Part 32 (2/2)

”Are yousure?” Helooksather,his eyes wide,his voiceshaking.

”Once you've been pregnant you know how to recognize the signs.” She smiles slowly at him, laying downherFullHouse.

”MyG.o.d,”hesays, atrickleof sweatformingonhis brow.

”Andtomorrowatbreakfastwe'll tellyour mother.”

They stare at each other, tacitly acknowledgingthe arrangement she has made on their behalf. I pray to fall betweenthecouchcus.h.i.+ons.

”Now,Nanny.”Sheturnshercoldsmiletome. ”WhatisitI candoforyou?”

I stand. ”You know what? It's totally not a big deal. We can talk about this later.And congratulations,” I offerasanafterthought.

”No,thisis a perfecttime,isn't it, honey?” Shesmiles athim.

Hejuststaresbackather.

”Sit down, Nanny,”shesays.

I swallow. ”Well, it's just that I have to find a new apartment this weekend, so if there's any way that you could drop me off at the ferry Friday night on the way to your party ... It's just that there'll be so much traffic on Sat.u.r.day and I haven't even started packing and I need to have everything boxed by MondayandI wasjustthinking,youknow,ifit's not anytrouble ... Ofcourse,ifyouneedmeI'm happy tostay. justthought...”

Mrs. X fixesme with a steelygaze. ”Well, I have abetter idea,Nanny,whydon't you justleavetonight?

Mr. X candrive youtothe ferry. Elizabeth's here. e're reallycovered.”

”Oh,no, really,I don't needtoleavetonight. I justthought,youknow,theremightbesomuchtrafficon Sat.u.r.day. I'm happy to stay, I want to stay? My heart pounds as I become fully cognizant of what is at stake. I am staggeredbythevision ofGrover, wakingin afewhours,terrifiedandalone.

Mrs. X cutsme off. ”Don't be silly. Honey,when's thenextferry?”

Heclears.h.i.+s throat.”I'm notsure.”

”Well, youcanjustdrive Nannyover tothedock. heygopretty regularly.”

Hestands. ”I'll getmyjacket.”Andexits.

Sheturnsbacktome. ”Now,whydon't yougoupandpack?”

”Really, Mrs. X, I don't need to leave tonight. I just wanted to have my apartment sorted before Monday.”

She smiles. ”Frankly, Nanny, I just don't feel that your heart's in it anymore and I think Grayer can sensethat, too.We need someone who can give Grayer their full commitment, don't you agree? I mean, for the money we're paying you, with the new baby coming, we should really have someone more professional.”Shestands. ”I'll give you ahand,soyoudon't wakeGrayer.”

She follows me toward the stairs. I walk up ahead of her, frantically running through scenarios that mightgiveme achancetosay good-bye to him. She comes behind me into the small room and stands between our beds with crossed arms, watching me carefully as I hastily stuff my things into my bag, awkwardly moving around her in thecrampeds.p.a.ce.

Grayer moansinhis sleepandrolls over. I achetowakehim.

I finish collecting my things in her shadow and sling my bag up over my shoulder, mesmerized by the sight of Grover's hand in a tightfist floppedover theside of the bed, the Batman Band-Aid sticking out beneathhispushed-up pajamasleeve.

She gestures for me to walk past her to the door. Before I can help it, I reach out to smooth the damp hair off his forehead. She grabs my hand an inch from his face and whispers through clenched teeth, ”Betternottowakehim.” Shemaneuversmetothestairs.

As I startdown aheadof her myeyes fill with tears, causing the stairs to pitch beneath me and I have to grip thebanister tosteadymyself. Sheb.u.mps againstthebackofmybag.

”I... I... I justwanted?Myvoice iscoming outinlittle gulps. I turnuptofaceher.

”What?” she hisses, leaning menacingly forward. I pull back, the weight of my bag drawing me off balance as I start to fall. She instinctively reaches out and grabs my arm, swinging me against the banister asI rightmyself. We faceeachother,eye toeye onthesamestep. ”What?” shechallengesme.

”She wasintheapartment,” I say. ”I justthoughtyoushouldknow,I mean,I?

”You f.u.c.king child.” She comes back at me in this two-and-a-half-foot s.p.a.ce with all theforce of years of suppressedrageand humiliation. ”You. Have no idea.Whatyou're talkingabout. Is thatclear?” Each wordfeelslike apunch. ”And I'd bevery careful. If I were you.Howyouregardour family?

Mr. X honks the car from the driveway, startling the puppy, who begins a round of sharp barking from thekitchen.Aswe reachthe bottomofthestairsthenoisewakesGrayer. ”Nanny!” hecries out. ”NAAANNYYY!!”

Mrs. X pushes past me. ”Ugh, thatdog,”she mutters, marchingto the kitchen. She shoves the swinging dooropenandthedogboundsout,yappingfiercelyather.

”Just takeit,”shesays, roughlyliftingthepuppyupbyherribcage.

”I couldn't?

”NANNY,COMEHERE. I NEEDTHELIGHTON. NANNY,WHEREAREYOU?”.

”I said, take it.” Mrs. X. thrusts her out at me. Her paws flail for solid ground, forcing me to instinctively receive her before she's dropped. Mrs. X jerks the front door open, grabbing her purse off the side table. She pulls her checkbook out and scribbles furiously while I look over toward the stairs. ”Here.”Shehandsmethecheck.

I turnand walk past her onto the gravel driveway, as Grayer's increasinglyhysterical cries echo out into thedarkness.

”NAAAANNNNYYYY!INEEEEEEDYOOOOUl/171717!”

”Have a good trip!” she calls out from the doorway as I make my way shakily down the path lit by the Rover's headlights,willing mykneesnottogive out.

I getinthefrontseatandtrytosteadymyhandsasI pulltheseatbeltacrossthepuppyandmyself. ”Oh,” Mr. X says, looking at her. ”Yeah, I guess Grayer's a little young. Maybe in a few years.” He starts thecar and peels out of thedriveway, and before I can lookback to fix the house in mymind, it is eclipsedbythewoodsasheracesthecaracrosstheempty countryroads. He pulls into the deserted ferry dock and I open the door to get out. ”Well,” he says as if it's just occurredtohim. ”GoodluckwiththeMCATs. hey're a killer!” a.s.soonasthedoorslams, hepeelsoutoftheparkinglotand THE NANNY DIARIES drives away. I walk slowly into the nearly empty ferry terminal and look around for the schedule. The nextferryisn't foranhour.

ThepuppywrigglesundermyarmandI scanthewaitingroomforanythingthatcouldserveas a carrier.

I go over to the guy who's closing up the Dunkin' Donuts counter and ask him for a bunch of plastic bags and some string to fasten a makes.h.i.+ft leash. I pull all my clothes out of my tote, shove them in the plasticbags, linethetotewith theremainingonesandplacethedoginontop.

”There you go,” I say. She looks up at me and barks before hunkering down to chew on the plastic. I slouchbackagainstthepeelingorangeseatandlookupintothefluorescentlight.

I canstill hearhimscreamingforme.

Butn.o.bodyever knewwhatMaryPoppinsfeltabout.i.t, forMaryPoppinsnevertoldanybodyanything.

. ARYPOPPINS.

CHAPTER TWELVE.

It's Been a Pleasure ”Yo, lady!” I jolt awake. ”Last stop. ort Authority!” the driver shouts from the front of the bus. I hastily gather my things together. ”I wouldn't be trying to sneak on any animals again, girlie. Or next time you'll findyourself walkingbacktoNantucket,”hesays,leeringatmeover thesteeringwheel.

<script>