Part 29 (1/2)
”But you're not?” She finally looked up at me again, her eyes wide and scared.
”No, I'm not.” I could've elaborated and added that I might be someday, but I didn't. Not only would it just freak her out unduly, more and more it was seeming like I would end up dead before I turned.
”Why don't I have bite marks?” Jane pointed to her neck, which was completely bare, the same as mine was, even though we'd both been bitten just over twenty-four hours ago. ”I knew that he bit me, but I didn't have any sign of it.”
”Something in their saliva. It makes the wounds heal right away,” I shrugged. ”It's probably the same thing that makes it so they heal so quickly and live forever and all that, but on a much smaller scale.”
”That's why you brother looked so foxy. And why I can't get him out of my head.” Jane chewed the inside of her cheek and stared off into s.p.a.ce. ”And why I couldn't get Jack out of my head either. They're vampires.”
”I'm sorry,” I said softly, unsure of what else to say. ”I never thought you would... When Milo invited you out, I thought we would just dance and you'd go home. I never tried to mix you guys. I just...”
”What do they want with you?” Jane looked up at me again, and this time, she was suspicious.
”Are you like Jack's blood mule or something?”
”No, no, it's nothing like that,” I shook my head. ”He's... We're... There's extenuating circ.u.mstances that I'm not gonna get into right now, but we're almost dating. I guess.”
”What does that even mean?” Her hand was shaking less when she flicked her ashes, and that was rea.s.suring. ”Are you sleeping together? Does he bite you?”
”No.” I let it hang in the air, unwilling to tell her the truth about him biting me. ”We just care about 149 each other.”
”So why did Milo turn into a vampire and not you?” She was studying me now, trying to figure it if I was lying or leaving anything out, and I s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably.
”There was an accident,” I explained. ”He was dying, and the only way to save him was to turn him. So they did.”
”I'm not gonna turn, am I?” Jane's hand went reflexively to her neck, touching where Milo bit her.
”No, it doesn't work that. You'll be perfectly fine,” I a.s.sured her, then added, ”Oh. You should take iron and B12 for awhile to help your blood replenish or whatever.”
”So... they're really vampires?” Jane eyed me up skeptically.
”You saw them.” There was no better explanation than what she had already witnessed.
”I did,” Jane agreed thoughtfully. ”But that girl, she had fangs, like hardcore. I didn't notice any on Milo or Jack.”
”Yeah, I don't think those are real.” I'd been thinking the same thing, but I kept forgetting to mention it somebody in hopes they could explain it to me. ”I mean, they have really sharp incisors, but they don't look like that. I think hers must be veneers or something. She has to be a real vampire, but I think it's all part of her 'image.' You saw her black lipstick and Halloween make up.”
Jane nodded and tossed her cigarette b.u.t.t on the floor. She stomped it out and pulled another cigarette out from her pack. Staring at the floor again, she was mulling everything over.
Obviously, she'd been thinking of it before I said anything. In the car, after Violet and Lucian attacked us, she'd even used the word ”vampires” herself. But it was still a hard thing to come to terms with, even when all the pieces fit.
”So what now?” Jane asked at length.
”What do you mean?” I looked at her curiously.
”I don't know!” She sounded exasperated, and she laughed hollowly. ”They are vampires! Doesn't it feel like we should do something? That we can't just back to living our life like normal?”
”That's something that I struggle with everyday,” I admitted. ”But there isn't much else for us to do.”
”I was bit by a d.a.m.n vampire! And now I'm supposed to go to Chemistry, and flirt with boys, and just pretend like none if ever happened?” There were tears welling in her eyes and she bit her lip.
”I just sorta feel like my whole life was a lie. I mean, what else is there that I don't know about?”
”Jane, we hardly know about anything,” I pointed out. ”There's tons out there. But it doesn't effect us. Or we don't realize it does. This one thing happened to touch home, just for a minute, but it doesn't change anything else.”
