Part 40 (2/2)

=Escaping Punishment=

An active-looking boy, aged about twelve years, was brought up before Provost Baker, at the Rutherglen Burgh Court, charged with breaking into gardens and stealing fruit therefrom. The charge having been substantiated, the magistrate, addressing the juvenile offender, said in his gravest manner: ”If you had a garden, and pilfering boys were to break into and steal your property, in what way would you like to have them punished?”

”Aweel, sir,” replied the prisoner, ”I think I would let them awa' for first time.”

It is needless to add that the worthy provost was mollified, and that the little fellow was dismissed with an admonition.

=Pa.s.sing Remarks=

”There she goes,” sneered an Englishman, as a Highlander marched past in his tartans at a fair.

”There she lies,” retorted Duncan, as he knocked the scorner down at a blow.

=Scottish Vision and c.o.c.kney Chaff=

Two sharp youths from London, while enjoying themselves among the heather in Argyls.h.i.+re, met with a decent-looking shepherd upon the top of a hill. They accosted him by remarking: ”You have a fine view here, friend; you will be able to see a great way.”

”Ou, ay, ou, ay, a ferry great way.”

”Ah! you will see America from here?”

”Farther than that,” said Donald.

”Ah! how's that?”

”Ou, juist wait till the mists gang awa', an' you'll see the mune!”

=”The,” and ”The Other”=

When the chief of the Scottish clan, Macnab, emigrated to Canada with a hundred clansmen, he, on arriving at Toronto, called on his namesake, the late Sir Allen, and left his card as ”_The_ Macnab.” Sir Allen returned his visit, leaving as his card, ”The _other_ Macnab.”

=”Old Clo'”=

Christopher North had a great hatred of the ”old clo'” men who infest the streets. Coming from his cla.s.s one day, a shabby Irishman asked him in the usual confidential manner, ”Any old clo', sir?”

”No;” replied the professor, imitating the whisper; ”no, my dear fellow,--have you?”

=Church Popularity=

”How is it, John,” said a minister to his man, ”that you never go a message for me anywhere in the parish but you contrive to take too much spirits? People don't offer _me_ spirits when I'm making visits in the parish.”

”Weel, sir,” said John, ”I canna precisely explain it, unless on the supposition that I'm a wee bit mair popular wi' some o' the folks maybe than you are.”

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