Part 4 (1/2)
”You want to come up?” he said, voice low and rough in my ear.
”What?” His fingers found skin under the hem of my s.h.i.+rt and I gasped.
”You're already cleared for curfew. You could come up. It would be just us.”
It would, I realized. Jeff and Melinda had gone with Dan for a drink at his hotel after dinner. They wouldn't be home for a while.
It would be just us. Just us. My heart took off at a sprint and my fingers felt too hot, then too cold, with my manic pulse. Not for the first time I wondered what was wrong with me. How could I want something so much but be so afraid to take it? Part of me screamed Just do it already! But that was a reason to jump into the cold ocean, not this.
I wanted, but I wasn't ready to have. I wasn't sure what I was afraid of, but I wasn't ready, not tonight.
I exhaled. ”Um. I told Amy I'd meet her at the bonfire.”
Carter nodded, his hair tickling the crook of my neck. ”Okay.” He pulled back so I could see his smile. ”Long shot, I know. I had to try.”
”Are you mad?” He didn't look mad, but still.
”Only because you just asked that.”
”Do you want to come with me?”
He shook his head. ”I have to open.”
”I should go then, I guess.” I hugged him, laying my head on his shoulder, and he ran a hand down my hair.
”I love you,” he said, almost loudly, as if he was sharing his feelings with the entire night. And then softly, just for me, ”And whenever you're ready, I'll still be here.”
THAT NIGHT I spent many sleepless hours listening to my roommate's soft, even breathing while I tried to tame the tornado of thoughts in my head. Carter, of course, whirled near the top. As soon as I left him, I regretted not staying, but I was still too afraid to turn around. I wondered if my subconscious was to blame, that underneath I feared if I deviated from my plan, everything would fall apart. The plan felt safe, somehow. Nothing bad could happen if I stuck to the plan.
Later, I thought about Jill. It dawned on me for the first time that she was my cousin and that I had probably, quite literally, ruined her life. Yes, she'd tried to take mine completely, but that was beside the point. I wasn't sure what it was about me that couldn't hate her-it was probably a good thing about me-but h.e.l.l if I wouldn't take even a healthy dose of apathy where she was concerned. Instead, I lay in bed feeling guilty.
Her Sententia ability was gone. Gone. Part of me wanted to believe she was lying about it, but I knew she never would, not about something so very important to her. Being Sententia was as critical a part of her world as it was Carter's. Even I knew that much. And I had taken it from her. One more thing to add to her list.
I wished I could give it back, but I didn't think that was in my apparently expanding a.r.s.enal of tricks. Frankly, I'd have given her my gifts, either or both of them, I didn't care, if I could have. But I knew I could never escape my Marwood gift, so instead I moved on from Jill to wondering about it.
Was there more to it than I, or anyone, had thought? I knew it stopped hearts, but was that all it stopped? Maybe Jill was a fluke, but I'd pretty much stopped believing in flukes or coincidences over the past year. Something in my touch had negated whatever inside her made her Sententia. I mentally flexed my Sententia muscles, but I didn't feel anything inside that would answer this question. I could command my Diviner ability pretty well, but that didn't help me here. The Hangman in me wasn't exactly something I could practice.
Naturally, my thoughts drifted next to Daniel Astor. Uncle Dan. Lately it seemed like eventually all my thoughts drifted to him. In fact, my obsessive fear of him or, more specifically, being related to him, had given me a bit of reprieve from dwelling on my impending death and Carter's roll in it. I wasn't sure if I should be grateful to him. And, in fact, what I was starting to fear most was that I'd misjudged him.
I couldn't detect anything but sincerity in everything Dan had said at dinner, not in his pained confession or his offer to help me any way he could. He was either the real deal or one h.e.l.l of an actor. I wondered if it wasn't time to give him more of a chance. He was my uncle, after all.
Maybe someday I could even tell him that.
IT WAS ALMOST as if he'd known I was thinking about him. When I arrived at the dining hall the next morning, I could tell something was going on. There was a buzz throughout the room, something more than all the parents in town making it extra crowded.
After only a few steps, I figured it out. It wasn't too hard. Daniel Astor stood from the table where he'd been sitting with Alexis, Mandi, and their family just as Amy rushed up to me. The most amazing thing about this was actually that Amy had beaten me to breakfast.
”Lane, oh my gosh,” she gushed. ”The senator has been waiting for you!”
All I got out was, ”Um,” before she continued.
