14 Chapter 11 - Sariwang Pechay (1/2)

Dinig ko ang biglang buhos ng mas malakas pang ulan. The room felt cold and darker. Naninikip ang dibdib ko; kinakabahan ako, nahihiya, nalulungkot, naghalo-halo na ang nararamdaman ko.

I see in his face the daunting truth of how crazy everything has been. Whatever this was we were doing, it was wrong, every sides of it.

There was an internal pain that I started feeling. I thought, this was it, it's over. Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung saan nanggagaling ang sakit, hindi ko pa ito naramdaman.

He stood out of the bed, his expression was grim. ”Af-after... ugh! ... After all that?”

It was clear he was upset and horrified. I never thought na aabot kami sa ganitong eksena. I didn't think that there was something wrong with all this. That's it, I didn't think.

I was speechless, my mind was in disarray and I couldn't find the words to express what I was thinking and feeling at this moment.

”All that, Cece?” He turned his back on me, acting even more upset with his hands. ”The teasing, all those playful innuendos, and damn! I've touched you. CHRIST! Why would you keep something like this from me? Why didn't you say from the start?”

He looked at me, scolding, like I was a kid needed to be reprimanded. But something fired up inside me. I stood up from the bed, silently surprised at how I was able to act cool.

”Oh please! Are you seriously trying to be so moral right now? After.. all that?” I responded with one that would pass as a bitchy tone.

He looked stunned. I put my shirt back on and casually fixed my hair, I had no idea where I was getting the nerve to act like this. But I was wearing my metaphorical red stilleto.

”I'm a highschool teenager... and... you're a teacher. My teacher. That in itself is the craziest thing ever. Sinabi ko lang naman na virgin pa ako. Kelan pa naging kasalanan maging virgin?”

I was ready to leave. I wanted to run, get away from here, this room, him. This just became too hard for me to handle. What was I thinking? Anong katangahan ba ang ginawa ko at nalagay ako sa sitwasyon na ito?

”Cece.”

He grabbed my arm when I walked pass him, our eyes locked. ”Look. You're right. This is not on you. But, we need to talk about this. I feel very responsible right now. Irresponsible!”

”You're upset. I get it. You know.. well, this is all crazy now. I don't -- I don't know, hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sayo Teacher Ki -- ”

”Don't... call me... Teacher Kim, right now,” he sounded both annoyed and embarassed.

”Look..” he sighed and took a very long pause. ”I'm sorry. I was... I didn't... I thought.. you.. you are not like the other girls. There is something about you that is pure and innocent, but also, you've showed me something exciting and dangerous. I genuinely thought you can handle this, that you can do this.”

He looked apologetic, but I was utterly confused. ”Hindi ba? Tumakbo ba ako after you brought me in here? Ikaw 'tong nagreact ng galit when I said I'm a virgin.”

He looked even more surprised, stunned even. ”I, uh.. I don't, uh --”

”Oh just say it. You don't do virgins... and, it's fine! We don't have to talk about this. I'll just... forget everything.”

”No, Cece. That's...uh..” he looked puzzled, lost for words.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

His grip on me loosened, I was able to walk-out. Just about time because my fake cool nerve was about to break. Mainit ang dibdib ko pero nanlalamig ang katawan ko, ang palad ko; pakiramdam ko may nawala sa akin na sobrang importante at hindi ko na mababawi pa.

From the dark, filthy broom closet, I came back to the bright lights and serenity of the library. Para akong nakabalik sa realidad, pakiramdam ko ang tagal kong nawala.

Hindi ko napigilan ang luha ko nang makabalik ako sa study room. Andito pa ang mga gamit niya, dama ko pa ang presensya niya; kanina lang ok pa ang lahat. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit hindi ko mapigilan ang luha ko, hindi ko maintindihan bakit parang ang sikip ng dibdib ko.

I collected my things and dashed to the door. Napatalon ako sa gulat nang pagbukas ko ng pinto palabas ng study room, tumambad sa akin ang lalaking ilang taon kong pinagnanasaan.

”Cece,” his voice was apologetic, he even looked concerned. ”You're crying.”

”Teacher Kim,” tumango ako, ”uwi na po ako. I'll.. do more self-review and self-study na lang po at home.”

Then, I left. Sa loob-loob ko, hiniling ko, sana pinigilan pa niya akong umalis.

❧ ❧ ❧

Sobrang lakas ng ulan. Bilang na lang ang mga estudyante sa school. Parang ang lungkot ng paligid. Hindi ko alam, may hikbing gustong lumabas mula sa dibdib ko, naramdaman kong may tubig na namumuo sa mga mata ko. Bakit ganito ang reaksyon ko? I wished na sana OA lang ako.

Ang lamig ng pakiramdam ko, gusto kong umupo sa isang sulok at akapin ang mga binti ko. Namamanhid ang utak ko. May gusto akong isipin pero hindi ko maisip. Gusto kong humiga.

Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansin kong kumakaripas sa pagsalubong sa akin si Happy. ”Oy, Cece! Naku kang bata ka! Bakit ka naman naglalakad sa ulan? Ok ka lang ba?” concern visibly appeared on his round, happy face.

Hindi ko namalayan dumire-diretso lang pala ako sa paglalakad papuntang gate, sa ilalim nitong malakas na buhos ng ulan. Saka ko lang naramdaman na basang-basang na ako. Umakap sa balikat ko si Happy ng mahigpit para mapagkasya kami sa maliit niyang payong at tumakbo pabalik sa guard post.

