.”
”Imagine their surprise when they found they'd apprehended not highwaymen, but gentlemen!” Mr. Kikin remarked, very amused.
”They had apprehended both, both,” said Henry Arlanc.
”What!?”
”Many highwaymen are are gentlemen,” said Mr. Threader learnedly. ”As 'tis beneath the dignity of a Person of Quality to work for a living, why, when he's gambled and wh.o.r.ed away all his money, he must resort to a life of armed robbery. To do otherwise were dishonorable.” gentlemen,” said Mr. Threader learnedly. ”As 'tis beneath the dignity of a Person of Quality to work for a living, why, when he's gambled and wh.o.r.ed away all his money, he must resort to a life of armed robbery. To do otherwise were dishonorable.”
”How come you to know so much of it? I daresay you are a regular subscriber of these pamphlets, sir!” said the delighted Mr. Orney.
”I am on the road several months out of the year, sir, and know more of highwaymen than do you of the very latest advances in Caulking. Caulking.”
”What came of it, Monsieur Arlanc?” Daniel inquired.
”On the persons of these three, valuables were found that had been stolen, earlier in the evening, from a coach bound for Dover. The occupants of that coach prosecuted them. As all three were of course literate, they got benefit of clergy. Mr. Marsh does not appear again in the Narration, save as a witness.”
”So all that we know of Mr. Marsh is that in the middle of the night he was transporting something down Lambeth Road so foul-smelling that three highwaymen risked the gallows to revenge themselves on his horse!” said Mr. Orney.
”I know a bit more than that, sir,” Arlanc said. ”I've made inquiries along the banks of the Fleet, after dark. Mr. Marsh was indeed a London Vault-man. 'Tis considered most strange, by his brethren, that he crossed the River with a full load in the middle of the night.”
”You say he was was a Vault-man,” Daniel remarked. ”What is he now? Dead?” a Vault-man,” Daniel remarked. ”What is he now? Dead?”
”Out of business, owing to the loss of his horse. Moved back to Plymouth to live with his sister.”
”Perhaps we should send one of our number to Plymouth to interview him,” suggested Daniel, half in jest.
”Inconceivable! The state of the Clubb's finances is desperate desperate!” Mr. Threader proclaimed.
Silence then, save for the sound of tongues being bitten. A face or two turned towards Daniel. He He had known Mr. Threader longer than the others; so a decent respect for precedence dictated that he be given the first chance to bite Mr. Threader's head off. had known Mr. Threader longer than the others; so a decent respect for precedence dictated that he be given the first chance to bite Mr. Threader's head off.
”We have just doubled the size of our accompt, sir. How can you make such a claim?”
”Not quite doubled, sir, your Piece of Eight came up a ha'p'ny light of a pound.”
”And my guinea is several pence heavy, as all the world knows,” said Mr. Orney, ”so you may supply Brother Daniel's deficit from my surplus, and keep the change while you are at it.”
”Your generosity sets an example to us unredeemed Anglican sinners,” said Mr. Threader with a weak smile. ”But it does not materially change the Clubb's finances. Yes, we have twice the a.s.sets today as we had yesterday; but we must consider liabilities liabilities as well.” as well.”
”I did not know we had any,” said the perpetually amused Mr. Kikin, ”unless you have been taking our dues to Change Alley, and investing them in some eldritch Derivatives.”
”I look to the future, Mr. Kikin. One gets gets what one what one pays for pays for! That is the infallible rule in fish-markets, wh.o.r.ehouses, and Parliament. And it applies with as much force in the world of the thief-taker.”
Mr. Threader reveled in the silence that followed. Finally Mr. Orney, who could not stand to see anyone-especially Mr. Threader-enjoy anything, said, ”If you mean to hire a thief-taker, sir, with our money, you would do well to propose propose it first, that we may it first, that we may dispute dispute it.” it.”
”Even before disputing disputing thief-takers, if someone would be so kind as to thief-takers, if someone would be so kind as to define the term define the term for me?” said Mr. Kikin. for me?” said Mr. Kikin.
”Apprehending criminals is oft strenuous, and sometimes mortally dangerous,” said Mr. Threader. ”So, instead of doing it oneself, one hires a thief-taker to go and do it for one.”
”To go out and...hunt down, and physically abduct, someone?”
”Yes,” said Mr. Threader mildly. ”How else do you suppose justice can ever be served?”
”Police...constables...militia...or something something!” sputtered Mr. Kikin. ”But...in an orderly country...you can't simply have people running around arresting each other!”
”Thank you, sirrah, for your advice upon how to run an orderly country!” Mr. Threader brayed. ”Ah, yes, if only England could be more like Muscovy!”
”Gentlemen, gentlemen...” Daniel began. But Mr. Kikin's fascination prevailed, and he let the argument drop, asking, ”How does it work?”
”Generally one posts a reward, and leaves the rest to the natural workings of the market,” said Mr. Threader.
”How large a reward?”
”You have penetrated to the heart of the matter, sir,” said Mr. Threader. ”Since the days of William and Mary, the reward for a common robber or burglar has been ten pounds.”
”By convention, or...”
”By royal proclamation, sir!”