Part 34 (1/2)

=Touching Each Other's Limitations=

There once lived in Cupar a merchant whose store contained supplies of every character and description, so that he was commonly known by the sobriquet of ”Robbie A' Thing.” One day a minister who was well known for making a free use of his notes in the pulpit, called at the store asking for a rope and pin to tether a young calf in the glebe.

Robbie at once informed him that he could not furnish such articles to him.

But the minister being somewhat importunate, said: ”Oh! I thought you were named 'Robbie A' Thing,' from the fact that you keep all kinds of goods.”

”Weel, a weel,” said Robbie, ”I keep a' thing in my shop but calf's tether-pins, and paper sermons for ministers to read.”

=”Having the Advantage”=

The Rev. Mr. Johnstone, of Monquhitter, a very grandiloquent pulpit orator in his day, accosting a traveling piper, well known in the district, with the question, ”Well, John, how does the wind pay?”

received from John, with a low bow, the answer, ”Your reverence has the advantage of me.” [7]

=Giving Them the Length of His Tongue=

A lawyer in an Edinburgh court occupied the whole day with a speech which was anything but interesting to his auditors.

Some one, who had left the court-room and returned again after the interval of some hours, finding the same harangue going on, said to Lord c.o.c.kburn, ”Is not H---- taking up a great deal of time?”

”Time?” said c.o.c.kburn; ”he has long ago exhausted time, and encroached upon eternity.”

=Sectarian Resemblances=

A friend of mine used to tell a story of an honest builder's views of church differences, which was very amusing and quaintly professional. An English gentleman who had arrived in a Scottish county town, was walking about to examine various objects which presented themselves, and observed two rather handsome places of wors.h.i.+p in the course of erection nearly opposite each other. He addressed a person, who happened to be the contractor for the chapels, and asked, ”What was the difference between these two places of wors.h.i.+p which was springing up so close to each other?” meaning, of course, the difference of the theological tenets of the two congregations.

The contractor, who thought only of architectural differences, innocently replied, ”There may be a difference of sax feet in length, but there's no' aboon a few inches in breadth.”

Would that all religious differences could be brought within so narrow a compa.s.s. [7]

=A Process of Exhaustion=

A Scotch minister was asked if he was not very much exhausted after preaching three hours. ”Oh, no,” he replied; ”but it would have done you good to see how worried the people were.”

=A Thoughtless Wish=

A landed proprietor in the small county of Rutland became very intimate with the Duke of Argyle, to whom, in the plenitude of his friends.h.i.+p, he said: ”How I wish your estate were in my county!” Upon which the duke replied, ”I'm thinking, if it were, there would be _no room for yours_.”

=Sunday Thoughts on Recreation=

The Rev. Adam Wadderstone, minister in Bathgate, was an excellent man and as excellent a curler, who died in 1780. Late one Sat.u.r.day night one of his elders received a challenge from the people of Shotts to the curlers of Bathgate to meet them early on Monday morning; and after tossing about half the night at a loss how to convey the pleasing news to the minister, he determined to tell him before he entered the pulpit.

When Mr. Wadderstone entered the session-house, the elder said to him in a loud tone, ”Sir, I've something to tell ye; there's to be a parish play with the Shotts folk the morn, at----”