Part 26 (1/2)
Exchanging her work clothes for stretch pants and an over-long T-s.h.i.+rt, Rena turned her back on her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Facing herself and her mistakes wasn't easily done, and she would have plenty of that soon enough.
Time and excuses had run out. She and J.T. would have to come to a firm decision on their future. It wasn't fair to Chris to string things out.
The trip to and from the base had been quiet, as if J.T. understood any talk would require full attention- and likely be too long to accomplish during the short ride.
She tugged her hair free from inside the overlong T-s.h.i.+rt and searched through a basket by the sink for a matching hair scrunchie. Purple? Black? No. Gray, like her mood. Maybe she could just entice J.T. into having a quickie before they opened Pandora's box. Rena gathered up her hair and- Huh? She focused all her attention inward- There it was again. The tickle inside her. Gasping, she dropped the hair scrunchie and savored those b.u.t.terfly whispers of life within her she'd never expected to feel again.
She pressed a hand to her stomach and didn't even breathe for fear of missing repeats. Her baby became
all the more real-hers and J.T.'s-this new person who deserved so much more than a couple of parents who pitched plates and stormed out of rooms.
”Are you all right?” J.T. asked from the open door connecting the bathroom to their bedroom.
She hadn't even heard him walk up.
Rena nodded, her hand still cradling the sensation inside her. Her lip trembled. ”The baby moved. I'd forgotten what it felt... How incredible... I just...” Her chin trembling, she shrugged. ”Our baby moved.”
His throat convulsed on a long swallow. His hands clenched and she knew he wanted to touch her, even
if he wouldn't be able to feel the flutters yet.
She hated that he had to be hesitant, but if he touched her right now, she would weaken. She would forget all about her resolve and give in when she needed to make a stand more than ever for the baby.
For them.
Still, this was his child, too.
She angled past into their bedroom and slid the ultrasound photo from her dressing table. ”I never got the chance to show you this last night.”
He took the slick black-and-white image and stared at it for so long she grew dizzy holding her breath.
A smile dug dimple brackets around his mouth. ”You're right. This is incredible. Even more than I
remembered. Thank you.”
”There's nothing to thank me for.”
Slowly, he set down the photo, his gray eyes somber. ”There are many things to thank you for.”
Oh G.o.d, he could be so sweet sometimes. She walked into his arms, where she'd wanted to be all day
anyway. Tension left his bunched muscles, his eyes softening but losing none of their impact.
She guided his hand to her stomach, placed and held it against their child. Cars drove past outside. Trees rustled in the breeze. But they both stood still and quiet for-she had no idea how long. His hand slid away and up to sketch knuckles along her cheekbone. ”I've loved you since the first time I saw you. No matter what happens, no matter what else we might say to each other, I want to make sure you know that.”
She melted. Like a bowl of peach ice cream abandoned on the table, she melted into a puddle of emotions. Arching up, she met him as he angled down to kiss her.
With her defensiveness was.h.i.+ng away, the hope shone clearer. Tempting her. Maybe things really would be okay this time without pus.h.i.+ng him.
But then she remembered his words to Chris in the kitchen about fear and bravery. In the face of J.T.'s strength and courage, how could she be anything less? This was her defining moment. If she wanted to be a woman worthy of this so very special man, she needed to be brave enough to make the tougher choices.
Resolve stronger than her shaky knees and quivering belly, she eased down from her toes, broke the kiss. She caressed J.T.'s bristly jaw up into the silver flecking his temples. ”I'd like us to attend marital counseling.”
Predictably, he turned stone still in her arms. ”Why? Things are back on track now. Didn't you hear what I just said?”
Hear? Of course she'd heard. And it scared the spit out of her because she wanted to chicken out and just take what she could. But she knew now that would only delay the inevitable. ”On track? J.T., we had great s.e.x.”
He quirked an eyebrow, not smiling. Already she could feel the restrained irritation resurrecting within him.
”Fine. Incredible s.e.x.” Better than anything she could remember, s.e.x that touched places of her soul she didn't know existed. ”That hasn't helped us before.”
Still, he kept his temper reined, cupped her shoulders, his hands on her always a distraction. He almost certainly knew that and was using it, d.a.m.n him.
”I get your point, babe, but we're talking like you always wanted. h.e.l.l, I've talked more in the past two weeks than I did the whole time I was growing up.”
He had a point, and she wanted to be swayed as much as she wanted to dig in her bare feet and stand her ground. Problem was, when this man finally decided to speak, he could talk her out of her good sense as fast as he could her clothes and heart. ”We need an impartial third party to help us sort through some tough issues.”
”I figure we've pa.s.sed a few landmarks,” he continued as if she hadn't even spoken. ”Sure we've had arguments, but I haven't walked out of the room and you haven't thrown a dish. That's progress.”
”Not funny.”
”Yes, it is.”
Her lips twitched. ”Maybe a little.”
”So what's the problem? We've got a good thing going. Let's roll with it.”
”Yes, things are improving. We both still have feelings for each other.” She kept her eyes on the neck of his flight suit rather than risk falling into his smoky eyes. ”But we're deluding ourselves if we think everything's magically going to get better. This-” she waved her hand in the general direction of their bed-a bed that was waiting too conveniently close for her peace of mind ”-is wonderful, but it's a Band-Aid fix. What's changed to keep us from landing back in the same hurtful place?”
”We're older. Smarter.”
She snorted. ”We're older, anyway.” Grabbing hold of her resolve while sticking strong to her decision
not to grab hold of him, she stared straight into his eyes. ”Jesus, J.T., can't you see that even with progress, we're also still making some of the same mistakes?”