Part 37 (2/2)

=Drawing an Inference=

A certain functionary of a country parish is usually called the _minister's man_, and to one of these who had gone through a long course of such parish official life, a gentleman one day remarked--”John, ye hae been sae lang about the minister's hand that I dare say ye could preach a sermon yersell now.”

To which John modestly replied, ”O na, sir, I couldna preach a sermon, but maybe I could draw an inference.”

”Well, John,” said the gentleman, humoring the quiet vanity of the beadle, ”what inference could ye draw frae this text, 'A wild a.s.s snuffeth up the wind at her pleasure!” (Jer. ii: 24).

”Weel, sir, I wad draw this inference:--she wad snuff a lang time afore she would fatten upon't.” [7]

=Going to Ramoth Gilead=

A sailor, who had served the king so long at sea that he almost forgot the usages of civilized society on sh.o.r.e, went one day into the church at his native town of Kirkcaldy, in Fife, where it happened that the minister chose for his text the well-known pa.s.sage, ”Who will go up with us to Ramoth Gilead?”

This emphatic appeal being read the second time, and in a still more impressive tone of voice, the thoughtless tar crammed a quid of tobacco into his cheek, rose up, put on his hat; then, looking around him, and seeing n.o.body moving, he exclaimed, ”You cowardly lubbers! will none of you go with the old gentleman? I go for one.”

So out he went, giving three cheers at the door, to the amazement of all present.

=Why Saul Threw a Javelin at David=

A High-Churchman and a Scotch Presbyterian had been at the same church.

The former asked the latter if he did not like the ”introits.”

”I don't know what an introit is,” was the reply.

”But did you not enjoy the anthem?” said the churchman.

”No, I did not enjoy it at all.”

”I am very sorry,” said the churchman, ”because it was used in the early church; in fact, it was originally sung by David.”

”Ah!” said the Scotchman, ”then that explains the Scripture. I can understand why, if David sung it at that time, Saul threw his javelin at him.”

=A s.e.xton's Criticism=

The following criticism by a Scotch s.e.xton is not bad:

A clergyman in the country had a stranger preaching for him one day, and meeting his s.e.xton, asked, ”Well, Saunders, how did you like the sermon to-day?”

”It was rather ower plain and simple for me. I like thae sermons best that jumbles the joodgment and confoonds the sense. Od, sir, I never saw ane that could come up to yoursel' at that.”

=Strange Reason for Not Increasing a Minister's Stipend=

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