Part 18 (1/2)

”The cla.s.sics, sir, are a fine study--hard, but interesting to those who have the taste--so refining--give such a polish to the mind, sir. I once had a great taste for the cla.s.sics--studied them fully; and even now, sir, I know as much about them as many who profess to teach them. Would you believe me, sir, that I have the entire list of the cla.s.sics in my library?”

The Professor smiled at the man's preposterous egotism.

”The sciences,” continued Mr. Slack, ”are grand studies for the mind.

Geology, astronomy, astrology, phrenology, psychology, and so on, and so on--you know the whole list of them, Professor. Why, sir, I do not know the first science that I did not study at college; and even now, sir, after the lapse of years spent in the stir of a political life, there are few with whom I would be willing to stand second in my knowledge of them.”

In this style of impertinent egotism he continued to waste the precious moments and to torment the company, until the Professor could bear it no longer, and suggested to his friend Mr. Dredge that he had some business of importance upon which he would like to see him, if he could spare a short time alone. Mr. Slack took the hint, and made his departure, much gratified at the impression he thought he had made of himself upon the mind of his new acquaintance, Professor Sweet.

”What a prodigious egotist your friend is, Mr. Dredge,” observed the Professor, as soon as he had gone out of hearing. ”He exceeds anything I ever heard. It is perfectly nauseous to hear him. He appears more like a fool to me than a wise man. I have not felt so repulsed and disgusted in the presence of a man for a long time. From the first moment of my entrance into your house until the last second of his departure he has talked about nothing except himself in the most bombastic way. I would rather dwell in mountain solitude than be compelled to live in his society.”

”I am accustomed to him,” replied Mr. Dredge, ”and do not think so much of it as you, being a stranger; but he is without doubt an exceedingly vain man and brimful of egotism. I am sorry you were obliged to hear so much of him.”

”I am very pleased he is gone, and hope never to meet him in company again, excepting as a reformed character. He may be a good neighbour; he may be wealthy; he may be a little wise and educated; but none of these things justify the excessive vanity and self-setting-off which are so prominent in his conversation.”

The views of the Professor were such as others entertained who knew Mr.

Slack. Few cared for his company; and those who did, _endured_ more than _enjoyed_ it. Himself occupied so much s.p.a.ce in conversation, that other persons and things were crowded out. He thought so much of himself, that it was unnecessary for other people to think anything of him. He filled up so much room in society, that others could scarcely move their tongues. In fact, the ego within him was so enormous that those around him were Liliputians in his estimation. The _U_ of other people was absorbed in his great _I_. He was known generally by the name of ”_Great I_;” and when one repeated anything that Mr. Slack of K---- had said, the answer was, ”_O, Mr. Great I said it, did he?_” and so it pa.s.sed away as vapour. Some called him a ”fool.” Others said, ”Pity he knew no better.” The universal sentiment was that he spoke a hundred per cent.

too much of himself, when of all men he should be last to say anything.

Mr. Snodgra.s.s is a man who, without any injustice to him, may be referred to as an egotist.

I once waited upon him to consult him in his professional capacity respecting a matter in which I had a deep interest. But ere I could possibly reach the question, he occupied the greater part of the time I was in his company in making known to me the multiplicity of his labours in the past; his engagements for the time to come; what invitations he was obliged to decline; how for years he had kept up his popularity in one particular town; how he was busy studying the mathematics; how he had succeeded in a critical case, in which the most eminent men in the city had failed; how he had been written to concerning questions of the most vital importance. In fine, his great _I_ stood out so full and prominent that my little _i_ was scarcely allowed to make its appearance, and when it did it was despatched with an off-handedness which amounted to, ”Who are you to presume to stand in the way of Me, so much your superior?” Of course my little _i_ had to be silent until his great _I_ was pleased to give permission for him to speak.

I have been with him in company when he has spoken in such tones of egotism as have made me feel pity for him. He had acquirements which no one else could lay claim to. He had attained professional honours which put every one of his cla.s.s in the shade. He could give information which no one present had heard before from any of their ministers or teachers.

He criticised every one, but no one could criticise _him_. He put every one right in politics, divinity, medicine, exegesis of Scripture. What had he not read? Where had he not been? Was not he a philosopher? an historian? a theologian? a physician? In fact, was not he _the_ wise man from the East? and when he died, would not wisdom die with him?

Mr. Fidler is a young man given to egotism in his own peculiar way. He is fond of putting himself forward in company by telling tales and repeating jests as original and of his own creation, when they had an existence before he was born, and are perhaps as well or better known by some to whom he repeats them than they are to himself. It would not be so objectionable did he not exhibit himself in such airs of self-conceit, and speak in a manner which indicated that he was in his own estimation the chief personage of the company. On one occasion he was apparently gulling his hearers with a tale as new to them, with all the egotism he could command, when, as soon as he had done, one present, disgusted with his vanity, quietly observed, ”That is an old thing which I remember hearing in my childhood.” But, nothing daunted by this, he still went on with his egotistic talk and manner, until another gentleman well read in books recommended him when he reached home to procure a certain book of jests and read it, and he would find every one of his pleasantries which he had told on that occasion there inserted.

This advice being taken, he found that all his jokes and puns which he thought were new, or wished to pa.s.s as new, had been published and gone through several editions before he or his friends were ever heard of.

When a man's conversation is princ.i.p.ally about himself, he displays either ignorance of men and things, or is inflated with vanity and self-laudation. He must imagine himself and his doings to be of such consequence that if not known it will be an irreparable loss to the world. He shows himself in the social circle in an air which indicates that he would, were he able, either compel others to retire, or eclipse them with his own moons.h.i.+ne glare.

Such a talker must necessarily be a person at great discount in all well-informed and respectable society. They resent his disgusting trespa.s.ses upon their general rights; and they are just in so doing.

What authority has he for his intrusions? He has none, either in himself or in his a.s.sociations. His inventions, of which he speaks, will not sustain the test of examination. His great and numerous acquaintances of which he boasts are not all of the genuine stamp. The cards which lie on his table, thick as autumnal leaves, and to which he points for your particular observation, are not of the kind he would lead you to believe.

”I was to dine with the Admiral to-night,” said a naval lieutenant once; ”but I have so many invitations elsewhere that I can't go.”

”I am going, and I'll apologise,” said a brother officer.

”O, don't trouble yourself.”

”But I must,” said the officer, ”for the Admiral's invitation, like that of the Queen, is a command.”

”Never mind; pray don't mention my name,” rejoined the lieutenant.

”For your own sake I certainly will,” was the reply.

At length the hero of a hundred cards stammered out, ”Don't say a word about it; I had a hint to stay away.”