”My dad just about died when he stopped by our table and remembered his name,”-apparently politicians were Dr. Moretti's version of celebrities-”and he did talk to us for a while, but he was really looking for you. You're so late!”
I looked at my watch and laughed, mostly because she was right. It was almost ten o'clock, which by most students' standards was early on the weekends, but usually I'd have been and gone by then. ”I took the rare opportunity to hog the bathroom myself,” I told her, smiling, and she stuck her tongue out at me.
”Whatever. I don't hog the bathroom.” She really did. ”But seriously, you shouldn't have kept the senator waiting!”
”I didn't mean to! I had no idea he was going to be here. And stop saying 'the senator'.”
She mock-glared at me. ”b.i.t.c.h. Anyway, the senator seemed to think you did. But it all just adds to your mystique around here! Of course the Chairman of the Board and United States Senator is waiting for you. As if the seventh and eighth graders needed another reason to follow you around.”
Over her shoulder, I could see Dan shaking hands with Mr. Morrow and Alexis glaring at me. Unlike Amy, she meant it. Mandi noticed my presence moments later and followed suit. Not all the undercla.s.smen were following me around.
Senator Astor looked handsome and relaxed this morning, casual and approachable in a b.u.t.ton-down s.h.i.+rt and jeans. Eyes from all over the dining hall followed him as he made his way toward me. I felt worried, and maybe cautiously excited too. I didn't understand why he thought I'd expect him, but I was still flattered.
”Ah, here she is, Miss Moretti, before ten, just as you promised,” he said. Amy beamed next to me. ”Good morning, Lainey.”
”Good morning, Senator, I mean, Dan,” I amended at the jokingly disappointed look he gave me. ”I'm sorry if you've been waiting for me?” In my nervousness, I caught myself making my statement into a question, a bad habit I usually reserved for Headmaster Stewart.
”Nothing to be sorry for. I enjoyed the chance to spend some extra time with a few old friends and new.” He turned toward Amy, and we both knew it was a dismissal, but at least it was a good one. ”Miss Moretti, it was a delight to see you again. Please tell your father I'll have someone contact him about that grant opportunity for the hospital.”
”Of course, Senator, I'll tell him! Thank you again,” she said and backed away still smiling.
We watched her go. ”A lovely young woman, your roommate,” Dan said to me and I nodded in agreement. ”Quite brilliant, in fact. A shame she's not one of us.” Though the dining hall was crowded, no one was close enough to hear us over all the noise.
I nodded again. ”I wish she were too.”
”Nothing we can do to change that, I'm afraid,” he said. ”But there is something we can change this morning...”
”What is it?” The seriousness in his voice had my nerves jangling.
After a beat, he laughed, and what I could only describe as a mischievous smile spread over his face. ”Well, I know I'm famished, and since you're here, I'm guessing you're hungry too. Let's fix that. Join me for breakfast?
OBVIOUSLY I COULDN'T decline his request, but I was surprised when instead of moving farther into the dining hall, Dan led me outside to a waiting town car. I was even more surprised when we pulled up outside Dad's Diner. I hadn't been in weeks, not since my last s.h.i.+ft the day Amy had moved back in. Despite my nervousness about being with the senator, which our pleasant small talk in the car did nothing to cure, I was excited to be back at Dad's.
After all my hours there over the summer, walking through the doors felt a little like coming home. I basked in the warmth of the tin walls, the scent of eggs and potatoes on the griddle, and the mismatched collection of dingy booths and tables. Also, the happy greeting from Mercy Jenkins, the head waitress.
She bustled over, deftly managing both coffee pots in one hand, and grabbed my hand for an affectionate squeeze. ”Lainey! What a nice surprise! And you've brought the senator! What a happy Sunday!”
Dan laughed. ”It's been too long, Mercy.” He even leaned in and hugged her. ”The table in the corner, if you don't mind.”
She frowned. ”Well, sure I don't, but where's that nephew of yours? Y'all won't fit in the corner.”
”Just the two of us today, actually,” Dan replied. ”I wanted the chance to get to know the newest member of my family a little more myself.”
He had no idea just how right he was about that. I managed to smile, and Mercy had no trouble being delighted by his smooth charm. Plus, I thought she considered me part of the diner's extended family too. ”You'll love her as much as we all do,” she promised. ”Lainey's a hard worker, especially for a city girl,” she added with a wink, as she led us to the most private table in the far corner of the small s.p.a.ce.