Part 45 (1/2)

An old gentleman named Scott was engaged in the ”affair of the '15” (the Rebellion of 1715) and with some difficulty was saved from the gallows by the intercession by the d.u.c.h.ess of Buccleuch and Monmouth. Her grace, who maintained considerable authority over her clan, sent for the object of her intercession and, warning him of the risk which he had run and the trouble she had taken on his account, wound up her lecture by intimating that, in case of such disloyalty again, he was not to expect her interest in his favor.

”An' it please your grace,” said the stout old Tory, ”I fear I am too old to see another opportunity.”

=A Night in a Coal-cellar=

One night, sitting later than usual, sunk in the profundities of a great folio tome, the Rev. Dr. Wightman of Kirkmahol imagined he heard a sound in the kitchen inconsistent with the quietude and security of a manse, and so taking his candle he proceeded to investigate the cause. His foot being heard in the lobby, the housekeeper began with all earnestness to cover the fire, as if preparing for bed.

”Ye're late up to-night, Mary.”

”I'm jist rakin' the fire, sir, and gaun to bed.”

”That's right, Mary; I like timeous hours.”

On his way back to the study he pa.s.sed the coal-closet, and, turning the key, took it with him. Next morning, at an early hour, there was a rap at his bedroom door, and a request for the key to put a fire on.

”Ye're too soon up, Mary; go back to your bed yet.”

Half an hour later there was another knock, and a similar request in order to prepare the breakfast.

”I don't want breakfast so soon, Mary; go back to your bed.”

Another half an hour and another knock with an entreaty for the key, as it was was.h.i.+ng day. This was enough. He rose and handed out the key saying, ”go and let the man out.”

Mary's sweetheart had been imprisoned all night in the coal-closet, as the minister shrewdly suspected, and, Pyramis-and-Thisbe-like, they had breathed their love to each other through the key-hole. [25]

=Not Quite an a.s.s=

James Boswell, the biographer of Dr. Johnson, was distinguished in his private life by his humor and power of repartee. He has been described as a man in whose face it was impossible at any time to look without being inclined to laugh. The following is one of his good things: As he was pleading one day at the Scotch bar before his father, Lord Auchinleck, who was at that time what is called Ordinary on the Bills (judge of cases in the first stage), the testy old senator, offended at something his son said, peevishly exclaimed: ”Jamie, ye're an a.s.s, man.”

”Not exactly, my lord,” answered the junior; ”only a colt, the foal of an a.s.s.”

=A Cute Gaoler=

Before the adoption of the police act in Airdrie, a worthy named Geordie G---- had the surveillance of the town. A drunken, noisy Irishman was lodged in a cell, who caused an ”awful row” by kicking at the cell-door with his heavy boots. Geordie went to the cell, and opening the door a little, said:

”Man, ye micht put aff yer buits, and I'll gie them a bit rub, so that ye'll be respectable like afore the bailie in the mornin'.”

The prisoner complied with his request, and saw his mistake only when the door was closed upon him, Geordie crying out:

”Ye can kick as lang as ye like, noo.”

=Not Qualified to Baptize=

The only amus.e.m.e.nt in which Ralph Erskine, the father of the Scottish Secession, indulged, was playing the violin. He was so great a proficient on this instrument, and so often beguiled his leisure hours with it, that the people of Dumfermline believed he composed his sermons to its tones, as a poet writes a song to a particular air. They also tell the following anecdote connected with the subject:

A poor man in one of the neighboring parishes, having a child to baptize, resolved not to employ his own clergyman, with whom he was at issue on certain points of doctrine, but to have the office performed by some minister of whose tenets fame gave a better report.

With the child in his arms, therefore, and attended by the full complement of old and young women who usually minister on such occasions, he proceeded to the manse of ----, some miles off (not that of Mr. Erskine), where he inquired if the clergyman was at home.