”Sabi nung kuya mo kanina na nakakotse, yung panganay mo daw na kuya ang magsusundo sayo pauwi. Bakit di ka na lang nagantay dun sa main building? Ikaw'ng bata ka,” ani Happy na aligaga na asikasuhin ako at mapatuyo.

”Ito, tuwalya oh. Malinis yan. Magpunas ka. Naku! Yang bag mo, basa na. Baka basa na rin mga notebooks mo!”

”Water proof naman bag ko Happy. Ok lang yan.”

”Water proop - water proop! Ikaw, hindi ka water proop! Bakit ka naman sumugod sa ulan, ha? Mukhang tulala ka pa kanina naglalakad. Masama ba pakiramdam mo? Halika, bukas pa ata ang clinic.”

”Hindi na Happy. Ok na 'tong towel mo. Patuyo na lang ako dito. Ok lang ako.” Napansin ko naman hindi kumbinsido si Happy. ”Ang cute mo pala Happy kapag tumatakbo.”

Dinaan ko na lang siya biro, madali kasi siyang madistract kapag may mga biruan at tawanan. At siya nga nama'y natawa siya ng pabiik sa biro ko. ”Napakaripas nga ako ng takbo eh. Akala ko ilang hakbang ka na lang! Pero ang layo mo pa pala! Ang dami nung tinakbo ko ha.”

Muli, namutawi rin ang nakakaaliw na ngisi at tawa ni Happy. Serious drama averted. Hindi ko pa alam paano ko ieexplain kung bakit ako mukhang tangang naglakad sa ulan.

”Oy, Teacher Kim, sir!”

Tumalon ang puso ko sa sigaw ni Happy.

”Hala. The rain is still bery strong, sir! You will leabing now? There, uh, may be ploods outside there right now.”

Napangiti ako dahil mas nagtunog tagalog ang english ni Happy.

”Yeah, I think it's still good, thanks. Hey, ah, Happy. I heard, ah...Did you see -- ”

Napansin ako ni Teacher Kim na nakaupo sa loob ng guard post, although, hindi rin naman ako nagtatago.

”Cece.”

”Hi, Teacher Kim,” tumango ako. ”Drive safe po.”

A line appeared between his brows. ”So it's true. You went out in the rain.”

He looked and sounded very displeased.

Kasalanan ko na naman?! Hmft!

”Oy, Cece, ayan na ata kuya mo ah. Gan-da ng kotse ha,” pagsingit naman ni Happy.

Mabuti na lang at naputol ni Happy ang eksena, hindi ko na kailangan magrespond pa kay Teacher Kim. He got the message, I had nothing else to say. But when he drove away, parang may hinugot sa dibdib ko, suddenly there was this empty space in my chest.

”Basang-basa ka Peach, what happened?” bungad ni kuya Japo pagsakay ko sa kotse.

”Inabutan ako ng biglang buhos ng ulan eh. You know naman how pathetic I run,” tugon ko. I'm usually a terrible liar pero pag kay kuya Japo, lagi akong nakakalusot.

”I've got a clean shirt here... change. Magkakasakit ka pa nyan, pagagalitan pa ko ng kuya Jared mo.”

Kinuha niya ang nakasampay na tshirt sa back seat. Kumportable naman akong nagbibihis lang sa harap nila kuya, never naman fully naked, pero little girl naman kasi ang tingin nila sa akin.

Naalala kong wala pala akong panty at basang-basa din ang palda ko. ”May shorts ka kuya?”

”Mahaba naman yang tshirt sayo ah,” inosenteng niyang tugon.

”Eeeee,” inarte ko sabay ipit sa hita ko, na siyang nagets din niya agad.

He made an expression that I was being silly. ”Sandali, I think I have one sa gym bag.”

Kinalkal niya ang makalat na likuran ng sasakyan niya. May kung ano-ano pang mga nagsilaglagan. ”Next time kasi dun ka na sa main building magantay. Naulanan ka pa tuloy. You usually wait at the library.”

I flinched at the last word. Sa palagay ko, matagal-tagal pa bago ako makakatambay ulit sa library. The series of events in that place were too extreme and the memories were too much for me to bear.

❧ ❧ ❧

Agad akong tumalon sa kama ko pagkatapos ko magshower. Wala talagang katumbas ang kapayapaang hatid ng malambot kong kama. Pakiramdam ko, dito ligtas ako sa kung ano man. Puno ng unan at malalaking stuff toys ang higaan ko at isiniksik ko ang sarili ko sa gitna niyon.

But still, inspite of all this mushiness, it could not protect me from my thoughts. Agad-agad, the scenes from the Devil's lair came back to me. I tried to break from it but it was etched deeply into my conciousness; one in particular, when he told me I am not like the other girls.

Hindi ko mawari pero parang gustong bumaliktad ng sikmura ko sa mga naiisip ko. Si Bed, nakita ko lang kanina na lumabas mula sa broom closet. Si Hardine, makailang beses ko namataan sa library at maagang pumapasok na hindi naman niya gawain noon. Si Yoona at Mitty na madalas ko rin makasalubong na mas maaga pa sa akin pumasok. And all those instances, Teacher Kim was around. Were they connected to him? Sila ba ang tinutukoy ni Teacher Kim na hindi ko katulad?