Part 13 (2/2)
I putthebill downonthehalltable.
Her eyes flash. ”Look, Nanny, is it? You run home and tell your boss that you found me here and all you'll be doing is saving me the trouble of leaving behind a pair of panties.” She steps back into the apartment,lettingthedoorslamshutbehindher.
”Like, literally panties?” Sarah asks me the next day as she tries on yet another shadeof pink lipstick at theStilacounter.
”I don't know!DoI havetolookforthem? I feellikeI havetolookforthem.”
”How much are thesepeople paying you? I mean, do you have a line? Is there a line they could cross?”
Sarahisfuriouslypuckering.”Toopink?”
”Baboonb.u.t.t,” I say.
”Try one of the plummy shades,” the makeup artist behind the counter suggests. Sarah reaches for a tissueandstartsover. ”Mrs. X iscomingbacktomorrow. I feellikethere's somethingI'm supposedtobedoing,”I say, leaning againstthecounterinexasperation.
”Um, quitting?”
”No,outhereintherealworld,whereI payrent.”
”TOOOOOTS!!!!!” Sarah and I freeze and look across the atrium to where two piles of shopping bags are calling Sarah's high-school nifkname, which rhymes with ”boots.”The bags make their wayaround thebalconytowardus, partingtorevealAlexandraandLangly,twoofour cla.s.smatesfromChapin. SarahandI exchangeglances. Inhighschooltheylivedin THE NANNY DIARIES Birkenstocks and followed the Dead. Nowthey standbefore us,Alexandra atnearly six feet and Langly atbarely five, inshearlingcoats,cashmere turtlenecks,and as.h.i.+tload ofCartier.
”TOOTS!” they cry again as Alexandra envelops Sarah in a big hug, nearly clonking her on the head with oneofhershoppingbags.
”Toots,what's up?”Alexandraasks. ”So,doyouhave aman?”
Sarah's eyelids lift. ”No. Well, I mean there was someone, but...” She's starting to sweat, foundation beadingonherbrow.
”I have a faaabulous man. e's Greek. He's soo gorgeous. We're going to the Riviera next week,”
Alexandracoos. ”So,whatareyouup to?” sheasksme.
”Oh,sameold,sameold.Still workingwith kids.”
”Huh,”Langlysays quietly. ”What're yougonnadonextyear?”
”Well, I'm hoping to work with an after-school program.” Their eyes narrow, as if I had just switched languages unexpectedly. ”Focusing on using creative arts? As a tool for self-expression? And, um, building community?” I am getting completely blank looks. ”Kathie Lee's really involved?” I offer as a last-ditch effortto ... what?
”Right.Whataboutyou?” Langlyalmost whisperstoSarah.
”I'm goingtoworkatAllure.”
”Oh,myG.o.d!!” theysqueal.
”Well,”Sarahcontinues, ”I'm onlygoingtobeansweringthephones,but?
”No,that's awesome. I. Love.Allure,”Alexandrasays.
”Whatare youguys doingnextyear?” I ask.
”Following myman,”Alexandrasays.
”Ganja,”Langlysayssoftly.
”Well, we better run. e're meeting my mom at Cote Basque at one. Oh, Toots!” Sarah is once again molestedbyAlexandraandtheyheadofftopokeattheirseafoodsalads.
”You're toofunny,”1 saytoSarah. ”Allure?”
”f.u.c.k 'em. Comeon, let's goeatsomewherefabulous.”
1 35.
We decidetotreatourselves to a chiclunchof redwineandrobiolacheesepizzasatFred's.
”I mean,wouldyouactuallyleaveyour underwearinsomeone's house?”
”Nan,”Sarahsays,shuttingme up. ”I just don't understandwhyyoucare. Mrs. Xworks youlike a mule andgaveyoudead-animal headgearfor abonus!Whatis yourloyalty?”
”Sarah, regardless of what kind of a whackjob employer she might be, she's still Grayer's mom and this woman is having s.e.x with her husband in her bed. And in Grayer's home. It makes me heartsick.
n.o.bodydeserves that.Andthatfreak!Shewantstoget caught!What's up withthat?”
”Well, if my married boyfriend was dawdling about leaving his wife I guess I might want him to get caught,too.”
”So,ifI tell,Ms. ChicagowinsandMrs. X willbedevastated. IfI don't tellit's humiliatingforMrs. X?
”Nan, this is not even within a million miles of your responsibility. You don't have to be the one to tell her. Trustme. t's notinyour jobdescription.”
”But if I don't and the panties are floating around and she finds out that way ... Ugh! How awful! Oh, myG.o.d,whatifGrayerfindsthem?She's soevil I betshe'd putthemsomewherehe'd findthem.”
”Nan,get agrip.Howwouldheevenknowtheywere hers?”
”Because they're probably black and lacy and thonged and he might not get it now, but one day he'll be intherapyand it'll justIdiilU him. Get yourcoat.”
Sarah greets JcBh in the front hall with a gla.s.s of wine. ”Welcome to Hunt the Panties!, where we play for fabulous prizes, including ear-m.u.f.fs and a trip to the broom closet. Who's our first contestant?”
”Ooh,me,me!” Joshsays ashetakesoffhisjacket. I am onmy hands and knees in the front hall closet, looking through every coat pocket and boot. Nothing. ”Jesus, Nan,thisplaceis amazing. t's likethef.u.c.kingMetropolitanMuseum.”
”Yup, andaboutascozy,”Sarahsays,asI runfranticallyintothe living room.
”We don't havetimetoshootthebreeze!” I callover myshoulder.”Pick a room!”
”So,dowe getpointsforanyundergarments,or must theyhave a scarletA onthem?” Joshasks.
”Extrapointsforcrotchlessandedible.”SarahexplainstherulesforthegameI am notfindingamusing.
”All right!” I say. ”Listen up! We are goingto be methodical. We are going to startin the rooms thatget the most use, where the panties would be uncovered the soonest. Joshua, you take the master bedroom, Mrs. X's dressingroom,andheroffice. SarahAnne!”
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