Part 3 (1/2)
Y o u a l l k n o w m e
How many times have I warned you all about my telephone? Well it happened again! Once more I couldn't get through to my Aunty Besst, and yet again I nearly didn't get my famous column with a picture of me inset through those d.a.m.n blasted operators! YOU know how I hate those d.a.m.n blasted operators. You all know me. THIRTY TWO times I tried to get through with my famous column and thirty two times I was told to 'Gerroff the line yer borein' owld ga.s.sbag!' When I told a colleague or two, they couldn't not believe it, after all hadn't I been writing the same thing for sixty years? You all know me...
T h e w a y I s e e i t
How many moron of these incredible sleasy backward, bad, deaf mon- keys, parsing as entertainers, with thier FLOPTOPPED hair, falling about the place like Mary PICKFORD, do I have to put up with?
The way I see it, a good smell in the Army would cure them, get rid of a few more capitalist barskets (OOPS!). Not being able to stand capitalism, I fail to see why those awful common lads make all that money, in spite of me and the governrnent in a society such as ours where our talent will out.
I know I'm a bald old get with gla.s.ses (SEE PICTURE). Maybe I ought to be thankful, but I doubt it...
K o m s d e r r e v o l u t i o n
Caviare is collected for me with Hollywood. Do you rernember when I had dinner with that super spiffing showdog Mike 9 (Round the Wall in Eighty Days, the late) Toddy? Well he loved cavia.r.s.e/great pots of it/ and he a.s.sulmed derry boddy elf did and if they didn't, they should d.a.m.n it (OPPS!). You all know me, well I don't like it, and I find myself (somtimes) fighting a fierce and wonderfull verbal battle as to whether I should be forthed against my will to eat this costly delicasy from the Caspian Sea. Quite orften I lose, but thats Socialism. (You know me).
Mike (Round the Worst in A Tall Canoe, the late) Toddy would have liked me.
I suppose a lot of you have never had the chance of refusing this costly delicacy, believe me fans, you never will if we keep building all those bombs...
Until tomorrow friends when I (YOU ALL KNOW ME) will be back with the same picture, but a DIFFERENT QUOTE brothers.
Good Day, (The way I see it!)
THE NATIONAL HEALTH COW.
I strolled into a farmyard When no-one was about Treading past the troubles I raised my head to shout.
'Come out the Cow with gla.s.ses,'
I called and rolled my eye.
It ambled up toward me, I milked it with a sigh.
'You're just in time' the cow said, Its eyes were all aglaze, 'I'm feeling like an elephant, I aren't been milked for days.'
'Why is this? ' I asked it, Tugging at its throttles.
'I don't know why, perhaps it's 'cause MY milk comes out in bottles.'
'That's handy for the government,'
I thought, and in a tick The cow fell dead all sudden (I'd smashed it with a brick).
READERS LETTUCE.
Dear Sir,
IF Mr Mothb.a.l.l.s (Feb, 23 Sun'Taimes, page 8. col 4), thinks that the Hon gentleman (Norman Ccough). Well I'm here to tell him (Mr Mothb.a.l.l.s) that he has bitten off more than he can chew. How dearie imply that Mr Ccough is socially inpurdent? Was it not Ccough whom started off the worled wide organiseationses, which in turn brought imidiate response from the Western Alliance (T. U. R.). If Mr Smith- barbs sincerely imagines that Indonegro is really going to attack the Australian continent with the eyes of the worled upon them I can only asulme that he (Mr Smallburns) has taken leaf of his sentries! Has he forgetting Mr Ccough's graet speek at the Asembly of Natives? Is he also forbett- ing that hithertoe unpressydessy charter - the Blested Old Widows - which was carried through the House with a Majollity vote?
In future I hobe thet Mr Smellbarth will refrian frog makeing wild and dangeroo statemonths.
I remain still,
yours for the arsking,
Jennifa.r.s.e Cough (no relations).
P.S. CAN I HEVE A PHOTY OF WINDY STANDSTILL ?.
Editors Football.