Part 38 (2/2)

there's no' muckle room for doot as to the fack.

Noo, having shewn sic a lang list o' mischances as to the nativity o'

Scotch folk o' eminence, I think ye'll alloo that we puir bodies in the north hae some occasion for complaint. As we are a' in Providence's hand, we canna, of coorse, prevent some o' our best countrymen frae coming into the world in wrang places--sic as Sir Isaac Newton in Lincolns.h.i.+re, whilk I think an uncommon pity; but what's to hinder sic persons frae being reputed and held as Scotchmen notwithstanding? I'm sure I ken o' nae objection, except it may be that our friends i' the south, feeling what a sma' proportion o' Great Britons are Englishmen, may entertain some jealousy on the subjeck. If that be the case, the sooner that the a.s.sociation for Redress o' Scottish Grievances takes up the question the better. [21]

=A Leader's Description of His Followers=

Old John Cameron was leader of a small quadrille band in Edinburgh, the performances of which were certainly not the very finest.

Being disappointed on one occasion of an engagement at a particular ball, he described his more fortunate but equally able brethren in the following terms: ”There's a Geordie Menstrie, he plays rough, like a man sharpening knives wi' yellow sand. Then there's Jamie Corri, his playin's like the chappin' o' mince-collops--sic short bows he tak's.

And then there's Donald Munro, his ba.s.s is like wind i' the lum, or a toom cart gaun down Blackfriars' Wynd!”

=It Takes Two To Fight=

A physician at Queensferry was once threatened with a challenge. His method of receiving it was at once cool and incontrovertible.

”Ye may challenge me if ye like,” said he; ”but whether or no, there'll be nae fecht, _unless I gang out_.”

=”What's the Lawin', La.s.s?”=

The following dialogue occurred in a little country inn, not so long ago as the internal evidence might lead one to suppose. The interlocutors are an English tourist and a smart young woman, who acted as waitress, chambermaid, boots, and everybody else, being the man and the maid of the inn at the same time:

_Tourist_: Come here, if you please.

_Jenny_: I was just coming ben to you, sir.

_Tourist_: Well, now, mistress.

_Jenny_: I'm no' the mistress; I'm only the la.s.s, an' I'm no' married.

_Tourist_: Very well, then, miss.

_Jenny_: I'm no' a miss; I'm only a man's dochter.

_Tourist_: A man's daughter?

_Jenny_: Hoot, ay, sir; didna ye see a farm as ye came up yestreen, just three parks aff?

_Tourist_: It is very possible; I do not remember.

_Jenny_: Weel, onyway, it's my faither's.

_Tourist_: Indeed!

_Jenny_: Ay, it's a fact.

_Tourist_: Well, that fact being settled, let us proceed to business.

Will you let me see your bill?

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