Part 32 (2/2)

Hume's house in Edinburgh stood at the corner of a new street which had not yet received any name. A witty young lady, a daughter of Baron Ord, chalked on the wall of the house the words, ”St. David's Street.” Hume's maid-servant read them, and apprehensive that some joke was intended against her master, went in great alarm to report the matter to him.

”Never mind, my la.s.s,” said the philosopher; ”many a better man has been made a saint of before.”

=Two Ways of Mending Ways=

The Rev. Mr. M----, of Bathgate, came up to a street pavior one day, and addressed him: ”Eh, John, what's this you're at?”

”Oh! I'm mending the ways of Bathgate!”

”Ah, John, I've long been tryin' to mend the ways o' Bathgate, an'

they're no' weel yet.”

”Weel, Mr. M----, if you had tried my plan, and come doon to your _knees_, ye wad maybe hae come maar speed!”

=The Prophet's Chamber=

A Scotch preacher, being sent to officiate one Sunday at a country parish, was accommodated at night in the manse in a very diminutive closet, instead of the usual best bedroom appropriated to strangers.

”Is this the bedroom?” he said, starting back in amazement.

”'Deed, ay, sir; this is the prophet's chamber.”

”It must be for the _minor_ prophets, then,” said the discomfited parson.

=Objecting to Long Sermons=

A minister in the north was taking to task one of his hearers who was a frequent defaulter, and was reproaching him as an habitual absentee from public wors.h.i.+p. The accused vindicated himself on the plea of a dislike to long sermons.

”'Deed, man,” said his reverend minister, a little nettled at the insinuation thrown out against himself, ”if ye dinna mend, ye may land yerself where ye'll no' be troubled wi' mony sermons, either lang or short.”

”Weel, aiblins sae,” retorted John, ”but it mayna be for want o'

ministers.”

=A Serious Dog and for a Serious Reason=

A Highland gamekeeper, when asked why a certain terrier, of singular pluck, was so much more solemn than the other dogs, said: ”Oh, sir, life's full o' sairiousness to him--he first can never get enuff o'

fechtin'.”

=A Clever ”Turn”=

Lord Elibank, the Scotch peer, was told that Dr. Johnson, in his dictionary, had defined oats to be food for horses in England and for men in Scotland. ”Ay,” said his lords.h.i.+p, ”and where else can you find such horses and such men?”

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