Part 96 (2/2)

”Do you have to pay the bill, sir?” I demanded.

”Noo,” he replied.

”Then mind your own business,” I exclaimed, with a clincher, and a flash of the eyes that somehow caused him to cower like the miserable drunken coward he was, amid the laughs and jeers of the bystanders.

[Ill.u.s.tration: MY FRONT STREET PATIENT.]

”There, take the money,” said the woman (boarding mistress). ”Dr. B. would come ferninst the railroad over for half of it, he would,” she added.

”Woman,” said I, ”when next any of your kind want a doctor, do you go ferninst the railroad for Dr. B.” (I knew she lied), ”and get him for a dollar. As for me, _I never, for love or money, will come to your call again_.”

I never heard of money enough to induce me to visit Front or Charles Street after that night, and I have seen some anxious faces looking about for a doctor, in case of emergency, in that locality.

”SAVING AT THE SPIGOT, AND WASTING AT THE BUNG.”

Again, there is a cla.s.s in every city who, to avoid a physician's fee, go to an apothecary, briefly and imperfectly state their case, perhaps to a green clerk, or a proprietor who is as ignorant of the pathology of the disease as the miserable applicant; and who ever knew of a druggist too ignorant to prescribe for a case over the counter? The result is often the administration of harsh remedies, which aggravate the present, or produce some other disease worse than the original, and in the end the patient is obliged to seek the advice of a physician.

Now the patient is ashamed to tell the whole truth, the doctor has yet to learn what drugs are rankling in the system, and the disease is often protracted thereby ten times as long as it need have been, had the man at the outset sought the advice of a respectable physician. This is an every-day occurrence. I knew a young man who recently went into consumption from having a comparatively simple case prolonged by this apotheco-medical interference.

SHOPPING PATIENTS.

”A queer kind of patients!” you exclaim.

Yes, very queer. One cla.s.s of them go round from office to office, to ”just inquire about a friend” (themselves), ”if they could be cured,” how long it would require, and, ten to one, even ask what medicines ”you would give for such a case.”

Such persons, if females, usually come into the city for the double purpose of seeing a doctor, or a dozen, and shopping,--doing the shopping first; tramping from one end of the city to the other, visiting the doctor last, with bundles and boxes by the score, ”in a great hurry; must catch a certain train; all tired out;” making the opportunity for diagnosis an unfavorable one, and not unusually asking the doctor--a stranger, perhaps--to trust them till they come again.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A SHOPPING PATIENT.]

Whoever ”O. SHAW” may be, he knows a thing or two. Hear him.

AN AFFECTIONATE WIFE.

A poor mechanic, three weeks after marriage, was addressed by his wife thus:--

”Harry, don't you think a new silk dress would become my beauty?”

He answered affirmatively, of course, and promised that when his present job was completed, which would be in about a fortnight, the necessary stamps would be forthcoming, and that she might then array her loveliness in the wished-for dress. The affectionate wife kissed him, and thus rewarded his generosity. Three days afterwards the man met with an accident, and was brought home on a shutter, and it was evident that for weeks he would be confined to his bed. On beholding him, his wife gave vent to repeated outbursts of agony, as an affectionate woman should, considering the cause. This touched the unfortunate man, and he said, consolingly,--

”Dry your tears, dear Nettie; I'll be all right again in a few weeks.”

”Perhaps you may,” she answered; ”but all your earnings for a long time after you resume work will be required to pay your doctor's bill, and you won't be able to get me _that new silk dress_.”--O. SHAW.

A SENSIBLE PRESCRIPTION.

A doctor up town recently gave the following prescription for a lady: ”A new bonnet, a cashmere shawl, and a new pair of gaiter boots.” The lady, it is needless to say, has entirely recovered.

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