Chapter 28 - I wont allow it (2/2)
”From Inspector Najja—” that name didn't ring any bell. Where did that come from?
”What? Who—?” I crossed the room to stand in front of him. He looked down at me our eyes finally met. He was not angry unlike me. His eyes were sad.
”The inspector who arrested Jay Dawson, I went to speak to him and he gave me his personal contact. I've talked about it with Jil—” hearing her name made me snapped.
”What? You went and speak about such an important thing—with her? What about me? Why didn't you come to me?” I shouted. Being angry with someone taller and larger than me was rather ridiculous, right now I didn't care. He remained silent, so I went on.
”Yo-you went behind my back—and what is this job about anyway?” he dropped his eyes.
”Patrol agent in a special unit,” he added flatly. I gasped feeling my knees go weak.
”I-I won't allow it!” I voice almost breaking. ”A patrol agent! That's dangerous! Grant just got hurt. They are so many psychos out there! You're going to leave me alone? I won't allow it!” I eyes welled up. He sighed and pushed away from the wall.
”Liliane, listen to me,” I waved my hand at him refusing to hear another word. ”Liliane, please—I'm not just doing it for Grant. I'm doing it for you and—for me,” I slowly turned to face him. What did he mean for him? His copper eyes were pleading.
”But—why a freaking patrol agent? Why not something less dangerous, damn it,” I shook my head making a stray tear spill on my cheek. He closed the distance between us in one-step. His hand brushed against my face wiping the tear away.
”Liliane, I'll always be with you. We need to find a new way to take the burden off your shoulders. I can't sit here and watch you work yourself to death when I can do something about it. Just—please, trust me,” I chuckled; it sounded more like a choked sound.
”You went behind my back, did plans with Jil and now you talk about trust! Awesome, just—freaking awesome!” I threw my hands in the air stepping away from him. I was not going to let the Jill part slide. I was so pissed at him for going to her and not coming to me. I was supposed to be his damn mate.
”Liliane, Jil is a friend,” he sighed. ”I needed a piece of external advice. She lent me the money to pay for Grant's repair,” I thought I heard him wrong. Then it sunk in.
”No, no, no—not again. Demos! Damn it! Not again. I told you, you can't go around taking money from people—she's not even a freaking person! Demos! Why?” he grabbed me by the wrists I was gasping from all the shouting.
”Jil is artificial—we artificial help each other without ulterior motives. This is what we do. We serve because we want the system to work. When something is broken, we repair it. When a human is broken, we try all possible solutions to fix them. We were designed like this, to be selfless,” he sighed. My eyes widened with shock.
”Wh-what?” I stared at him with disgust. ”You want t-to fix me—?” he pressed his lips together in a thin line bearing his copper eyes at me.
”Liliane, I don't want you to suffer. I really do love you. I want you to be happy and—smile,” I shook my head at him. Those sounded like a programmed speech. My heart hammered inside of my chest.
”Don't you dare use that word!” I pointed a menacing finger at him. Creases appeared on his forehead.
”You don't even know what loving really means,” I shouted with my nails dying in my palms. He shrugged his shoulders with a timid smile.
”Sure I don't—same as you,” his words hit me like a slap across the face.
[Helios: Four logs. DEMOS]
Love is a word. It means caring for someone else. It also means various emotions humans attach to family, lover, children, friends, possessions, happiness, etc. Yet animals also care for each other. I was design to love too. Since we, artificial are selfless I can't love as humans would. My love is different from theirs. Does it make my feelings less real?