Part 21 (1/2)
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Lord Arthur Hill his Arab sports, And gentle-usher to the courts: See Horace and Kang C-k,{31} Who, with the modern Mokamna C-m-e, must ever bear the sway For ugliness of look.
A pair of ancients you may spy,{32} Sir Edward and Sir Carnaby, From Brighton just set free; The jesters of our lord the king, Who loves a joke, and aids the thing In many a sportive way.
A motley group come rattling on,{33}
31 Horace S-y-r, gentleman usher to the king, and K-g C-k, said to be the ugliest man in the British army: in the park he is rivalled only by C-c. For the benefit of all the married ladies, we would recommend both of these singularities to wear the veil in public.
32 Sir Ed-d N-g-e. His present majesty is not less fond of a pleasant joke than his laughter-loving predecessor, Charles II. The Puke of Clarence, while at the Pavilion (a short time since), admired a favourite grey pony of Sir E-d N-e's; in praise of whose qualities the baronet was justly liberal.
After the party had returned to the palace, the duke, in concert with the k-g, slily gave directions to have the pony painted and disfigured (by spotting him with water colour and attaching a long tail), and then brought on the lawn. In this state he was shown to Sir E--, as one every way superior to his own. After examining him minutely, the old baronet found great fault with the pony; and being, at the duke's request, induced to mount him, objected to all his paces, observing that he was not half equal to his grey. The king was amazingly amused with the sagacity of the good- humoured baronet, and laughed heartily at the astonishment he expressed when convinced of the deception practised upon him. Sir C-n-y H-s-ne, although a constant visitor at the Pavilion, is not particularly celebrated for any attractive qualification, unless it be his unlimited love of little ladies. He is known to all the horse dealers round London, from his constant inquiries for a ”nice quiet little horse to carry a lady;” but we never heard of his making a purchase.
33 The middle order of society was formerly in England the most virtuous of the three--folly and vice reared their standard and recruited their ranks in the highest and the lowest; but the medium being now lost, all is in the extreme. The superlative dandy inhabitant of a first floor from the ground in Bond-street, and the finished inhabitant of a first floor from heaven (who lives by diving) in Fleet- street, are in kindness and habits precisely the same.
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Who ape the style and dress of ton, And Scarce are worth review; Yet forced to note the silly elves, Who take such pains to note themselves, We'll take a name or two.
H-s-ly, a thing of shreds and patches,{34} Whose manners with his calling matches, That is, he's a mere goose.
Old St-z of France, a worthy peer, From s...o...b..ard rais'd him to a sphere Of ornament and use.
The double dandy, fas.h.i.+on's fool, The lubin log of Liverpool, Fat Mister A-p-ll, Upon his cob, just twelve hands high, A mountain on a mouse you'll spy Trotting towards the Mall.
Sir *-----*-, the chicken man,{35}
34 Young Priment, as he is generally termed, the once das.h.i.+ng foreman and cutter out, now co-partner of the renowned Baron St-z, recently made a peer of France. Who would not be a tailor (St-z has retired with a fortune of 100,000. )! Lord de C-ff-d, some time since objecting to certain items in his son's bill from St-z, as being too highly charged, said, ”Tell Mr. S- I will not pay him, if it costs me a thousand pounds to resist it. ” St-z, on hearing this, said, ”Tell his lords.h.i.+p that he shall pay the charge, if it costs me ten thousand to make him.” H-s-ly with some little satisfaction was displaying to a customer the Prince of C-b-g's bill for three months (on the occasion of his Highness's new field-marshal's suit, we suppose): ”Here,” said he, ”see what we have done for him: his quarter's tailor's bill now comes to more than his annual income formerly amounted to.” Mr. H-s-ly sports a bit of blood, a dennet, and a filly; and, for a tailor, is a superfine sort of dandy, but with a strong scent of the shop about him.
35 The redoubtable general's penchant for little girls has obtained him the tender appellation of the chicken man.
Many of these _pet.i.ts amours_ are carried on in the a.s.sumed name of Sir Lewis N-t-n, aided by the skill and ingenuity of Captain *-. Youth may plead whim and novelty for low intrigue; but the aged beau can only resort to it from vitiated habit.
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With pimp *-a-t in the van, The Spy of an old Spy; Who beat up for recruits in town, Mong little girls, in chequer'd gown, Of ages rather shy.
That mild, complacent-looking face,{36} Who sits his bit of blood with grace, Is tragic Charley Young: With dowager savant a beau, Who'll spout, or tales relate, you know, n.o.bility among.
”Sure such a pair was never seen”
By nature form'd so sharp and keen As H-ds-n and Jack L-g; Or two who've play'd their cards so well, As many a pluck'd roue can tell, Whose purses once were strong: Both deal in pipes--and by the nose Have led to many a green horn's woes A few gay bucks to Surrey, Where Marshal Jones commands in chief A squadron, who to find relief Are always in a hurry.
They're folloiv'd by a merry set-- Cl-m-ris, L-n-x, young B-d-t, Whom they may shortly follow.
That tall dismember'd dandy mark, Who strolls dejected through the park, With cheeks so lank and hollow; That's Badger B-t-e, poet A-- The mighty author of ”To-day,”
36 This truly respectable actor is highly estimated among a large circle of polished society; where his amusing talents and gentlemanly demeanour render him a most entertaining and agreeable companion.
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Forgotten of ”To-morrow;”
A superficial wit, who 'll write For Shandy little books of spite, When cash he wants to borrow.
The pious soul who 's driving by, And at the poet looks so shy, Is parson A- the gambler;{37} His deaf-lugg'd daddy a known blade In Pandemonium's fruitful trade, 'Mong Paphians a rambler.
Augusta H-ke (or C-i) moves Along the path--her little doves-- Decoys, upon each arm.
Where 's Jehu Martin, four-in-hand, An exile in a foreign land From fear of legal charm.
A pensioner of Cyprian queen, The Bond-street tailor here is seen, The tally-ho so gay.
Next P------s,{38} who by little goes,
37 The parson is so well known, and has been so plentifully be-spattered on all sides, that we shall, with true orthodox charity, leave him with a strong recommendation to the notice of the society for the suppression of vice, with this trite remark, ”_Vide hic et ubique_.”
38 This man, who is now reported to be worth three hundred thousand pounds, was originally a piece-broker in Bedford- bury, and afterwards kept a low public house in Vinegar- yard, Drury-lane; from whence he merged into an illegal lottery speculation in Northumberland-street, Strand, where he realized a considerable sum by insurances and little goes; from this spot he was transplanted to Norris-street, in the Haymarket, managing partner in a gaming-house, when, after a run of ill luck, an affair occurred that would have occasioned some legal difficulty but for the oath of a pastry-cook's wife, who proved an alibi, in return for which act of kindness he afterwards made her his wife. Obtaining possession of the rooms in Pall-Mall (then the celebrated E. O. tables, and the property of W-, the husband, by a sham warrant), the latter became extremely jealous; and, to make all comfortable, our hero, to use his own phrase, generously bought the mure and coll.--Mrs. W--and her son--both since dead: the latter rose to very high rank in an honourable profession. The old campaigner has now turned pious, and recently erected and endowed a chapel. He used to boast he had more promissory notes of gambling dupes than would be sufficient to cover the whole of Pall-Mall; he may with justice add, that he can command bank notes enough to cover Cavendish-square.