Part 13 (1/2)

”I don't believe you,” Noah answered back, but he didn't sound certain.

”Don't you?” came the smooth reply. ”Think about it. Doesn't it make some of the pieces to the puzzle fit?”

Elizabeth clenched her teeth, waiting for Noah's response. She jerked as she heard the gun go off.

”Get out of here and don't ever let me see you again. I'll kill you if you come near her.”

She heard movement and then Ross's laugh farther off. ”Sorry, she will never want you. I have what she wants and she will come to me for it.” A short pause and another laugh, farther off, then a ”I know her real name.”

Elizabeth sat there in the tall weeds for a long time, waiting a feeling numb.

”Is it true?”

His voice was closer. She couldn't answer, couldn't even move.

Suddenly, he was grasping her by the shoulders, kneeling beside her. ”Is it true? Did you lie about him being your husband? Did you agree to such a bargain with him and steal yourself a ticket to Alaska? Elizabeth, tell me.”

She looked up into his eyes, tormented eyes, and saw the depths of the pain she had brought into his life. A sob broke from her throat. ”Yes, yes, it's true. It's true and more.”

He pulled her close, forcing her to hold his gaze. ”Why?”

When she didn't answer, couldn't answer, just stared at him, he let go of her and backed away as if he'd touched something unclean. His last words slipped out in a whisper, fell to the ground with a dark thud and rolled through all her protective walls to pierce her heart.

”And to think I almost married you.”

Scorching pain made her fall back. ”And now you know why I wouldn't let you,” she whispered.

NOAH RUSHED BACK to their camp, his breathing heavy and sick. What had he done? Chased a stranger halfway across a continent? Yes, a strangera”that's what she was. He could hardly contain his feelings. Looking up into the night sky he railed, ”Why? What was all this for?” The stars twinkled back at him, so sure and bright in their creation.

Forgiveness is not for the good.

He hadn't heard the voice in a long time and didn't really want to hear it now. ”Forgiveness? For what? Being someone she's not? For making me believe she was someone she's not?” He felt like shaking his fist but set his hands on his hips insteada”daring G.o.d to answer.

Seeing only what you wanted to see, perhaps?

Noah felt the words. .h.i.t to his core. Was it he that needed her forgiveness? Yes, she had lied to hima”broken his heart evena”but hadn't he stubbornly clung to what he thought Elizabeth should be instead of seeing her as she really wasa”a survivor of terrible circ.u.mstances. A woman with strengths that he had only seen as hardness, something to change and fix. It was just those circ.u.mstances that had made her who she was a and he loved who she was. Her fierceness a her vulnerability a her laughter and her face with laughter on it. Her determination to be strong a her elation when she was a her tears when she was weak and the willingness to let him see her weakness a her very self. Elizabeth. Then he realized a he loved her just as she was.

Before he had time to change his mind or even reason it through, he rushed back to the tall gra.s.s where he had left her.

She sat in the twilight, her knees up and her head down on them, her arms curled protectively around her legs. She looked so fragile, her slender shoulders weighted with burdens she should not be carrying, a burden he had added to. Something inside him broke, like a dam, and he felt a rush of compa.s.sion for her. Kneeling next to her he touched her gently on the shoulder, tears of his own making cold, wet tracks of sorrow and repentance on his cheeks.

She jerked up and away from him. ”Go away a go back to Juneau where you belong.” Her words were strong and he marveled at her strengtha”hard won and tempered like steel to a deadly sharpness. He smiled a slow, sad, happy smile, realizing that in knowing its source it could not pierce him. He remembered suddenly what she had last said to him, why she had lied about being married. ”And now you know why I wouldn't let you,” she had said. If she loved him at all, he suddenly understood what that lie must have cost her.

”Elizabeth a I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It was the shock, and my own weakness. I haven't wanted to see the truth anymore than you've wanted to say it.”

She stared up at him, confusion evident in the endless pools of her deep brown eyes.

”Listen to me,” he said, ”it doesn't matter. Not Ross or your past or anything else you could tell me. Elizabeth a I love you.”

Suddenly Elizabeth was a she-cat, clawing and kicking at him. ”Stop it! Don't say something you will regret.”

He let her thrash for a moment and then quieted her in his strong embrace. ”I won't regret it.”

