Part 31 (1/2)

His things had started collecting dust, and there was something incredibly sad about that. It was like the nail on the coffin of the life we had. My future was still up for grabs, but his fate was sealed. In most ways, I had come to terms with that, but with Jack currently freezing me out, the isolation of my life felt even more intense.

After the apartment looked cleaner than it ever had before, even with Milo cleaning it, I had nothing else to do. I had occupied myself for the better part of the day, but the sun had just begun to set, and that's when the terrible loneliness started. I had gotten used to spending my days alone, but the nights didn't seem to get any easier. As of late, I had been able to fill them with sleep, but with that infernal fatigue finally gone, I had nothing to busy myself with on a Sat.u.r.day night. I was rather pathetic when I thought about it.

I took a shower, then tried to find a way to relax. I put on some comfy pajamas and put the New p.o.r.nographers alb.u.m in my stereo. Curling up in bed and reading a good book would be the perfect way to pa.s.s the evening, and it would help keep me from noticing how very slowly time pa.s.sed. I flopped back in bed and reached over onto my nightstand for Peter's book, but my hand came up empty. The book wasn't there.

Confused, I got out of bed and started rooting around for it. It wasn't on the floor around the nightstand, and since I had cleaned, there weren't even dirty clothes on my bedroom floor for it to hide under. I laid on my belly and squeezed under my bed, which was still pretty full of dust bunnies and random garbage as well as a dirty sock or two, but no book.

160.

My search was interrupted by Milo's familiar ringtone playing Bright Eyes. Instantly, the book was forgotten. I scrambled on my knees to the nightstand and grabbed my phone. A text from Milo wasn't as exciting as one from Jack, but maybe they were ending the embargo. Or at least Milo might want to see me, and that had to be far better than spending the next twenty-four hours in bed.

Jane keeps calling me. She's drunk. Milo text messaged.

I'm sorry? I replied, unsure of what exactly he hoped I would do about it.

I can't talk to her. I just make it worse. Milo responded, but that still didn't explain what he expected me to do.

Then don't talk to her. It seemed pretty obvious to me.

Can you talk to her? She's making weird threats.

Like what? My heart raced and fell at the same time. He wasn't texting me to talk to me. I was supposed to clean up his mess, but strangely, that made me feel special.

Stuff about ”exposing” us. I don't know. Can you try reasoning with her? Milo suggested.

I'll see what I can do.

I sighed and ran my finger through my hair, trying to get the dust bunnies from under my bed from unsticking to my damp hair. I climbed up off the floor and sat on my bed. Text messaging would be out of the question. Jane was probably drunk and at a party or something, so her typing and reading skills would be sorely lacking. They always kind of were, but when mixed with alcohol, they were illegible. My best bet would be to call her and try to distract her long enough for her to pa.s.s out or hook up with somebody. So it would probably take about five minutes.

”What the h.e.l.l do you want?” Jane slurred loudly into the phone. I could hear music playing in the background and there were laughter and voices mixing with it.

”Nothing. I just wanted to talk.” I had started shouting too, but I wasn't sure if I really needed too.

It was loud on her end, not mine.

”Are you with those d.a.m.n blood suckers? They sent you, didn't they?” Her voice got an edge to it, an admittedly fuzzy one thanks to the alcohol, but it was clear that she was suspicious of my intentions. Also, she was talking very loudly in what sounded like a room full of people.

”They didn't 'send' me anywhere. I'm at home, just sitting in my room. I called to see what you were up to,” I explained calmly. It was a Sat.u.r.day night and I wasn't doing anything. It would be perfectly reasonable for me to try and find a party. That's what other high school kids did, right?

”Yeah, right.” Jane made some kind of hallow laugh that sounded more like a cackle, and there was a banging sound where I'm pretty sure she dropped the phone for a second. ”Are you with Milo? You tell your brother that he can't just leave me hanging like this. I'm an attractive girl, you know! I can't wait around forever him!”

”I don't really know what you're talking about, but I'll be sure to pa.s.s along the message,” I sighed.

