Part 13 (1/2)
”Even the new locks?” he thundered.
”She'd never hand them out to anyone but me or my staff. I trust her. We look out for each other on Jane Street.”
Good Lord. He looked down at his bare chest and bare feet. Would the Janes look after him? If word got out, he'd be a laughingstock. It had only been because of his Christie-ness he was able to survive the scandalous denouement of his marriage. He had behaved with impeccable decorum, as if he'd not spent a year fighting like cats and dogs with his wife. No one save Will ever brought up the fact that he'd tucked Caroline away somewhere. Very few knew that the somewhere was Jane Street. How Neddie had figured it out was a mystery. If only his son had kept away, he'd not be standing there half naked.
”Very well.” He tripped across a flower bed. Edward was tall, but the wall was taller. ”I think if we can drag the bench over, I can boost myself up.”
Caroline was not much help. Her end of the iron bench kept slanting down until she complained she'd bruised her toes and had to sit down for a while. The dark gray sky had brightened sufficiently for him to watch as she rubbed her plump white feet. She was barefoot, too. She seemed unaware that her right breast was completely unrestrained by the torn negligee.
”Maybe we should just wait until dawn. It won't be that much longer.”
”Coward.”
Edward bit back his retort. She was right. He was one. He couldn't cut Caroline out of his life, yet couldn't live with her. What was the expression? You can't have your cake and eat it, too. With a mere legal separation, he'd never be free of her, never be able to find a peaceful, normal woman to marry and help guide Allie to womanhood.
”Stand up. I'll get it the rest of the way by myself.” With a grunt, he pushed the bench through some flowers, crus.h.i.+ng the petals and causing their aroma to waft up in the night air. But nothing smelled as perfect as Caroline.
”You're ruining my garden.”
”You're ruining my life!” Edward snapped.
”Good, because you've ruined mine, you odious, impossible, horrible”-she paused-”man!”
”Is that the best you can do? Why not blackguard or scoundrel? Rogue or miscreant?”
”It doesn't matter what you men call yourselves-you are fiends, every one of you.”
Edward hopped up on the bench, running his fingers on the jagged iron spikes. He pictured one puncturing his lung, the life draining out of him as Caroline stood below, tapping a bruised foot impatiently. ”I'm not going to do this, Caro. We're just going to have to wait for Mrs. Hazlett to light the stove in a few hours. She can let us in the kitchen door.”
”I'll climb over then.”
”You certainly will not. Even if I could toss you over, you'd probably land and break your neck. This place is like a fortress. It's a wonder there are not alligators in a moat.”
”I told you I was safe! But, no-you had to exert your Christie control and make my life a living h.e.l.l.” She sunk down among the ruined flowers. ”I rue the day my cousins ever took me to town. I would have been better off acting as an unpaid nursemaid for their brats than marrying you.”
”My understanding was that your cousin James had other plans for you.”
She looked up at him, her face stark. ”Being his wh.o.r.e would have been preferable to being yours.”
Edward felt something unravel within. ”Take that back.”
”Why should I? I'm nothing to you. Oh, you've strutted about all week acting Sir Galahad. It suits you to see yourself as a hero. But you're cold, Edward. So cold you make my blood freeze. I don't know how I could ever have thought I lov-” Her words stopped.
And his heart stopped, too, then started up with dizzying speed. He needed to get down off the bench before he fell but couldn't seem to move his feet. ”What did you say?”
She pulled up her bodice. ”Nothing of any consequence.”
He stood rooted to the iron bench, its fancy curlicues cutting into his soles. Something swooped through the air-a bat, most likely. The silence in the garden made its own kind of noise, but he knew he'd have to interrupt soon-if he could find any words to say.
He clambered down from the bench and sat beside her. ”If I'm so cold, why do you love me, Caroline?” he asked quietly.
”I don't know!” she cried. ”It's terribly inconvenient. I shall stop at once.”
He wanted to tell her he loved her too, but the words wouldn't come. They had never tumbled out with ease. He hadn't said them in years to anyone. But even unspoken, they were true, and she was right. It was terribly inconvenient, but he didn't think he could stop loving her. Ever.
So this was love. It was nothing like the ballads and sonnets and psalms, or the comforting closeness he'd shared with Alice. It was sharp, as sharp as the iron spikes on the wall, as ruining as the crushed flowers beneath his a.r.s.e. Caroline made his blood boil and his mind turn to mush. It was more than inconvenient-it was inconceivable that Edward Allerton Christie could love Caroline Louise Parker.
But he supposed he did. How else could he explain the past weeks of insanity? It was more than the craving of her warm body atop and beneath him, more than his appreciation of her still-dazzling beauty. More than his desire for dominance.
”Holy G.o.d,” he whispered.
”It's too late to pray, Edward. It's too late, period. You are right. We are completely incompatible. I want you to divorce me.” She wrapped her arms around her knees and sniffed.
”I cannot, Caro. I decided that weeks ago. I don't even believe I can go through with a legal separation.”
”Edward, what are you saying?”
”I don't know. I can't think. I never can when you're near.”
”Well, someone has to! You can't keep reeling me in like a fish, then tossing me back. It's unconscionable.”
”I'm sorry, Caro. I'm a cur.”
She nodded. ”Yes, you are. A dirty dog. With bloodthirsty fleas and other a.s.sorted vermin.” She seemed satisfied with the a.n.a.logy. He put his arm around her and she didn't resist, putting her head on his bare shoulder. The warmth of her russet hair p.r.i.c.ked his skin and stirred his c.o.c.k.
”What are we to do?” For once in his life, his Christie confidence had completely deserted him.
”I'm sure I don't know. Wait for Mrs. Hazlett to wake up.”
”Not about now. About our future.”
”We haven't got one, Edward. You of all people should know that.”
”I thought I did, but I'm not so sure. What if we try again?” He must be mad to suggest such a thing, but the words had tumbled out without a moment of Christie forethought.
Caroline made a choking sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. ”I'm too old to change, Edward. And I don't want to. I'm not cut out to be a Christie, all proper and dull.”
He put a hand to his heart. It was there, beating erratically, breaking just a little. ”A direct hit.”
”You know I'm right. You'd be ready to throttle me within twenty-four hours. Think of the children. Allie. It wouldn't do to upset her routine with me waltzing back into her life only to have it all fall apart again.”
Edward brushed a tear from her cheek. ”No. I suppose not.”
”So it's settled then.”
”If you say so.” His throat constricted. Well, she had wanted him to feel, and now he did. It was appalling for a man his age to want to cry.