Part 10 (1/2)
”She does an excellent job. Emma, you're a very lucky little girl. And look at this view.” She stepped to the window and sighed, studying the waves cras.h.i.+ng against the cliffs in the distance. ”It's breathtaking. I love the ocean. I love watching Livy dance and play in the waves. We don't get to the water as much as I would like back in Maryland. We're always so busy with Livy's tumbling cla.s.ses and my lesson plans. Groceries and laundry. Time gets away from me.”
”We can go more often if you want. The beach is just a couple miles down the road.”
She'd forgotten herself in her pleasure. ”That's okay. You have a lot going on with work.”
”Forgot to be careful and keep it all bottled up.”
Surprised, Alexa turned. He still knew her so well.
He leaned his shoulder against the frame of the crib, the picture of relaxation, until she focused on his eyes.
”I'm not sure-”
”Yeah, you are. We both are. You tell me what I want or need to know about Olivia and Abby, but you're off limits-a closed book.”
Her back went up. ”That's right.”
”Can I hold her?”
She stared at him, frowning, unable to keep up with the abrupt change in conversation. ”Of course.” She walked to him and handed off Emma.
Jack sat in the rocking chair, setting an easy rhythm with his legs. ”She's getting so big. She's such a pretty thing.”
Apparently the tense moment had pa.s.sed. ”Yes, she is.” She continued to study Jack. He was so handsome, so tough and masculine, yet gentle and attentive as he smiled down at the baby in his arms. Alexa clutched the edge of the crib, drowning in waves of regret. ”I stole a million moments like this from you and Livy.”
He stopped rocking and looked at her.
”How can you stand it? How can you be so kind to me when I took that from you?”
He held out his hand. ”Come here.”
She shook her head and stayed where she was. ”You didn't want me, but that didn't mean you didn't want her. I was wrong, Jack. I was so wrong.”
He settled Emma at his shoulder and burped her. ”Come here, Alex.”
Giving in to her heart, she walked to him and took his outstretched hand.
”I messed up our relations.h.i.+p, Alex. I did this.”
”No.” She couldn't let him take all the blame.
”Give me some of it back. Tell me what it was like. What was Olivia like?”
”Perfect. Amazing. She was amazing.” Alexa smiled, getting lost in her memories. ”She was such a peanut when she was born. I remember the first time I held her. I was terrified but so in love. I stared at her perfect little face and saw so much of you.”
Jack clutched her hand tighter. ”You used our names.”
She nodded, stunned that he remembered. ”Yes, I used the names we picked out on those silly occasions we would dream. I wasn't going to. It hurt too much, but then I saw her and I knew she had to be Olivia Grace.”
”Alex.”
She shook her head in defense against the gentleness in his voice and the pain in his eyes. ”Every moment was beautiful-has been beautiful,” she went on before he could say anything more. ”Even the days and nights when I was so tired and scared and had so many plates spinning in the air... She's been my joy.”
”I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry you went through it alone.”
”I wasn't alone. I had Gran and Abby. They were great. Abby came home on the weekends. Gran helped as much as she could, but she was in so much pain.”
”You were taking care of Gran and Olivia and working full-time.”
Alexa shrugged. ”I did what I had to. She gave up so much for me and Abby.”
”When did she die?”
”A couple years ago. She pa.s.sed mercifully quickly. I made it to the hospital with just enough time to tell her I loved her and to promise her I would take care of Abby. She told me I should find you. That was the last thing she said.” Alexa dropped his hand and walked to the window. Touching him was too much right now when her defenses were down.
Jack laid Emma in her crib and stepped up behind her. ”Alex.” He turned her to face him. ”Alex, I...” He frowned and snagged his finger against the chain of her necklace, tugging at the charm half hidden under her top.
”Jack, don't.” She took a step away and stared into his eyes as she clutched her hand around the small piece of gold.
”Stop.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her back. ”Let me see.”
She pressed her lips firm and tightened her grip. ”Leave it alone.”
”You-you kept it.” He removed her fingers curled around the chain and toyed with the triangular charm. ”Alex, you kept it.”
She turned and stared out at the rough waters. She had no choice but to tell him the truth. ”I couldn't take it off.”
”Do you... Do you always wear it?” He brushed his hands down her arms.
”Yes.” She closed her eyes, struggling to remain unaffected by the warmth of his touch. ”Please don't.”
He pulled her against him. ”All this time... The last two weeks... I didn't notice.” The heat of his breath feathered her neck.
”I didn't want you to,” she whispered.
”All this time,” he repeated next to her ear as he clasped their fingers.
This was a mistake-a huge mistake, but she couldn't pull away.
The door opened. ”We're starting... Oh, excuse me.” Sarah stepped back out and shut the door.
Coming to her senses, Alexa freed herself and hurried to the crib.
”Wait.”
”No.” She gently picked up the sleeping baby. ”You don't want this.”
”Don't tell me what I want, Alex.”
”Okay, I don't want this. You're caught up.”