”Why doesn't he want me, Alice?” Jane pleaded, and it sounded like she had started to cry. In the background, I heard a guy yell something about wanting her, but she turned her head away from the phone and shouted, ”Shut up, you stupid a.s.s!” When she spoke into the phone again, she sobbed, ”I just don't understand what I have to do make him want me!”

161.

”Jane, he's gay. That's a pretty big obstacle,” I told her as gently as I could.

”So what are you saying? Like s.e.x change?” She sniffled and thought about it for a second.

”That's expensive, but I think I could do that. Then he'd want me?”

”I think you should just forget about Milo,” I advised her carefully. ”It sounds like you're at a party with a lot of other guys, and you can pretty much get any guy you want. There's no reason for to worry about Milo.”

”You think I don't know that?” Jane snapped. ”You don't think I don't know how hot I am? I do. But I can't stop thinking about Milo! I can't! You don't know what this is like!”

”I think I do,” I muttered to myself. My apartment was cleaner than it had ever been before because I was trying to keep myself busy so I wouldn't think about Jack. It hadn't worked as well as I would've liked, but it was better than nothing.

”I don't know what to do!” Jane wailed, pulling me from my thoughts on Jack. ”I don't think I can live without him! Really, Alice. I'm trying... and I just can't do it!” She was crying hard, and I had never heard her this upset about anything before, not even when she was drunk.

”Jane, where are you at?” Obviously, just giving her a quick pep talk on the phone wasn't working. This was much deeper than that.

”Why do you care?” Jane retorted.

”Jane, just tell me where you are.” I got up off the bed and rummaged through my closet, looking for something that I could just throw on so I looked presentable to the rest of the world.

”I'm at Dan Kelly's house,” Jane answered almost reluctantly. She sighed rather dramatically. ”I'll be around if you can make it here.” Then she clicked off the phone.

Dan Kelly had dated Jane when we were fourteen, and he only lived a few blocks away from me, so I knew exactly where he lived. Hurriedly, I changed into a pair of jeans and purple top. I ran a brush through my hair, trying to detangle the dust from it, but I decided to forgo the make up.

There wasn't really anybody I wanted to impress. I was just going to get Jane, talk some sense into her, and then... and then I don't know.

That was as far I had thought through.

I tucked my phone into my pocked and darted out of the apartment. There had been an early morning rain that had turned into a dense fog as the night rolled in. On top of it was a distinct chill that made me wish I had a grabbed a sweater or a jacket before leaving, but I figured that if I walked quickly, I could stay warm anyway. The street lights cast eerily across the fog, making it shadows visible in the air.

I heard the party before I saw it, but that wasn't really unusual even when there wasn't fog. Much to my surprise, Jane was standing out in front of the house, smoking a cigarette with her cell phone pressed up to her ear. She was babbling something about being the hottest thing sliced bread, so I a.s.sumed she was talking to Milo.

”Jane,” I said, walking across the lawn towards her. She shook her head and waved me away, but I kept going. ”Jane, what are you doing?”

”Answer the d.a.m.n phone!” Jane shrieked into her phone. ”I know that you're there!”

”Jane, it's voicemail. He can't hear you,” I explained calmly.

162.

”They sent you.” Jane flicked her phone shut, then looked at me evenly through her bloodshot eyes.

Mascara and eyeliner made streaks down her cheeks, and her bright red lip gloss had smeared across her face. I had never seen her look quite so terrible before. ”Just like I said.”

”n.o.body sent me. You sounded horrible on the phone. I'm just worried about you.” I reached out to touch her, but she s.h.i.+ed away from me and shook her head.

”I don't need your d.a.m.n pity.” Her cigarette had burned down to the filter, so she tossed it on the gra.s.s and pulled another one of her bra. When she wore get-ups like the one she wore now, she tended to store her cigarettes and cell phone in her bra. The rest of her skimpy skirt and tight top didn't allow for any storage room.

”I'm not giving you any.” I crossed my arms on my chest, trying to look defiant in some way.

”So did you come here to gloat then?” She exhaled smoke in my face and tried to glare at me.

”I have nothing to gloat about.” I coughed and waved the smoke out of my face. ”I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”