Part 37 (1/2)
”She is, but I'm not. That's what she says about it. The trouble is she doesn't believe in me.”
Mr. Carteret shone with his candour. ”Doesn't she love you then?”
”That's what I ask her. Her answer is that she loves me only too well.
She's so afraid of being a burden to me that she gives me my freedom till I've taken another year to think.”
”I like the way you talk about other years!” Mr. Carteret cried. ”You had better do it while I'm here to bless you.”
”She thinks I proposed to her because she got me in for Harsh,” said Nick.
”Well, I'm sure it would be a very pretty return.”
”Ah she doesn't believe in me,” the young man repeated.
”Then I don't believe in _her_.”
”Don't say that--don't say that. She's a very rare creature. But she's proud, shy, suspicious.”
”Suspicious of what?”
”Of everything. She thinks I'm not persistent.”
”Oh, oh!”--Nick's host deprecated such freedom.
”She can't believe I shall arrive at true eminence.”
”A good wife should believe what her husband believes,” said Mr.
Carteret.
”Ah unfortunately”--and Nick took the words at a run--”I don't believe it either.”
Mr. Carteret, who might have been watching an odd physical rush, spoke with a certain dryness. ”Your dear father did.”
”I think of that--I think of that,” Nick replied.
”Certainly it will help me. If I say we're engaged,” he went on, ”it's because I consider it so. She gives me my liberty, but I don't take it.”
”Does she expect you to take back your word?”
”That's what I ask her. _She_ never will. Therefore we're as good as tied.”
”I don't like it,” said Mr. Carteret after a moment. ”I don't like ambiguous, uncertain situations. They please me much better when they're definite and clear.” The retreat of expression had been sounded in his face--the aspect it wore when he wished not to be encouraging. But after an instant he added in a tone more personal: ”Don't disappoint me, dear boy.”
”Ah not willingly!” his visitor protested.
”I've told you what I should like to do for you. See that the conditions come about promptly in which I _may_, do it. Are you sure you do everything to satisfy Mrs. Dallow?” Mr. Carteret continued.
”I think I'm very nice to her,” Nick declared. ”But she's so ambitious.
Frankly speaking, it's a pity for her that she likes me.”