”It changes everything!” Jane insisted dramatically, and I couldn't help but agree with her.
This is exactly why they had suggested I not tell people about vampires. It was too hard for a person to take. It completely distorts the perception of reality. When things that are so clearly fiction became fact, it changes everything. How could I expect to her pretend none of this happened? From my own experience, I knew it was an impossibility.
150.
”I don't know what to tell you,” I told her simply. I knew exactly how she felt, but I didn't have the answers for her.
”So you're no help?” Jane smiled wryly, then flicked her cigarette into the sink next to mine. ”I should've excepted that from you.” She went over to her backpack and pulled out her ample makeup bag and went over to the mirror next to me.
”What is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
”You just take your lot in life, no matter what it is.” Jane rummaged through her bag and pulled out something to blot the makeup that had smeared around her eyes when she started to tear up.
”You don't know how to fight for anything you want.”
”I don't think that's true,” I replied, but her words stung more than they should.
”Really?” Jane's reflection smiled at me sardonically as she reapplied eyeliner. ”If you really believe that, then how come you're sitting here, still human, going to high school? Cause you've got to be dying to be a vampire. I know I would be, even if my brother and my boyfriend weren't vampires.” When she finished her eyes, she caught my expression in the mirror and laughed darkly. ”That's what I thought.”
”It's so much more complicated than that.” But my words sounded unconvincing, even to me.
”I'm sure it is.” She put on another coat of lip gloss and turned to me. ”I'm gonna go to cla.s.s. And we can just pretend we never even had this little talk, since that's how you want to play this.”
”I'm not playing anything!”
”Good job,” Jane winked at me.
She sauntered out of the bathroom, swinging her book bag over her back as she left. Her runway walk was already back in full strut, and I just gaped after her. It was as if there was a switch inside her where she could momentarily express real emotions, and then just flick them off when it became inconvenient. She'd been frightened and almost crying, and boom! She fixed her make up, belittled me, and walked off into the sunset.
I leaned back, resting my head against the mirror, and tried to find fault with what she said. I fought for what I wanted. Repeatedly, I had tried to convince Ezra that it was a good idea that I turned now instead of later. Sure, I never really told Jack how I felt, but I still hadn't gotten everything with him straightened out. All I was doing was the making the best of a messed up situation. That wasn't the same as just letting life happen to me.
Walking the block and a half from school to my apartment left me so exhausted, I had to sit down on the front steps and take a break. Not to mention the entire day of walking around the school, and I ended up sleeping a lot in cla.s.s. During lunch, I'd gone to the nurses' offices and laid down on a cot to get some sleep.
Eventually, I was able to get up and ride the elevator upstairs, but I collapsed on the couch as soon as I got in and pa.s.sed out.
Milo text messaged me to make sure I was okay, but I only vaguely remember answering it, and then I was out again. I barely managed to wake up for school the next day, but I took twice the vitamins Mae told me to take. When they bus dropped me off at school, I ran across the street to the gas station and bought like five Red Bulls. I was gonna fight this tired thing if it killed me.
151.
Surprisingly, by the end of the day, I was actually feeling pretty good. Jane had avoided me the entire day, but I decided that it was better that way. She needed to extradite herself from this life before she got hurt.
As expressed by the slow way in which I meandered about the halls, and this was me feeling better. I made it through the second day of my senior year, though, so I thought that counted for something.
It wasn't until I got home and sat on the couch, sipping on my sixth Red Bull of the day, as I had made a pit stop at the gas station again before going home. Milo had texted me twice yesterday, once asking how I was feeling and the second expressing his relief that I was doing okay. He had not invited me over. Jack had not called or text messaged me. In fact, since he'd bitten me, Jack hadn't really spoken to me at all. There was that conversation when I was half-asleep, but he just kept repeating that I needed to wake up and go downstairs, and that was it. It wasn't the same as really talking about things. We had shared something immensely intimate, and he was just blowing me off. It was kind of startling how typical a guy he was sometimes.