She stilled and then lashed out with a better weapon. ”You don't know the half of it. What if I told you I've learned the backside of honesty like you know your land. Loving grandparents are for fairy tales, and profitable farms in Illinois are pipe dreams. Black, dark voids live in me where silent orphanages and parent slave owners dwell. I've stolen more than food or money or anything I could put my hands to. I've stolen courage and honest work from the backs of others. I've stolen truth from situations that weren't working to my advantage. I'm a past master at knowing how to work peoplea”get what I want from them. It's as natural as my breath, and I did it to you and Will and Cara and every living soul who has ever touched me. Ross said we were cut from the same cloth and he's right. Living with me would mean sucking the life out of you until you had nothing left to give.” Her voice lowered to a mere harsh whisper. ”I would use you a not love you.”

He felt it again, that searing pain that connected him with her emotions. It was overwhelming, overpowering. With fresh tears in his eyes he whispered back, ”Take it. Take my love a even unto my death. I'll give it all for you.”

She let out a sob that turned into a wail. ”I would destroy you,” she choked out.

Taking her face between his hands he looked deeply into her eyes, willing her to believe him. ”No a no you wouldn't. My love is strong enough for both of us. Let me love you a Elizabeth a the woman you are right here, right now. If I could take away the pain of your suffering I would, but I can't. All I can do is suffer it with you, help you carry it. Elizabeth, let me love you.”

She gazed at him, unbelief in her eyes, for a long moment that seemed an eternity. A cool breeze blew in, drying their tears, bringing with it an unearthly calm. She breathed heavy and long breaths. ”All right, Noah a but never say I didn't warn you.”

He laughed long and loud, with a kind of relief that sent his heart soaringa”a victor's laugh. Stroking the top of her silky head, he pulled her into his arms. ”It's going to be OK.” He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tight. ”I promise.”

January 16, 1896 Dear Mrs. Rhodes, I have received several responses from the many new advertis.e.m.e.nts regarding the reward, but nothing of substance. In reviewing my accounts, I am sad to report that I don't feel I am earning your generous payments. Would you like me to continue, dear ma'am? I could place advertis.e.m.e.nts in the newspapers of the far west. It is the only area of the country yet unturned.

My son Clyde marries this year. It is an event in the life of a child that I wouldn't want you to miss. Let us not give up hope.

I remain your devoted servant.

Sincerely yours, Jeremiah Hoglesby.

Private Detective for Hire.

Eighteen.

The room was poorly lit and thick with the smells of tobacco, sweat, and whiskey. Noah stalked over to the bar of The Grand Dame Saloon, a man on a mission. Ross's parting taunt of some hidden knowledge of Elizabeth's real name still rang in his earsa”he had to find out what Ross had alluded to. He was just about to question the bartender when he heard that unmistakable laugh. Turning, he saw Ross dressed in a black suit, white s.h.i.+rt, and thinly knotted black tie at a table in the back. He was facing away from the door and hadn't seen Noah come in. In spite of the fact that Noah had been looking for him most of the day, he was surprised to actually find him. Noah wasted no time striding over to the table.

Ross looked up as Noah's booted steps stopped across the table from his chair. Ross had a thin cigar clenched between his teeth, his manner conveying his usual impeccable appearance. His face darkened when he saw Noah, but he remained seated.

Noah looked around at the other occupants at the table. ”Excuse me, fellas, but I need to borrow one of your players for a moment.” He looked at Ross. ”I need to speak to you, Ross. Let's step outside.”

Ross smiled. ”What kind of fool do you take me for, Wesley? I don't think so.”

Noah wasn't in the mood for this. Meaningfully patting the pistol dangling from his side, he ground out, ”We have unsettled business to finish. Let's go.”

The other men at the table were held frozen, eyes wide and wondering. Ross just smirked at Noah. ”If you shoot me, you will never get the answers to your questions.” Slowly, he rose to face Noah. ”Tell you what, buddy. Elizabeth is a pretty piece of skirt, but she's not worth this much of my time. I'm sick of this town and sick of seeing you, so tell me what you want to know.”

”Not here. Let's take it outside.”

One of the other players started to guffaw, but when Noah turned his steely gaze on him, he stopped abruptly.