Part 17 (1/2)
Not being able to see his face, she could not read the tone of his voice. ”No, ” she said. ”You're superior in many ways.”
He turned to face her quickly, looking at her intently. ”Oh, don't be concerned about me, Grace. I'm not having an ident.i.ty crisis. I read over your notes, the notes you made during my construction. I'm not supposed tofeel , am I?”
”No,” she said simply.
Grace was accustomed to handling confidences from other people. But, my G.o.d, what do you say to a robot who is in love with a lively, pretty adolescent human girl?
She had feared that something like this would happen, and she'd dreaded it. She'd hoped that Tina Sells's attraction to the admiral was much like her own, a fondness for a really nice, gentle, intelligent being, tempered with a knowledge of what the admiral was. ”Do you know what I see the most beauty in, Grace?” the admiral asked suddenly. She shook her head.
”I see a beauty of organization in the s.h.i.+p's computer system when I'm plugged in, when the entire system is working. It's complete, whole. The shades of meaning, the splendid conformity of the billions of bytes of data, there's an unseen glow about it, Grace, something that I can't explain, and something you can't see, but it's beautiful. I know that I'm programmed to appreciate that. But then I can also see the beauty of a sunset and beauty in the way you look at me, even though I'm not constructed to do so.
Excuse me, Grace, but you're beautiful to me.”
”Thank you, ” she said, her heart hurting for him, for he was looking at her so earnestly.
”When I walk in and you're kissing Chief Rosen, I sense the way you feel. I'm not supposed to feel emotions, but they just seem to sweep over me, to soak into sensors in a way that I can't a.n.a.lyze. Is that love?”
”Yes, ” she said.
”Please don't misunderstand,” he went on. ”I am, of course, programmed never to harm a human being.
The overt data there relates to physical harm. I can't seem to separate mental or emotional hurt from physical hurt in my mind.”
”You're afraid you're going to give someone an emotional hurt?”
”Yes,” he said.
”Tina?”
”Yes.”
She was beginning to feel a bit better. For a moment there she'd thought that the admiral was going to confess his love for the girl. But he was only concerned for her.
”Why are you concerned?” she asked.
”Grace, she has told me that it doesn't matter that we are not alike.” He paused. ”This is going to be a bit embarra.s.sing for me.”
”If you can stand it, I can,” she a.s.sured him with a smile.
”She said that I'm the finest, kindest, most gentle person she's ever known.”
”I see,” Grace said.
”She says that there's far more to love than the physical aspects.”
”And what did you say?”
”I told her that she'd feel differently about that as she grew older.”
”I think you said the right thing,” Grace said. ”You've developed some nice sensibilities, Admiral. Would it help if I had a talk with Tina? I think every young girl goes through this. With me it was music and filmstars. A young girl can be safely and madly in love with an unreachable public figure. She can let all her pa.s.sions burn. She can ache and yearn and weep, and down inside she knows all the time that she'll never be in a position to have to resist her strong urges or give in to them. Isn't it the same in the case of Tina and you?”
”Perhaps, Grace, young people are a bit more mature than they were when you were a girl.”
Oh, Lord, she was thinking.He isa teenager . ”The younger generation, my dear, has been more mature-in its own opinion-for thousands of years. ” She knew that she shouldn't have said it. She didn't want the talk to degenerate into a cross-generation conflict.Good Lord, Grace , she was thinking, you should have married long ago and had children, and then you'd be more prepared for them.
”Actually, Grace,” the admiral said, ”Tina is mature for her age. She's very solid minded. She's intelligent. She is going to be one of the finest minds in computer science. In fact, I'd like to suggest that you take her on as an apprentice, because her thought patterns are much like yours. This problem you're working on now, for example, the effects the various chemicals manufactured in the brain of a miner have on memory chips, would be a good vehicle to use to teach Tina good research techniques.”
”Are you changing the subject?”
”No, just a slight diversion.”
”Tell Tina to come talk with me. I'll see if she's really interested. I could use an a.s.sistant now that you're so busy.”
”Thank you,” he said. ”I agree with you in principle. I think that she's going through a phase and will, as you adults say, grow out of it. In the meantime, I see no reason why I shouldn't continue to be her friend.”
”No reason at all,” she agreed. She was thinking wryly that at least no physical consequences could come of it. The admiral was made in man's image, but not tothat detail. Once she'd actually considered giving him all the attributes of a man, but not even her sly sense of humor went that far. But there could be other complications. The admiral's lips, for example, were made of that artificial skin, which, on the surface, was so realistic that it would take an expert to tell the difference by feel. Of course there'd be no moisture, no saliva, in a kiss from the admiral. But a young girl's dreams didn't go much beyond a kiss.
She felt a sudden surge of worry. Talk about mixed-up love affairs!
”Admiral, let me be sure I understand,” she said. ”Am I right in thinking that Tina is in love with you, or that you think she's in love with you?”
”Yes,” he said.
”She's told you so?”
”Yes. That's the problem, you see.”
”I'm not sure I do see. You are not in love with Tina?”
”No. Of course not,” he said quickly.
Good, she was thinking.Now we're making progress. So, let me see, how do I want to word this ?”Admiral, may I ask a very personal question?”
”Of course.”
”Do you ever have a desire to touch Tina? No, let me make that a multiple question. You see, there's a lot we don't understand about the functioning of that rather miraculous brain of yours, my boy. You were not supposed to have emotions, and you do. You were supposed to be programmed not to harm any human physically, and your own feelings have extended that to not hurting them emotionally. So, have you touched, kissed, or embraced Tina? Do you want to touch, kiss, or embrace Tina? Are you capable of falling in love with Tina?”
”In the order of asking,” he said, ”I have touched Tina, but not in a romantic way. Perhaps I might put my hand on her shoulder while she is at the keyboard and I'm giving her instructions. I have not kissed her, although she has kissed me on the cheek. I have not embraced her. As for my desires, I am fond of Tina and want to touch her, in the same manner that you sometimes put your hand on my arm. I have no desire to kiss her or embrace her in a romantic way”
Ah, Grace was thinking,it's all going to be all right .
”For, you see,” the admiral went on, ”although I myself am young in years of existence, I am a mature being. Tina is much too young for me.”
Whoops.
”I haven't answered your last question, Grace, ” the admiral said. ”You asked if I was capable of falling in love with Tina. The specific answer is no, for the reasons I've just given. The general answer, however, is that I am quite capable of falling in love, have fallen in love, and find that love returned.”
Flabbergasted, Grace was silent for a moment.
”Care to go into a bit more detail?” she asked.