Part 33 (1/2)
I nodded.
Brock kept talking. ”I got a scholars.h.i.+p to U of A to play baseball. She followed me down there. But she was close with her family and mine and her friends up here. She didn't last.
She hated Arizona not because of Arizona, because she missed home. Her soph.o.m.ore year, she transferred to UC. We thought it'd be cool, we survived the long distance thing my freshman year in Arizona, we figured we'd make it a couple more years. We didn't. By Christmas, I'd met someone else and realized I was not the kind of man who was not going to taste the variety of flavors life had on offer. Because of that, I also realized what I had with Bree was more about history and friends.h.i.+p than what it takes to make the long haul. I came home, talked to her about it, she was not in that place and wasn't happy about it but she had no choice. I was done.”
Oh man. Harsh.
Honest, but harsh.
I pulled in breath but kept quiet and Brock continued.
”I went back after Christmas and so did she. She got it about a month later.” He grinned.
”I got good taste and she was seriously f.u.c.kin' pretty. Available for the first time since she hit the dating game, she had 'em eatin' out of her hands. She enjoyed the f.u.c.k outta that. She connected with me in the summer when we were both home and told me she got it. I was pleased as f.u.c.k, she was a good friend and I missed her. Our relations.h.i.+p changed and it got better 'cause, like I said, she was a great friend and she was d.a.m.n fun to be around. We had good times. We still had each other's families. It worked.”
I nodded again.
Brock kept on with his story and I knew we were hitting the hard part when his eyes got dark.
”She had an older cousin and when I say that, he was a second cousin nearly old enough to be her father. Like my family, hers was close. I knew them all and I did not like this f.u.c.kin'
guy's vibe, never did. Bree was immune to it. To her, family was family even if they were weird, nuts or off. That was the kinda heart she had, she let everyone in and didn't ask questions.”
Oh man.
”By this time, I was out of school, went to the Academy and was an officer with the DPD workin' toward detective. She had graduated, workin' full-time but still goin' to school at night to get her Master's degree. One night, he shows outta the blue, she lets him in.”
”Brock,” I whispered when that darkness in his eyes intensified and his fingers dug into my flesh and didn't loosen. ”Maybe you should stop.”
”Can you handle it?” he asked.
”If you need me to,” I answered.
”That ain't a good answer, sweetness.”
”Then, yes, I can handle it.”
He examined my face. Then his fingers loosened.
Then he carried on, ”He f.u.c.ked her up, Tess. We're talkin' bad and that s.h.i.+t's bad anytime but hers was worse, violated her and laid her out. Beat the f.u.c.kin' s.h.i.+t outta her before he raped her and he didn't do it once, he spent all night with her and did it repeatedly. She was so f.u.c.ked up, she reported it took her half an hour to crawl to the phone after he was gone.
She was in a hospital bed two weeks. This guy f.u.c.ked her up and this guy was f.u.c.kin'
whacked. When I got him and we finally got his DNA, it showed Bree was his fifth or at least she was the fifth who reported it.”
”Oh my G.o.d,” I whispered and he nodded.
”Compulsion,” Brock told me. ”Uncontrollable. That was why he f.u.c.ked up and went after family. In interrogation, they broke him. He'd had his eye on her for f.u.c.kin' years, beat it back, that night, whatever broke in him broke and he couldn't beat it back anymore.”
”So,” I said hesitantly, ”you got him?”
He nodded. ”Wasn't my case 'cause I didn't have cases. I was still in uniform. Levi and me went to go see her, took some time 'cause her f.u.c.kin' jaw was wired shut, but she finally got out the basics of what went down and I took leave because he'd gone to ground and they couldn't find him. He knew he f.u.c.ked up. He was in hiding, preparin' to bolt. I hunted him down and we'll just say when I found him, I did not exactly follow procedure.”
d.a.m.n.
”You hurt him,” I whispered.
”Remember what I said to you about what I wanted to do with h.e.l.ler?”
I nodded.
”I did that to him and I did it in a way I know he still hasn't forgotten me. And the DPD frowned on that. I was suspended and it was investigated. I didn't f.u.c.kin' care. It was worth it to me then and it's worth more to me now even though, then and now, I knew I f.u.c.ked up.”
”They didn't fire you,” I noted.
”No, don't know why, they should have. What I did weakened their case. What I did made it so his case mighta been thrown out and it was iron tight with his DNA matching multiple samples and women making solid IDs. What I did f.u.c.ked those cases too. But they didn't can my a.s.s and the case didn't get tossed because it didn't go to trial. Family pressure, he confessed to all five. His confession swung good my way and since the case didn't get f.u.c.ked, with me, they said extenuating circ.u.mstances. I had a good record, I was a good cop and my captain had taken to me, saw in me that I'd have a good career so he took my back and so did some brothers on The Force. And everyone knew who she was to me and they knew what he did to her and, right or wrong, all of them, someplace inside them, knew the same thing happened to someone they gave a s.h.i.+t about, they'd either do what I did or consider it. They still gave me s.h.i.+t work, put me at a desk and this is why I know desk work is not for me. I worked my way outta that s.h.i.+t and back on the beat. Then to detective.
Through this, Bree went off the rails and then she went down. Heroin. OD. Everyone, including me, tried to pull her outta that s.h.i.+t. We couldn't. Watchin' her descend into that world was like a form of torture, not only watchin' her but watchin' her Mom and Dad and sisters watch her while bustin' their a.s.ses and failin' to get her straight. Don't know how many times I was called in 'cause she was in a holding cell, strung out, dazed, not even knowin' where the f.u.c.k she was and that she was pulled in for solicitation on a sweep. Too f.u.c.ked up even to be smart enough to avoid getting arrested no matter how many times it happened. Suckin' c.o.c.k for twenty dollars so her pimp would keep her supplied. The last time I saw her breathing, I barely recognized her.”
Oh G.o.d, G.o.d.
”Honey,” I said gently.
”It was f.u.c.ked, Tess.”
”Yes, it was, baby,” I whispered. ”So you decided to do something about it and moved to the DEA?” I ventured cautiously.
He closed his eyes and drew breath in his nose.
I waited.
Then he opened his eyes.
”She was my first,” he said quietly, his voice thick and I pressed closer. ”I still loved her, Tess. Not the same as when we started but she was a big part of my life. Does somethin' to a man to have that kind of person in his life, to be able to laugh with her about s.h.i.+t that went down when you were fifteen and have her end like that. She was the first to go down on me, to take my c.o.c.k and to think she sold the beauty she had to give for dope burned out my insides. She was the first woman to tell me she loved me. She shared her dreams with me, Tess. What she wanted to do, where she wanted to go, how many kids she wanted to have. At one time in our lives, we talked about those things in a way we thought we'd be sharin' them.
So, yeah, I was driven to do something about it. But Levi was wrong; he didn't see her in a holding cell. He didn't see all she turned out to be. I knew she was gone before she was gone and I let her go way before that and I did that for my own peace of mind because I already nearly lost my career and f.u.c.ked over four other girls who needed justice gettin' too tied to what happened to her and not makin' smart decisions. I didn't do what I did on a crusade to bring her back. I did what I did because Bree isn't the only girl out there with family who loves them and old boyfriends who give a s.h.i.+t facin' that life and someone had to help them and I decided that someone would be me.”
At that, it swelled inside me, so huge and so fast, I couldn't stop myself from blurting, ”I love you.”
”I know,” he replied.
”No,” I shook my head and got close, ”I love you, Brock Lucas.”
His eyes lost that darkness and his hand in my hair slid down and curled around my neck.