Part 12 (2/2)

I look out the window, and we remain silent all the way home. My self-inflicted emotional flogging continues. I played with fire and got burned badly. Each pa.s.sing minute brings a new realization, and I sink lower and lower. As Max speeds along, the little door in my heart slowly closes and locks.

Max finds a parking s.p.a.ce near my apartment and shuts off the engine. I gather up my skirt and turn toward the door, not able to face him because of my embarra.s.sment.

”Okay, thanks for driving me home. I really appreciate it.” I've never wanted to be inside and shut away from the world so much in my life.

”I'm coming with you.” There's conviction in his words.

I turn back and face him. ”Why?”

He looks down at me with the narrow eyes and pursed mouth of disapproval that feels parental-as if I don't have any idea what I actually need. I find this irritating.

”Thanks, but it really isn't necessary. I've been enough of a burden tonight. I'm going to figure out a way to knock myself out, and hopefully sleep until it's time for work on Monday.”

He gives me another look, gets out of the car, walks around and opens my door.

”Come on, Ava. Let's go.”

I carefully step out of the car, still aware that I can't let anything happen to Katherine's dress. I lean on Max and hold the railing as we ascend the stairs to the apartment.

Once inside, I begin to shed reminders of my evening. The shoes are kicked into the back of my closet. The necklace and earrings are carefully set in the ceramic dish on my dresser. The dress, however, requires Max's a.s.sistance to unfasten. I feel his fingers graze the top of my back before he slowly slides the zipper down, exposing my naked back as the dress falls open. I turn around and catch the dark look in his eyes before he turns away.

If the circ.u.mstances had been different, this would represent the promise of so much more. Sadly, we're both aware of how, this time, it's something else entirely.

Max is in the kitchen when I finally emerge from the bathroom, makeup free with my sweats on. He's poured vodka shots into juice gla.s.ses, and I down my first hit before he can offer me the gla.s.s.

”Slow down, cowgirl,” he warns, as I pour myself another shot.

”Why? So I can keep my wits about me and come to my senses about all that happened tonight? I need to forget, because nothing's going to make this better, Max. It's only going to get worse.”

He roughly rubs his face with his hands and lets out a long-suffering sigh.

”Because I'm an idiot. I'll end up with no career in the art world that I love so much. And inside, I'm a bigger mess than when I arrived here five years ago. At least then I had a plan, and I stuck to it. If I had just stuck to my plan-”

I quickly down the second shot and feel the fire creep down my throat.

”So, what was your plan?” he asks, as he downs his first shot.

”After my mom bailed, I decided to never make myself vulnerable to anyone, and I mean anyone. She trusted her boyfriend, Russ-he seemed like an okay guy, and look what f.u.c.king happened. He ruined her.”

Max opens his mouth, as if he's going to ask me something, but then he presses his lips together and nods once.

”Once I moved out here, I would date once in a while, and even sleep with a guy if he was nice and I was really attracted to him, but I wouldn't let anyone get close...get under my skin. And when I stuck to the plan, things were fine!” I pound my fists on the table to emphasize my point.

”Fine?” Max looks a little alarmed, and he doesn't sound convinced, but I ignore him.

”And then all the rules went to h.e.l.l.” I pour another shot, roll it around my gla.s.s, lift it to my lips, and suck it down. The room spins a bit.

I point accusingly. ”So, I met you, and you dazzled the h.e.l.l out of me. I wanted to be with you so d.a.m.n much. You must have known how much I wanted you-wanted to sleep with you-and if you had wanted to, I can promise I would've done it again and again. That was the first sign that my rules weren't working.” I cringe, realizing that the alcohol's. .h.i.t me too hard, too fast, and my mouth is out of control.

Max's face flushes and he rubs the back of his neck with my p.r.o.nouncement. He moves the vodka bottle to the far end of the kitchen.

I rest my head on the table and feel the coolness of the wood on my hot cheek. Tears pool up in my eyes and slide down sideways across my face onto the wood.

He picks up a stray napkin from the table and gently blots the tears from my cheek.

I've had too much vodka. I look up and Max s.h.i.+mmers like a mirage on the desert.

A sob escapes me and I tighten my fists. ”I thought you didn't want me, but Jonathan sure did. He told me I was beautiful and talented and made me feel really wanted. It was that simple. I've become so motherf.u.c.king needy. It's pathetic.”

”Ava,” he whispers with anguish in his voice before he pulls me into his arms. ”I'm here now. Let me help you through this.”

”I don't want any d.a.m.n help.” I fight him, but he holds me tighter.

”I want to live on a f.u.c.king island all by myself. When you let people get close, you do stupid things. And when you open your heart to someone, you also make yourself vulnerable to lose them...And I've lost too much already. I can't afford to lose any more.”

”Okay, angel. We'll find you an island,” he says with a soothing voice.

”Yeah,” I moan and I curl into his side.

”Can I come visit you on your island?”

”Are you teasing me?” I slur and look into his big blue gray eyes. ”Well, maybe you can visit.”

”Good, because I'll really miss you.”

I let out a long sigh.

He kisses the top of my head, and then he slips his arm under my legs and lifts me up. ”Come on, I think you need to lie down.”

He carries me into my bedroom and gently settles me on my bed. He disappears for a moment, but returns with a gla.s.s of water and bottle of aspirin. He pries open the bottle and hands me two tablets.

”Are you mad at me?” I ask.

”No, why would I be mad at you?”

”Because of Jonathan, because I was stupid.”

”Well, I have quite a history of doing stupid things. So I wouldn't pa.s.s judgment on you for that mistake. I'll reserve all my anger for Jonathan.”

”You're pretty impressive when you express your anger, you know.”

He rolls his eyes before I take the gla.s.s from him.

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