Part 18 (1/2)

”Middle-aged and starting over,” Ben said, his face alight with happiness.

They all laughed and then Noah asked, ”When will you leave for New York?”

Jane bit her lip again and looked at Noah. ”Oh, I'm asking so much, aren't I? I'll make it up to you. I promise I will.”

Ben answered his question. ”We were hoping to leave in another couple of days. As soon as Elizabeth can be ready.”

They all looked at Elizabeth and she shrugged. ”I could be ready tomorrow since I'll be buying new clothes in New York. It will be strange to have so much money that I can buy anything I want.”

Noah frowned. ”What do you mean?”

Jane grimaced. ”I'm sorry, Noah. I should have told the two of you together. I'm giving all of the inheritance my father left me to Elizabeth. It's a sizable fortune.”

Noah felt his heart sink lower as he realized what that meant. She really didn't need him now. She had all she could ever want in these kind, loving people sitting at his table.

She would never need him again.

Twenty-Four.

Noah watched as Elizabeth packed her things. She had been strangely quiet the last two days and he guessed she didn't know what to say to him. He didn't know what to say to her. It hurt just looking at her. He wondered if he would ever see her again after they left. The tiny part of him that said she'd married him for the security he could give her rose up to torture him. She would be caught up in her new life as an heiress and the weeks would turn into months that would turn into years, until he was just a distant, cold Alaskan memory to her. Sometimes lately, she seemed so wrapped up in her new family, it hardly seemed they were really married at all. Maybe it was for the best.

The arrangements were all made. Noah had hired a friend of his, a Tlingit, to guide them back to Juneau. He knew he would have to say good-bye from his own land. He couldn't bear it in Juneau with the others around.

Now it was nearly time and they were loading their saddle bags onto the horses. Noah handed Elizabeth a pouch filled with food for the trail and her canteen filled with the kind of cool, clear water that graced his land, and, for a moment, their eyes locked but neither said a word. It was just too hard.

Jane and Ben had left them alone in the cabin for obvious reasons and were milling around in the yard, waiting. Finally, Noah could stand it no longer. Taking the bundle from her hands, he laid it on the table and took Elizabeth by the shoulders. With courage from deep within, he kissed her. It was soft and heart-wrenchingly tender. Then he said, ”Go. Regain some small part of what you lost. They need you now a and you need them.”

She looked up at him and asked softly, ”But what of you, Noah? What do you need?”

Why was she making this so hard? He wanted to shake her. Didn't she know this was killing him? With a deep breath, he said one last time, ”I love you, and I need what is best for you. Now, go!”

She hesitated for a moment and then, with a final, quick kiss on his compressed mouth, she scooped up the pouch and walked to the door. Turning, she looked at him for a long moment, her face an unreadable shadow, his glowing with stark pain in a shaft of late-afternoon sun. Then slowly, softly, she shut the door.

Noah fought the battle of going to the window and won. Instead, he braced both hands far apart on the counter and leaned heavily against them. With his head dropped forward, he cried, ”Oh, G.o.d!”